"I mean most people assume that I am a goody two shoes and what not because I think a woman should be classy. That does not mean I cannot be anymore less alluring than the next girl. I just think there is a time and a place to go about it and a way to go about it."
"You know, I don't really 'fangirl', I mean I do but I don't. It's weird if it's Tori Amos or Angelina and Brad I would act like a little school girl. It's just really strange it isn't that I wouldn't be in awe I just see them as regular people who happen to do what they love like everyone else so yea I've met celebrities where I'm just like oh hey how's the weather like it's completely normal. I think it's because I grew up without that normalcy so I try to make everything seem normal, LOL".
"I am not shy about approaching a guy. I think with me it is just finding the right guy who doesn't play games. I've met too many of them and they are such a waste of time, after a few months I just want to go and ask, 'what is wrong with you'? But, our society is so not interested in the meaningful it seems."
"Sex isn't something anyone should be ashamed of. I'm not going to go preach to everyone about when and with whom they should be intimate with but ya know if I meet someone and the connection is there and I feel it is the right moment just go for it. Ideally, I would like for it to be with someone I adore and guess this is why I don't do it that often"
"I will probably end up with a musician eventually because those are the only kind of me who truly get me and I grew up around musicians my whole life and that is all I know".
"Yes, I can be a romantic and I love the idea of being in love. I am a Libra it's only inevitable. I will let a guy know I have feelings for him but I just want a guy who is going to really pursue me; I'm not the type of girl who flocks over a guy when he walks in a room just isn't me. It isn't that I don't care believe me I do, I have so many secrets; think it is just if a guy truly notices he'll pursue you, period. I'm not going to waste my time over a guy who barely notices me that's pointless. So yea, guys don't be afraid to show that you notice me...believe me I see you".
"Yes, eventually I would retire from performing if I decide to commit myself to someone or become a parent I will because I want to focus my time on my family and it would just give me time to work on other projects and there isn't anything wrong with that".
"We tend to focus entirely too much on our past especially in relationships. I used to be so focused on that I missed so many other opportunities but I just learned that with my ex boyfriend even though the love was certainly there that does not always mean meant to be with that person for an eternity; sometimes it's just preparation for the one who will always remain in our lives".
" I wouldn't mind a long distance relationship it would be difficult yes but if willing to compromise and work on it yes they can definitely happen. We live in an age where there is instagram, twitter, facebook so everything is possible to stay in touch with someone and still keep a relationship going. It also takes trust and being creative. I am creative and wouldn't date someone I couldn't trust".
"Performing is amazing. I can be so many different characters and it is almost a form of escapism for me; it's pretty neat how can transform into something really amazing while out on the stage. It's almost a form of liberation to perform can be free"
"I never want to be confined or feel restricted that is the most awful feeling in the world. Restricting someone would be almost torture in my opinion. A person should be free in how they love and how they live, what may work for me may not work for someone else and vice versa. We get so caught up in wanting to change people and making them how we think they should be, I could not bear that; I hope I can be just as free now in the future couldn't handle it otherwise".
"People always ask about instagram and the things people post and the only explanation I can think of this: you get vodka, you miss people and you know...shit happens."
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Monday, February 25, 2013
dahlia's confession to joseph [yea, i am a sap so sue me]
"many have asked me to express it and I am not sure if I can. There is Joseph, completely broken by [her] and here I am wondering if he is pouring his heart out to me or if it is her he still loves. This is why I am hesitant to tell him [Joseph] my true feelings because what if we're all falling for people whose hearts in reality belong to someone else? After Damien, I don't think I could bear the thought of that humiliation once again and we all know what a conflicting situation that was; why must we be so confusing in such matters? You asked me if it was simple if he loves me or I him but yes, I love him with everything in my being, my soul. I wish for those nights where I could be with him yet he is too far away right now; can we change this not for quite some time. I hate dealing with emotions because they are so imbalanced with our human nature and can fall anyway we choose them to. I am quite certain that Damien suspects my feelings for Joseph when he returned, but he [Damien] should have been fully aware with how he left us what would happen...did he expect me to move on or just wait for him? If only love was that simple and we all know it isn't. Would I leave with Joseph? Of course I would without giving it a second thought anything I could possibly do to be with him I would do and I hate that feeling of weakness because it gives him so much power and does he realise this? Of course he would he would be foolish not to, I just ask that he not torture me with promises or expect me to fall and not catch me in the end result. I am surrendering myself to Joseph, here and now; yes I have all of these fears and doubts but I trust him and that frightens me but I will admit to this no matter how the situation becomes I will remain true to Joseph and will forever be in love with him despite what others may say. You can call me foolish, say I need to slow down or just give up all together I believe that someday in the near future we will be together, I will see him and will confess my love to him in person and not by letter even though I've written a dozen letters confessing myself and they never seem to be fitting. So yes, I am in love with Joseph and anything from his past I will fully accept and take with me I will love him forever and I will love him fearlessly...despite the consequences"....
-this is the excerpt from the Awakening and was also the passage to which inspired my arm tattoo [because people always ask where is it from hehe]
-this is the excerpt from the Awakening and was also the passage to which inspired my arm tattoo [because people always ask where is it from hehe]
Sunday, February 24, 2013
the black swan effect
I have to admit it is one of my favourite films and think mainly it is because being in ballet school [since the age of 6 I've been dancing] it is fairly realistic about what goes on in the ballet world. I mean of course there are the exaggerations of certain things it happens in most films for entertainment purposes.
What I loved the most about the film is how it depicts how we allow negativity to affect us and how our insecurities can make us do things in which are completely out of character. I've been modeling since the age of 14 and grew up with in the industry so have seen it far too often about how people self destruct and allow negative experiences to ruin our lives. And it is a life where there is so much competition, so much superficiality, and basically where people are cut throat. People will befriend you just to get close to those around you or for an opportunity to further themselves. It's one reason I am super private and all more the reasons I seldom trust people. It is almost as if you have to be highly selective about those who you allow into your inner circle. Yet, at the same time I should feel flattered [as someone recently told me] because there must be something good enough that they want to strive to be.
It used to be super difficult for me at first especially with my parents and my big brother but now I have learned to block out everything that is negative. I mean, yes I do have emotions and do have feelings and have had experiences like in the Black Swan it's almost as if people [some] are waiting for that moment for you to self destruct so they can get ahead because you are where they want to be. Thankfully, I have my close knit friends, my faith/spirituality, and a supportive fan base [pagers] whom I love so dearly...Pagers thank you so much for believing in my weirdness always, for coming to shows and it is one reason I hope I can always remain humble and continue to inspire people in a positive way, always be you, be original. No one can replace you...no one can replace me...as I mentioned before, pagers 2013 is our year.
much love
Nat
What I loved the most about the film is how it depicts how we allow negativity to affect us and how our insecurities can make us do things in which are completely out of character. I've been modeling since the age of 14 and grew up with in the industry so have seen it far too often about how people self destruct and allow negative experiences to ruin our lives. And it is a life where there is so much competition, so much superficiality, and basically where people are cut throat. People will befriend you just to get close to those around you or for an opportunity to further themselves. It's one reason I am super private and all more the reasons I seldom trust people. It is almost as if you have to be highly selective about those who you allow into your inner circle. Yet, at the same time I should feel flattered [as someone recently told me] because there must be something good enough that they want to strive to be.
It used to be super difficult for me at first especially with my parents and my big brother but now I have learned to block out everything that is negative. I mean, yes I do have emotions and do have feelings and have had experiences like in the Black Swan it's almost as if people [some] are waiting for that moment for you to self destruct so they can get ahead because you are where they want to be. Thankfully, I have my close knit friends, my faith/spirituality, and a supportive fan base [pagers] whom I love so dearly...Pagers thank you so much for believing in my weirdness always, for coming to shows and it is one reason I hope I can always remain humble and continue to inspire people in a positive way, always be you, be original. No one can replace you...no one can replace me...as I mentioned before, pagers 2013 is our year.
much love
Nat
madness [muse inspired]
I guess this is probably the first blog in which I am just going to not necessarily vent but just express random off the wall comments [so please be prepared].
Like many, I use twitter and of course noticed a series of hacker incidents with the accounts; now what I do not understand is how people can be so pathetic in the sense to where there isn't anything else better for them to do. I mean really, there are days when I completely do not understand people at all and today is one of those days. I guess people will do just about anything these days just to get attention in some way or another and it is also why I try not to feed into all of it anymore.
Another issue is if in fact his account [Justin's] was hacked I mean really...he's already been through enough and it's already February. It just seems as if it is always the nicest people who are screwed over the most in this world [and for the record, in my twitter account it looks normal] but you know all of this unfortunately does come with the territory.
It is reasons because of these as to why I think people [not all] in general suck. But if anything I wish people would be supportive and just send out positive energy all around I've learned negative people tend to be more afraid of positive people in life.
As I mentioned before this blog is totally random and it's also before noon so if this makes sense be pleased [I am not a morning person LOL ] but really the more we feed into negativity the more it will continue to consume us so let's try and make something positive out of it all.
much love
Nat
Like many, I use twitter and of course noticed a series of hacker incidents with the accounts; now what I do not understand is how people can be so pathetic in the sense to where there isn't anything else better for them to do. I mean really, there are days when I completely do not understand people at all and today is one of those days. I guess people will do just about anything these days just to get attention in some way or another and it is also why I try not to feed into all of it anymore.
Another issue is if in fact his account [Justin's] was hacked I mean really...he's already been through enough and it's already February. It just seems as if it is always the nicest people who are screwed over the most in this world [and for the record, in my twitter account it looks normal] but you know all of this unfortunately does come with the territory.
It is reasons because of these as to why I think people [not all] in general suck. But if anything I wish people would be supportive and just send out positive energy all around I've learned negative people tend to be more afraid of positive people in life.
As I mentioned before this blog is totally random and it's also before noon so if this makes sense be pleased [I am not a morning person LOL ] but really the more we feed into negativity the more it will continue to consume us so let's try and make something positive out of it all.
much love
Nat
Thursday, February 21, 2013
according to Tori Amos
alas, I am unable to sleep right now but having a conversation with friends the subject of my unending love for Tori Amos arose. And yes, my moods according to her albums let's just face it she somehow always manages to say what I need to and unable to which is awesome and her music really helped me throughout school because I was bullied quite a bit. Anyway, it is funny how accurate it is :-p
when I am upset:
when I am with friends:
when I am thinking about relationships:
[Boys for Pele]
when I tend to think about the past:
when I am reflecting
and lastly...when I am happy
when I am upset:
when I am with friends:
when I am thinking about relationships:
[Boys for Pele]
when I tend to think about the past:
when I am reflecting
and lastly...when I am happy
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
i'm right here where i'm supposed to be....
In any case, whenever I feel sad or just one of those times when I need a hug I love to listen to this song because it really helps me feel so much better. The morning when I found out my big brother was killed in a car accident, I had this song on repeat because it just makes me feel like he's there and I get a hug [ if that even makes sense] but it reminds me that there are people who are there and you genuinely care and that makes it easier and helps more than think he even realizes. There are also many big life decisions I need to make and it's hard because it's making that transition from being a little girl essentially to being a woman, it gets rough!! I am actually glad this is going to be the next single so can listen to it even more...thank you <3
the perks of being a wallflower and being in love [maybe]
this is one of the most random blogs ever...but it seems as if everyone around me is catching Mr. Lovebug and to an extent myself included. Yet, for me the fear is a) falling for someone who probably doesn't notice you [then again maybe does we never know] b) me looking like a complete jackass...then again I never really cared what people thought of me, however. I mean things happen? I fully believe in love stories like Sleepless in Seattle those things can definitely happen, I am sure but to me? Eh we'll see I guess?? Either way up until now I never really thought love would come my way...considering in the past it hasn't been that great but I also realize hey that is the past and it's time to move on from it, just take that leap and fly but seriously if no one is there to catch me...when I get back up from the fall there is going to be some explaining ha!
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
decisions, decisions [an awfully big adventure]
so currently, forced with some major decisions for me at least; it is one of those things where do I really pursue my dreams or remain here in my "comfort zone"? had this conversation tonight with one of my dance teachers and it's where stay here work my "normal" job or devote majority of my time to pursuing my dreams; and sort of came to the conclusion that in a sense I am actually afraid of "making it" yea it's true and it is scary because it's one of those things to where what if I achieve all of my dreams and my full potential? This would mean giving up my "safe zone" and sure it is scary but as someone taught me...have to believe, right? Up until now think it is the very first time I am actually believing in myself more and not just me but the people around me and keeping those who are positive near. I mean I am still growing and learning as a person and don't think we ever stop doing that but these past almost eight months learned and grown so much so maybe it is time to take these chances because...we only live once and I don't want to spend life thinking and regretting on what I should have done. Maybe that is why the song "decisions" is stuck in my head...sometimes think some songs mean more to us when we have something important to say or express and yea it's all about decisions.....
quotable page 2
more thoughts that were too long for tweets [yes people keep these but glad because at least they are making some laugh lol]
"I don't really get 'annoyed' when people call me Angelina Jolie. I mean if people want to compare me to a woman who is absolutely gorgeous, has an amazing career, does so many good things/has a big heart, quirky and gets to go home to Brad Pitt, why would that make me mad? I mean I would be okay with all of that with the exception of Brad because he's taken...but for me if it was Justin Bieber then yea that would be perfect".
"I have come to the conclusion that people are more interested in my romantic life and my personal life which I really don't get...there really isn't much to tell. But, guess it is more out of curiosity which is cool, yet people have to respect personal lives though. I may be with someone and people may know if I like someone but that is the extent of it...all the details yea that is kept down low".
"Our society is obsessed with the 15 minutes of fame. Then again look at what's all on the telly: everything is a reality show just about and it makes people feel important; but it also makes me sad because we should focus more on trying to make people more productive and happy with themselves as is. Sure, not against chasing dreams by no means but people take it too far for the attention...that is where we get into problems as a culture".
"I never thought I would ever say this: but besides ballet as a dance form I completely fell in love with burlesque. I think it has to do with my obsession with 1950s glamour; but look at older films and think 'gosh these women are so classy and glamorous at the same time...that is what I strive to be'".
"Yes, my Godfather is a priest so had a difficult time at first performing and even now there are some limits as to what I will and will not perform. People always say 'oh you're throwing religion' but really, I'm not. People have the right to believe whatever he or she chooses. I was just raised as a Christian and I do have some boundaries of what I think is too far. Sure, I think there is nothing more empowering that being in control of your sexuality and exploring that especially as a female; but I would not do anything demeaning religiously and I've seen some do that but hey it's not me so not going to worry about it".
"People have asked about what happened with my former best mate. You know, I still think she is a wonderful person it's just sometimes we allow things to go to our heads and think she kind of got to that point. I mean sure, be proud of your accomplishments but when you begin treating your oldest friends like shit isn't cool. One reason I hope beyond hope I can remain humble and grateful throughout this experience".
"I grew up performing, my Mum and my big brother. I used to travel everywhere with my big brother and his band and I miss those times but also learned so much; I've been blessed to have surrogate big brothers".
"No, I never had many boyfriends and think it's because I would invite guys to my big brother's shows...coming to think of it, no telling what he told them, he was protective lol".
"What I noticed about guys is his eyes. I mean if he has gorgeous eyes then I am sold, like totally. He also has to have a great personality and a humour because I love to laugh alot. But, yea...eyes pretty much all yours".
"Someone told me once that guys are intimidated to ask me out. Honestly...just ask me out! I won't bite anyone...at least not intentionally....but really though I'm just a simple girl but I am also not easy...and think that may be case; I'm more of a if want the goods better be an super amazing boyfriend"
"I don't really get 'annoyed' when people call me Angelina Jolie. I mean if people want to compare me to a woman who is absolutely gorgeous, has an amazing career, does so many good things/has a big heart, quirky and gets to go home to Brad Pitt, why would that make me mad? I mean I would be okay with all of that with the exception of Brad because he's taken...but for me if it was Justin Bieber then yea that would be perfect".
"I have come to the conclusion that people are more interested in my romantic life and my personal life which I really don't get...there really isn't much to tell. But, guess it is more out of curiosity which is cool, yet people have to respect personal lives though. I may be with someone and people may know if I like someone but that is the extent of it...all the details yea that is kept down low".
"Our society is obsessed with the 15 minutes of fame. Then again look at what's all on the telly: everything is a reality show just about and it makes people feel important; but it also makes me sad because we should focus more on trying to make people more productive and happy with themselves as is. Sure, not against chasing dreams by no means but people take it too far for the attention...that is where we get into problems as a culture".
"I never thought I would ever say this: but besides ballet as a dance form I completely fell in love with burlesque. I think it has to do with my obsession with 1950s glamour; but look at older films and think 'gosh these women are so classy and glamorous at the same time...that is what I strive to be'".
"Yes, my Godfather is a priest so had a difficult time at first performing and even now there are some limits as to what I will and will not perform. People always say 'oh you're throwing religion' but really, I'm not. People have the right to believe whatever he or she chooses. I was just raised as a Christian and I do have some boundaries of what I think is too far. Sure, I think there is nothing more empowering that being in control of your sexuality and exploring that especially as a female; but I would not do anything demeaning religiously and I've seen some do that but hey it's not me so not going to worry about it".
"People have asked about what happened with my former best mate. You know, I still think she is a wonderful person it's just sometimes we allow things to go to our heads and think she kind of got to that point. I mean sure, be proud of your accomplishments but when you begin treating your oldest friends like shit isn't cool. One reason I hope beyond hope I can remain humble and grateful throughout this experience".
"I grew up performing, my Mum and my big brother. I used to travel everywhere with my big brother and his band and I miss those times but also learned so much; I've been blessed to have surrogate big brothers".
"No, I never had many boyfriends and think it's because I would invite guys to my big brother's shows...coming to think of it, no telling what he told them, he was protective lol".
"What I noticed about guys is his eyes. I mean if he has gorgeous eyes then I am sold, like totally. He also has to have a great personality and a humour because I love to laugh alot. But, yea...eyes pretty much all yours".
"Someone told me once that guys are intimidated to ask me out. Honestly...just ask me out! I won't bite anyone...at least not intentionally....but really though I'm just a simple girl but I am also not easy...and think that may be case; I'm more of a if want the goods better be an super amazing boyfriend"
Saturday, February 16, 2013
all you gotta do is believe....
I like to tell this joke especially when people are so negative about things, never know what can happen if you just simply believe :-)
This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade. So remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing and cares less tries to make your life miserable..
A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband.. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:
"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty.. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"
"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser." That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"
"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome 's Tiber River called Teste."
"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope.."
"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."
A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome .
"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.
And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"
"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."
"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.
Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."
"Oh, really! What'd he say ?"
He said: "My Poor Child,Who fucked up your hair?"
Thursday, February 14, 2013
my vday playlist
here are some songs that helped me get through today and guess this playlist is kind of where my life is right now:
1. Teenage Dream, Katy Perry
2. Your Cloud, Tori Amos
3. Is This Real?, Lisa Hall
4. Glory Box, Portishead
5. Fumbling Towards Ecstasy, Sarah McLachlan
6. Showtime, Nelly Furtado
7. Best I Ever Had, Drake
8.Til You, Alanis Morissette
9.I Deserve It, Madonna
10. Love Me Like You Do, Justin Bieber
1. Teenage Dream, Katy Perry
2. Your Cloud, Tori Amos
3. Is This Real?, Lisa Hall
4. Glory Box, Portishead
5. Fumbling Towards Ecstasy, Sarah McLachlan
6. Showtime, Nelly Furtado
7. Best I Ever Had, Drake
8.Til You, Alanis Morissette
9.I Deserve It, Madonna
10. Love Me Like You Do, Justin Bieber
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Happy Valentine's Day
Yes. I do realise that tomorrow is Valentine's Day and tomorrow millions of people will be out buying cards, flowers, candy etc for those they love; people always ask me what do I think of the holiday and I have a love/hate relationship with it and I don't always talk about my past but going to share a bit of it.
I lost my Mum a few days after Valentine's Day and we lost Gwynnie a few days before [Gwynnie is the daughter of a friend who is very special to me she would have been 6 years old this year] so the day itself is surrounded by many painful memories.
I also remember being in school I was always teased and would watch all my friends get cards, etc and I hardly ever receive anything and my Mum would always send me flowers just so I wouldn't be left out and that is the type of person my Mum was. I was bullied so badly throughout school just because I was "different". She had such a huge heart [ like my big brother] and would give the coat off her back for a complete stranger if she felt that person needed it more. One reason I try so hard to give back because in doing so it helps keep her memory alive and know it would make her proud.
So this year for Valentine's Day, I am going to spend time with hospice patients they need love more than ever. It saddens me when I see patients who are alone with no one coming to visit them because I know how that feels to be alone. Losing my parents was one of the hardest things I had ever experienced...so I had to grow up really fast and had to be 40 when I was 15 pretty much. I really don't want sympathy or pity from anyone but this is why I am so close to my big brother, he was there and looked after me. If it wasn't for him and his band mates and giving me music as my outlet I really would be in a very dark place right now. Now that my big brother is gone keeping his memory alive is just as important too now.
I've learned how precious each day is and never be afraid to tell those you love how you feel about them. Each day is truly a gift and I try to make the most of it everyday.
So, on tomorrow think of those who don't have anyone...like me because it is days like tomorrow when believe it or not...we need it the most.
xoxo
Nat
I lost my Mum a few days after Valentine's Day and we lost Gwynnie a few days before [Gwynnie is the daughter of a friend who is very special to me she would have been 6 years old this year] so the day itself is surrounded by many painful memories.
I also remember being in school I was always teased and would watch all my friends get cards, etc and I hardly ever receive anything and my Mum would always send me flowers just so I wouldn't be left out and that is the type of person my Mum was. I was bullied so badly throughout school just because I was "different". She had such a huge heart [ like my big brother] and would give the coat off her back for a complete stranger if she felt that person needed it more. One reason I try so hard to give back because in doing so it helps keep her memory alive and know it would make her proud.
So this year for Valentine's Day, I am going to spend time with hospice patients they need love more than ever. It saddens me when I see patients who are alone with no one coming to visit them because I know how that feels to be alone. Losing my parents was one of the hardest things I had ever experienced...so I had to grow up really fast and had to be 40 when I was 15 pretty much. I really don't want sympathy or pity from anyone but this is why I am so close to my big brother, he was there and looked after me. If it wasn't for him and his band mates and giving me music as my outlet I really would be in a very dark place right now. Now that my big brother is gone keeping his memory alive is just as important too now.
I've learned how precious each day is and never be afraid to tell those you love how you feel about them. Each day is truly a gift and I try to make the most of it everyday.
So, on tomorrow think of those who don't have anyone...like me because it is days like tomorrow when believe it or not...we need it the most.
xoxo
Nat
I don't pay any attention to any of it....
yet, beyond that I don't pay attention to what people say as far rumours, etc. etc and even about myself there has been quite a bit told and misconstrued to the point where just have to grow to laugh at it. But lately, my motto has been [from a Madonna song] "I don't want no lies, I don't watch tv, I don't waste my time reading magazines" because literally don't.
so if people just want to come to me with drama and rumours can guaranteed will be tuned out; and furthermore I wouldn't want to love a perfect person anyway...perfect is so boring...at least for human beings it is. So yes, I will defend him...always...so don't bother if planning to come my way with those things.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
being in love means letting go of all fears....[in theory]
maybe it is only fitting that one of my favourite albums is Fumbling Towards Ecstasy by Sarah McLachlan. It definitely describes the state of my life at the moment and it is letting go of all the fears that we hold onto and what has happened to us in the past; I have had my fair shares of disappointments but ya know...I refuse to allow that to stop me from believing in love and that it is out there for me. But, I also have some convincing in that area too ;-) nonetheless...think if could pick an album to say where my life is right now...definitely this one. So to answer questions am I in love...yes am I making a fool of myself...quite possibly but how others perceive me right now doesn't frighten me. Maybe it is time for me to write my heart on my sleeve for the world to see.....
xoxo
Nat
Nat
Monday, February 11, 2013
a medley of emotions [when a girl is in love]
what to address first? yes, this is one of those entries where I am just going to write about loads of things all at once. First, would like to thank everyone in NYC for their hospitality it was such an amazing trip and looking forward to heading there again next month!!
random comment: I now know why I don't listen to the Black Keys. If don't like someone's music or any art form fine...but why does a person have to be disrespectful about it? Being a performer myself I know some of my routines a person may not like but others may love them...that is life and the same for their [Black Keys] music...sure there may be some who feel how they do. But, everyone is entitled to an opinion.
random comment 2: people make mistakes, and he admitted it, apologised so let's focus on more positive things in life. No one is perfect we should all accept this notion people like to judge entirely too much these days.
random comment 3: since people have been asking regularly yes, the song I wrote romeo + juliet was in fact inspired by Justin Bieber.
random comment 4: I know some pagers [and others] had been hoping but no, my ex boyfriend and I will not get back together. That chapter of my life is now over and ready to move forward with someone new....overall, he thought I wasn't "cool" enough and thought the grass would be greener elsewhere. She broke his heart now he wants to come back...love those stories, right? I just know where and who I want to be with right now :-)
and speaking of that...for the ex boyfriend I had this song in repeat all day today [because it is true] but nonetheless...new chapter and new beginning in my life and very excited about that!!!
random comment: I now know why I don't listen to the Black Keys. If don't like someone's music or any art form fine...but why does a person have to be disrespectful about it? Being a performer myself I know some of my routines a person may not like but others may love them...that is life and the same for their [Black Keys] music...sure there may be some who feel how they do. But, everyone is entitled to an opinion.
random comment 2: people make mistakes, and he admitted it, apologised so let's focus on more positive things in life. No one is perfect we should all accept this notion people like to judge entirely too much these days.
random comment 3: since people have been asking regularly yes, the song I wrote romeo + juliet was in fact inspired by Justin Bieber.
random comment 4: I know some pagers [and others] had been hoping but no, my ex boyfriend and I will not get back together. That chapter of my life is now over and ready to move forward with someone new....overall, he thought I wasn't "cool" enough and thought the grass would be greener elsewhere. She broke his heart now he wants to come back...love those stories, right? I just know where and who I want to be with right now :-)
and speaking of that...for the ex boyfriend I had this song in repeat all day today [because it is true] but nonetheless...new chapter and new beginning in my life and very excited about that!!!
Friday, February 8, 2013
weekend travel playlist
music I am going to take with me over the weekend :-)
of course :)
have to have my scarlet's walk <3
Joshua Radin my modern dance teacher helped me discover his music
the white apple- of verona love love this band <3
of course :)
have to have my scarlet's walk <3
Joshua Radin my modern dance teacher helped me discover his music
the white apple- of verona love love this band <3
Thursday, February 7, 2013
some things I don't get [I do, but not necessarily]
I really do not understand how someone could be "jealous" of his/her romantic partner especially if that person is a performer? Granted, being a performer myself it is difficult to have a romantic relationship because of a) distance- which I think is a huge part of it and b) trust issues meaning the other person is typically afraid of girls/men fangirling over their romantic partner. If a performer is dating a "normal" person I can completely understand those concerns as this type of life style is definitely not for everyone. Fine, it's okay it happens and it is quite a bit to take in and sometimes even myself need away or down time. Yet, the thing that gets me is when dating another performer to be that way I don't understand. I feel as if okay, you're a performer too so why be upset with the other person?? If I was to date another performer I couldn't ask him to give up performing because know how much of a passion a person has to have for that. So, if he is passionate about an art why ask that person to give it up?
Honestly, I think it just boils down to being secure with yourself as a person and having a strong foundation. Sure, if I am dating someone I would be a little concerned if he would forget me while out on tour or something but that comes along with the territory. If I am going to date another performer I would [or anyone else] accept what all goes with that and that is dealing with fans, fangirling, media, etc. etc and to an extent a guy would have to deal with the same when it comes to myself. Not long ago I had someone tell me...performers do better with other performers; he and his wife had been married for 12 years and dated for 4 years. That is definitely a very long time to be with someone and I hope I can have a romantic partner for that long eventually too. But, he gave me really great advice and think know why because performers understand other performers better....then again we are also human and deal with the vices just as everyone else does.
But, I think when it comes to myself I already know I feel more comfortable with other performers. Mainly, it is all grew up around. Sure, I have a "normal" person's job but it doesn't feel the same meaning I feel entirely awkward in that environment. So in the end...should stick with what we know and for me it is musicians. Call me crazy perhaps but that is all I know. But yea, really don't get that....just some thoughts on the subject.
xoxo
Nat
Honestly, I think it just boils down to being secure with yourself as a person and having a strong foundation. Sure, if I am dating someone I would be a little concerned if he would forget me while out on tour or something but that comes along with the territory. If I am going to date another performer I would [or anyone else] accept what all goes with that and that is dealing with fans, fangirling, media, etc. etc and to an extent a guy would have to deal with the same when it comes to myself. Not long ago I had someone tell me...performers do better with other performers; he and his wife had been married for 12 years and dated for 4 years. That is definitely a very long time to be with someone and I hope I can have a romantic partner for that long eventually too. But, he gave me really great advice and think know why because performers understand other performers better....then again we are also human and deal with the vices just as everyone else does.
But, I think when it comes to myself I already know I feel more comfortable with other performers. Mainly, it is all grew up around. Sure, I have a "normal" person's job but it doesn't feel the same meaning I feel entirely awkward in that environment. So in the end...should stick with what we know and for me it is musicians. Call me crazy perhaps but that is all I know. But yea, really don't get that....just some thoughts on the subject.
xoxo
Nat
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
valentine's day challenge [for everyone]
Yea, I know...I haven't had the luckiest of Valentine's Day in the past [didn't have the best ex boyfriend]; but that's okay because have decided to think of this day as another purpose.So thought of a challenge for this year: instead of buying candy,cards, flowers, etc. I want to go out and do something for those who basically have no one at all for Valentine's Day. So, visit a hospital and patients who are in a hospice unit, or do random acts of kindness for complete strangers...that is the purpose right, to spread love to others. At least, that is my plan for this year...give back to those who feel alone because they shouldn't have to feel that way. It's a thought it may not go far...but it would be rad.
Sometimes if we start small we can create something much larger in life. It's the smallest acts of kindness that can make the most huge impact on us all.
so give back....
xoxo
Nat
Sometimes if we start small we can create something much larger in life. It's the smallest acts of kindness that can make the most huge impact on us all.
so give back....
xoxo
Nat
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
nothing really matters [ray of light]
there are moments to where I like think of moments in my life by albums...meaning the music albums which are significant to me at that point in my life...right now Ray of Light by Madonna sums up pretty much of 2011/2012 for me the good and the bad; needless to say the later part of 2012 was much better and so far 2013 has been a blessing. There were so many lessons I had to learn between then and now and that is so much of life is to grow as people and honestly hope much better person now than before. Ray of Light is significant because even though things have been not so great...there is always that little ray of light...the hope to inspire me to never give up on anything. So guess this album is like an autobiography of my life of what has happened in the past and hopefully of what is to come in the future
now playing: Ray of Light, Madonna
xoxo
Nat
now playing: Ray of Light, Madonna
xoxo
Nat
Monday, February 4, 2013
burlesque Q & A
I've decided to answer all questions [for the most part] about burlesque that have been asked, I try to be open and honest as possible with you all especially the pagers and cannot thank you all again for your support.
Q: This has been asked before but how did you end up in burlesque?
A: by mere accident! No really. I have loads of friends who are burlesque performers and I would just go watch them perform; I also was always really fascinated with the 1950s pin up style so going to burlesque shows just seemed so magical for me and fell in love with it. One of my close friends has her own burlesque troupe and I just decided to go for it and do it best decision ever because it has been wonderful thus far.
Q: Who do you look up to as far burlesque performers?
A: well, there is my burlesque mentor who is just so talented and fabulous. I watch her and so amazed just by stage presence it literally gives me goosebumps. Dita von Teese is my idol I fangirl her constantly and I also love Jo Weldon she inspired my one routine Yellow Raincoat or the choreography for it should say.
Q: What are your favorite routines?
A: Love Me Like You Do. Because it pushes my comfort zone. Being sensual or sharing that depth of being personal with random strangers in the audience definitely takes me out of my comfort zone and for me that is difficult to do. I like Yellow Raincoat because I can relate to keeping a wall up so once again letting all that down and becoming personal with an audience huge challenge for me.
Q: Do you get offended when people refer to you as a stripper?
A: you know, when I very first started right before my first show I watched a Dita von Teese interview and someone asked her that question. She said for the most part it isn't something to be ashamed of nor be offended by because burlesque is more of a classy way to go about entertaining people. I think this is very much the case it's being classy with it. You can be seductive, and to an extent even trashy but it is all about the approach to it. I can be raunchy but what would make a lasting impression is how I go about being raunchy.
Q: How do you feel about Dita von Teese comparisons?
A: I think people like to label someone the next etc etc. I think it is too early and too soon for me in the burlesque world but if people want to make that comparison I am deeply flattered. Does it put pressure? Most definitely but I also love the challenges.
Q: It's been said you don't go nude in routines...why?
A: everyone does it just about. I feel like if everyone sees me naked or topless it wouldn't be special for one person who is lucky enough to see me topless regularly. It sounds snobby but I feel like seeing me naked should be for one lucky guy that may be the old fashion bit in me.
Q: How open is your family about being sexual?
A: my family is pretty open minded, yet conservative. I am we are open about sex but it wasn't like just don't talk about it. I feel there is a time and a place for it [discussing] but then again I think too with us me and my cousins being younger and having a father who was Eastern European the younger generation is much more open than my older siblings though. We're not ashamed of it like now my family is just like "oh okay" thankfully they've been supportive.
Q: What do you feel about sex?
A: Honestly...it is something I wouldn't do with just anyone. If truly like a person and the connection is there go for it; other than that not really commenting ha ha. Details about that aspect of my life should definitely be between me and whomever I decide to be with.
Q: New routines?
A: Well for spring/summer right now I am doing Love Me Like You Do, Yellow Raincoat, and Bad Girl [Madonna] there are a couple songs throwing around I may do a routine to have to wait and see!
Q: This has been asked before but how did you end up in burlesque?
A: by mere accident! No really. I have loads of friends who are burlesque performers and I would just go watch them perform; I also was always really fascinated with the 1950s pin up style so going to burlesque shows just seemed so magical for me and fell in love with it. One of my close friends has her own burlesque troupe and I just decided to go for it and do it best decision ever because it has been wonderful thus far.
Q: Who do you look up to as far burlesque performers?
A: well, there is my burlesque mentor who is just so talented and fabulous. I watch her and so amazed just by stage presence it literally gives me goosebumps. Dita von Teese is my idol I fangirl her constantly and I also love Jo Weldon she inspired my one routine Yellow Raincoat or the choreography for it should say.
Q: What are your favorite routines?
A: Love Me Like You Do. Because it pushes my comfort zone. Being sensual or sharing that depth of being personal with random strangers in the audience definitely takes me out of my comfort zone and for me that is difficult to do. I like Yellow Raincoat because I can relate to keeping a wall up so once again letting all that down and becoming personal with an audience huge challenge for me.
Q: Do you get offended when people refer to you as a stripper?
A: you know, when I very first started right before my first show I watched a Dita von Teese interview and someone asked her that question. She said for the most part it isn't something to be ashamed of nor be offended by because burlesque is more of a classy way to go about entertaining people. I think this is very much the case it's being classy with it. You can be seductive, and to an extent even trashy but it is all about the approach to it. I can be raunchy but what would make a lasting impression is how I go about being raunchy.
Q: How do you feel about Dita von Teese comparisons?
A: I think people like to label someone the next etc etc. I think it is too early and too soon for me in the burlesque world but if people want to make that comparison I am deeply flattered. Does it put pressure? Most definitely but I also love the challenges.
Q: It's been said you don't go nude in routines...why?
A: everyone does it just about. I feel like if everyone sees me naked or topless it wouldn't be special for one person who is lucky enough to see me topless regularly. It sounds snobby but I feel like seeing me naked should be for one lucky guy that may be the old fashion bit in me.
Q: How open is your family about being sexual?
A: my family is pretty open minded, yet conservative. I am we are open about sex but it wasn't like just don't talk about it. I feel there is a time and a place for it [discussing] but then again I think too with us me and my cousins being younger and having a father who was Eastern European the younger generation is much more open than my older siblings though. We're not ashamed of it like now my family is just like "oh okay" thankfully they've been supportive.
Q: What do you feel about sex?
A: Honestly...it is something I wouldn't do with just anyone. If truly like a person and the connection is there go for it; other than that not really commenting ha ha. Details about that aspect of my life should definitely be between me and whomever I decide to be with.
Q: New routines?
A: Well for spring/summer right now I am doing Love Me Like You Do, Yellow Raincoat, and Bad Girl [Madonna] there are a couple songs throwing around I may do a routine to have to wait and see!
Sunday, February 3, 2013
fears are to be overcome [and mine are coming down one by one]
most may know or heard I have the biggest fear of doing runway shows; think it is mostly in part of having that comparison with my Mum. Not that I don't mind it but in all actuality it is the fear of letting people down...the pressure because people who were familiar with my Mum have super high expectations; my fear is not living up to them. On another note, I for a long while had been anti runway because it was more to have my own identity so to speak, but today think finally overcame those fears about my modeling and me as a person. I learned that it is okay to be like my parents and it is also okay to have a little bit of "me" in there as well...like a balance between the two. I've been so fortunate to have two really amazingly talented and creative parents and not just myself but my sisters and brother as well because they too are creatives in their own rights.
I am finally getting to that point in my life of acceptance and being content or at least at peace with how things are for right now. So, I kind of exorcised my "demons" [so to speak figuratively] and made peace with the fact of who my parents were and the person I am becoming and hope to still become. We're not perfect we all make mistakes but that helps us grow and I too am still in that growing and learning stage of life. So far, just taking steps at a time...and finally discovered walking the runway isn't so scary after all. Plus it also helps when they play Justin while walking...that definitely helps! LOL!!!!
I am finally getting to that point in my life of acceptance and being content or at least at peace with how things are for right now. So, I kind of exorcised my "demons" [so to speak figuratively] and made peace with the fact of who my parents were and the person I am becoming and hope to still become. We're not perfect we all make mistakes but that helps us grow and I too am still in that growing and learning stage of life. So far, just taking steps at a time...and finally discovered walking the runway isn't so scary after all. Plus it also helps when they play Justin while walking...that definitely helps! LOL!!!!
Saturday, February 2, 2013
ducks>>>swans
as most may know [or may not know] that my background is in ballet [much like my idol Dita von Teese] but this is one piece I love to watch endlessly and in fact one of my ballet instructors was trained by Mikhail Fokine's [choreographer of this piece] son, so yea always felt really intimidated while in class. Nonetheless, I am so thankful that my Mum introduced me to ballet because it has given me some of the happiest moments in my life; performing for me has been an amazing outlet and I would definitely be in a dark place if not for these creative outlets in my life. If anything, hope that dance and music can help others as it has for me, which is why it's so important to pass it on. This piece in particular is considered extremely difficult because the dancer is on pointe for a little over two minutes [which is hard...I've tried it!] so it does take some really amazing training and technique to dance and I admire anyone who is able to pull off the choreography.
The idea [at least how it was always explained to me] is that the story is based upon a species of swans where they don't make a sound until the die then they make what can be considered a beautiful song, hence the term "swan song" in any case the music was composed by French composer Camille Saint-Saens and was originally choreographed by Mikhail Fokine and first performed by Anna Pavlova.
xoxo
Nat
The idea [at least how it was always explained to me] is that the story is based upon a species of swans where they don't make a sound until the die then they make what can be considered a beautiful song, hence the term "swan song" in any case the music was composed by French composer Camille Saint-Saens and was originally choreographed by Mikhail Fokine and first performed by Anna Pavlova.
xoxo
Nat
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