I am quite certain a few will read this blog entry and jump for joy as I write this next sentence:
"I am retiring from burlesque".
Not "officially" retiring but taking a break for many reasons. One of them being I have since returned to school and being the medical field already makes for a difficult schedule to manage. Another reason is I just need a personal break from all that has been happening as of late.
I haven't posted anything about the blog which came out a few weeks ago and yes, it discusses some very private aspects of my life which I have been quiet about up until now. Since people have to run to me like cheerleaders to tell me about the blog and I've indeed read it. I am neutral with it.
I did however, a few months ago post screen shots which were sent to me by a trusted individual. We should all know and realise being adults nothing we ever post via social media is necessary "private". Anyone can easily copy and send anything we write anywhere so be conscious about who you discuss and how you talk about them everything does have a way of venturing back.
Secondly, it angers me to an extent that these individuals are claiming I am harassing and bullying therm. For one, I have not gone out of my way to contact anyone from my former burlesque troupe and possibly just once because the messages were getting to a point where it was out of control. I don't know anyone in their right mind who is older than me to write me the sort of messages they have been. Also, they need to stop playing the "victims". I don't have any "beef" with anyone of you and having beef with someone would mean that we wouldn't like one another...I just simply don't care about any of you.
Thirdly, as always my personal life has always been my business. If I don't want to talk about whom I am dating/involved with that is my choice and just live with it. I am not required to tell any person anything I don't feel comfortable doing. Live with it.
Lastly, the rumours: I'm not crazy and obsessed with anyone from my former burlesque troupe. I mean who keeps taking screen shots of my facebook and passing it among one another in attempts to humiliate me? They continue to message my friends [and for two weeks straight sent death threats to one of my best friends], and my cousin I didn't "steal" anyone's boyfriend or anything else. Just get over it.
I don't feel sad or anyway about either of them. I actually feel sorry for them. I think there is something missing in their own lives that they have to continuously belittle someone to make themselves feel better. It's low self esteem on their end actually. I'm not insecure, I'm not jealous and not a hater because really there isn't anything they have I would want. I have my own job and career; they are making themselves out to be more than what is necessary.
I am thankful for experiences in burlesque because I did learn alot about myself as a person and as a person, so it is a good bye for always just for a little bit. I do intend to perform in Trauma again next year and I actually have some projects of my own brewing. I just need to be away from that negativity.
Never give up on anything and there will always be people who don't like you for whatever reason and that is a part of life. Maybe my former burlesque troupe never liked me but at least respect me as a human being, and even with that I really don't care much about them at all.
Thursday, November 13, 2014
Thursday, October 23, 2014
News numbers, new performances, new inspirations.
I have been pretty quiet these past few months in regards to performing and things of that nature. Yes, I am still around with photo shoots and performing. I will always be a dancer, regardless of my age or anything else that is reflecting that.
These past few months have been a testing period for me and believe it or not it was re discovering myself as a person and as a performer. The typical who am I? notion and think we all go through this phase performers or not...we're all people. We all have different wants and needs in our lives and things which are important to us.
The past 7 months have been remarkably different: new relationship, new outlook on life and new outlets for being creative. I think I have grown in these past 7 months more than any experience in my life...performance wise. I also think it is who you surround yourself with which reflects a person's creative growth.
Thankfully, I have been able to surround myself around people who are incredibly talented, creative, positive and extraordinary individuals and every day I am in awe that able to create with so many amazing artists. It was rediscovering that inspiration that at a time was actually lost.
Previously, it was more so being what another person wanted me to be which did not fit me as a performer at all. There shouldn't be anything to feel ashamed of the sort of music I like, the musicians I associate myself with, or the artists I choose to create with. We all are drawn to different artists, music, performers that speak to us and for whatever reason these individuals speak me in a creative way.
Sure, we're all not perfect no one in this world is. I also think in the past much jealousy was involved. And, I never considered myself to have "haters" or people being jealous. I just always felt not everyone will like you regardless whatever it is you're doing. Yet, at the same time be mature enough and respect people for their choices. I know what I choose for myself may not be for everyone else and vice versa. Just deal with it. Honestly, now it is coming to the realisation of how people in this world can be, some negative and some positive.
I've lost someone who I thought was my best friend and this business will teach you a lot about how people truly are. All in all people will say what you've done to them, but always remember what they've done to you...strikely different stories.
I am hoping to continue this journey as a performer and there are some new things in the works. Just be positive always, and keep the flow going.
So yes, my performances are more mature and have grown with me as a person. In one week I am debuting two of these numbers. I am excited, yet nervous at the same time only because one never know how it will be received.
I am just going to keep being positive and perform. It's what I do.
xx
Natalia
These past few months have been a testing period for me and believe it or not it was re discovering myself as a person and as a performer. The typical who am I? notion and think we all go through this phase performers or not...we're all people. We all have different wants and needs in our lives and things which are important to us.
The past 7 months have been remarkably different: new relationship, new outlook on life and new outlets for being creative. I think I have grown in these past 7 months more than any experience in my life...performance wise. I also think it is who you surround yourself with which reflects a person's creative growth.
Thankfully, I have been able to surround myself around people who are incredibly talented, creative, positive and extraordinary individuals and every day I am in awe that able to create with so many amazing artists. It was rediscovering that inspiration that at a time was actually lost.
Previously, it was more so being what another person wanted me to be which did not fit me as a performer at all. There shouldn't be anything to feel ashamed of the sort of music I like, the musicians I associate myself with, or the artists I choose to create with. We all are drawn to different artists, music, performers that speak to us and for whatever reason these individuals speak me in a creative way.
Sure, we're all not perfect no one in this world is. I also think in the past much jealousy was involved. And, I never considered myself to have "haters" or people being jealous. I just always felt not everyone will like you regardless whatever it is you're doing. Yet, at the same time be mature enough and respect people for their choices. I know what I choose for myself may not be for everyone else and vice versa. Just deal with it. Honestly, now it is coming to the realisation of how people in this world can be, some negative and some positive.
I've lost someone who I thought was my best friend and this business will teach you a lot about how people truly are. All in all people will say what you've done to them, but always remember what they've done to you...strikely different stories.
I am hoping to continue this journey as a performer and there are some new things in the works. Just be positive always, and keep the flow going.
So yes, my performances are more mature and have grown with me as a person. In one week I am debuting two of these numbers. I am excited, yet nervous at the same time only because one never know how it will be received.
I am just going to keep being positive and perform. It's what I do.
xx
Natalia
Saturday, September 13, 2014
This Friday September 19
This Friday we're celebrating a number of things it's the one year anniversary of Boob Thirty every third Friday by the Columbus Burlesque Collective. I am excited to perform a new number that evening as well be a pre birthday party with the public. It will also be the last local performance for Roman and Jennifer two choreographers I've been so fortunate to collaborate with. Please come out for a special evening and special performances!! 
Friday, September 5, 2014
something in our society that happens that should stop
I never would have imagined that in this day and age I would have to post on this topic, yet it is one that continues to come up very often while discussing booking, photo shoots and the like. Technically we're in the "business" of promoting beauty of all sorts but how is that often communicated to young ladies who want to pursue burlesque, dancing, modeling or acting?
My answer is this: keep going. Why? Because even though I do not publicly discuss it I quite often face barriers from cultural to my heritage. See, my father was Ukrainian and my Mum was Native American on the other hand in appearance I look more Native than anything. Does this question people when to book me, etc? Yes, in fact it does.
More than few times I have been turned down for modeling jobs or passed up because I am not porcelain white or blonde. Even though naturally, I am a red head and have freckles I still look Native and that within itself is a hard concept for many to grasp. I have also noticed that in our [American] society we love to subject one to one category or another-- it's either white or black.
I have been told that I cannot be certain characters because I am not "white" or put in the background for casting in modeling gigs because I am not "white" by their terms. The other question I have is what does this tell the future generation and young girls of our society?
That they are not capable of playing a leading role because they are not "white" or because they don't have a certain look they are unable to be something more...that is exactly what we are expressing to young girls as a society and it is a facet of our culture I wish would stop.
The whole point of it is just that is ACTING. So, maybe we should begin telling girls "oh you cannot portray that role, you're British, the role is Italian" no one questions that but it essentially is the same concept...right?
I remember once discussing with a photographer about a gig and he wanted to cast Native American models he told me I wasn't a "fit" but he casted a blue eyed model to be "Native American". It is remarkable to me how much in American society how people are still culturally ignorant about race and other cultures.
My advice is this: a girl can be whatever or whoever she wants to be in this world and I don't care what culture or race she is from. I always thought that was the whole focus of acting...we're portraying characters not race, when we strictly do that we are further giving into the limitations of young girls in society and not to mention self esteem.
Another issue that gets me is with the advancement of special effects and make up why not cast the best suited person for that particular job? Some food for thought.
Sure, I am different than most girls in pin up and burlesque and I am proud of that absolutely nothing wrong in being different.
My answer is this: keep going. Why? Because even though I do not publicly discuss it I quite often face barriers from cultural to my heritage. See, my father was Ukrainian and my Mum was Native American on the other hand in appearance I look more Native than anything. Does this question people when to book me, etc? Yes, in fact it does.
More than few times I have been turned down for modeling jobs or passed up because I am not porcelain white or blonde. Even though naturally, I am a red head and have freckles I still look Native and that within itself is a hard concept for many to grasp. I have also noticed that in our [American] society we love to subject one to one category or another-- it's either white or black.
I have been told that I cannot be certain characters because I am not "white" or put in the background for casting in modeling gigs because I am not "white" by their terms. The other question I have is what does this tell the future generation and young girls of our society?
That they are not capable of playing a leading role because they are not "white" or because they don't have a certain look they are unable to be something more...that is exactly what we are expressing to young girls as a society and it is a facet of our culture I wish would stop.
The whole point of it is just that is ACTING. So, maybe we should begin telling girls "oh you cannot portray that role, you're British, the role is Italian" no one questions that but it essentially is the same concept...right?
I remember once discussing with a photographer about a gig and he wanted to cast Native American models he told me I wasn't a "fit" but he casted a blue eyed model to be "Native American". It is remarkable to me how much in American society how people are still culturally ignorant about race and other cultures.
My advice is this: a girl can be whatever or whoever she wants to be in this world and I don't care what culture or race she is from. I always thought that was the whole focus of acting...we're portraying characters not race, when we strictly do that we are further giving into the limitations of young girls in society and not to mention self esteem.
Another issue that gets me is with the advancement of special effects and make up why not cast the best suited person for that particular job? Some food for thought.
Sure, I am different than most girls in pin up and burlesque and I am proud of that absolutely nothing wrong in being different.
Monday, August 25, 2014
My Secret Project
I have been thinking for quite some time about performing a number to this band. See, not only the song but the bandmates are extremely important to me they are my surrogate big brothers and have watched me (literally) grow up. I cannot thank them enough for all of the experiences and I learned so much about performing and being an artist, couldn't have picked a better person than my older brother.
Thank you and much love
Little Sis
Natalia
Orbit - Mayday(Embassy): http://youtu.be/14j7NaZRNxk
Friday, August 22, 2014
Answering the Race Debate
This is a topic which truly hits home for me and for some it has actually been a debate and questions surrounding it. Also, over the past couple months I have been getting some "hate" regarding the race issue and being a performer I come across transcending stereotypes, prejudices and misconceptions from a great deal of people.
I also think that as part of our society [and human nature] we feel more comfortable "labeling" others and if someone does not fall into one particular category it makes us question entirely our society. We live in a very black and white culture...literally and for most people a person almost has to be one or the other.
So this brings up the debate about my heritage and some have even criticised me on the notion [you know, the whole "delusional" thing lol] about my ethnicity. Well, the only way I can describe it is this way:
My family is alittle bit like the singer Shakira [her family is Lebanese but she was born and raised in Columbia] so it was almost the same concept. My sisters and I were born in Thailand a small suburb so to speak of Bangkok. Culturally, my Dad was Ukrainian and my Mum was Native American; my Dad because of his work with the US government and the military my sisters and I were born there. My sisters are much older than I am 12-15 years older so they decided to remain there and attend college; they've lived in Thailand much longer and if fact consider themselves Asian and Thai. There had even been questions about myself as to whether I do the same and not necessary.
I think most of this is because being the youngest I came to the United States when I was still a baby for the most part [about 2 years old] so I have very few memories of Thailand unlike my older siblings. They feel more comfortable there and with Thai culture and I have respect for that and I can understand it must be difficult coming here different language, adjusting to a difficult culture people don't realise how difficult that is. I saw this with my sisters and my relatives who are from Ukraine and Eastern European.
So racially what do I identify as? I identify myself as a human being first and foremost and I feel more connected to my Native heritage I've been lucky to have parents from two amazing cultures and histories but yes I do feel more "Native" if people want me to fully disclose. Yes, I do speak and read Russian and Ukrainian, I am an Eastern Orthodox Christian but racially, I identify as Native.
Some people want to criticise this and that is fine, people will always have their own opinions and I cannot make people see things from my point of view and vice versa. I do know many will try to market me as African-American etc and it doesn't offend me but does it feel uncomfortable somewhat because it is not who I am as a person, instead try to "market" me as a human being. I think people make race too much of everything a person is talented, they're talented and I think continuing to label people with race only divides us even more.
Promote humanity instead of race. Think it can be far more effective.
I also think that as part of our society [and human nature] we feel more comfortable "labeling" others and if someone does not fall into one particular category it makes us question entirely our society. We live in a very black and white culture...literally and for most people a person almost has to be one or the other.
So this brings up the debate about my heritage and some have even criticised me on the notion [you know, the whole "delusional" thing lol] about my ethnicity. Well, the only way I can describe it is this way:
My family is alittle bit like the singer Shakira [her family is Lebanese but she was born and raised in Columbia] so it was almost the same concept. My sisters and I were born in Thailand a small suburb so to speak of Bangkok. Culturally, my Dad was Ukrainian and my Mum was Native American; my Dad because of his work with the US government and the military my sisters and I were born there. My sisters are much older than I am 12-15 years older so they decided to remain there and attend college; they've lived in Thailand much longer and if fact consider themselves Asian and Thai. There had even been questions about myself as to whether I do the same and not necessary.
I think most of this is because being the youngest I came to the United States when I was still a baby for the most part [about 2 years old] so I have very few memories of Thailand unlike my older siblings. They feel more comfortable there and with Thai culture and I have respect for that and I can understand it must be difficult coming here different language, adjusting to a difficult culture people don't realise how difficult that is. I saw this with my sisters and my relatives who are from Ukraine and Eastern European.
So racially what do I identify as? I identify myself as a human being first and foremost and I feel more connected to my Native heritage I've been lucky to have parents from two amazing cultures and histories but yes I do feel more "Native" if people want me to fully disclose. Yes, I do speak and read Russian and Ukrainian, I am an Eastern Orthodox Christian but racially, I identify as Native.
Some people want to criticise this and that is fine, people will always have their own opinions and I cannot make people see things from my point of view and vice versa. I do know many will try to market me as African-American etc and it doesn't offend me but does it feel uncomfortable somewhat because it is not who I am as a person, instead try to "market" me as a human being. I think people make race too much of everything a person is talented, they're talented and I think continuing to label people with race only divides us even more.
Promote humanity instead of race. Think it can be far more effective.
Thursday, July 31, 2014
Nurse Problems
When "It's shitty" can be an appropiate response to how was your night?
You forget what television looks like
Drinking pop out of a graduate seems normal to you
Your wardrobe consists of nothing but scrubs
You listen and count your significant other's respirations while sleeping
You have an active debate with your pharmacist about your prescription
You already know your diagnosis before going to the doctor
You have a list of doctors/nurses you want caring for you
Develop a warped sense of humour
House seems so unrealistic
Judge films and can tell where the mistakes are in forensic scenes
Band aids fix everything
Your purse is filled as a first aid kit
Anything that sounds like an alarm sends you into Olympic sprint mode
All your shoes are sneakers
Able to successfully make everyone sick at the dinner table
Know all about sedatives
Ativan and Haldol become your best friends at work
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