nursing humor

even though I graduated not too long ago in nursing it has been quite a journey and I am thankful for the patients I've met they're all so inspiring but yes this pretty much sums up the unit where I work [and yes, even though I perform do have a "day" job] and many do ask but love performing just as much as nursing. And of course being in nursing a sense of humour is definitely important thing to have :-)

you believe patients need TLC: Thorazine, Lorazepam and Compazine
you would like to meet the inventor of the call light in a dark alley one night
your sense of humor gets more "warped" each year
you notice you use more four letter words now than before you became a nurse
you don't get excited about blood loss unless it's your own
when checking the level of orientation of a patient you aren't sure of the answer
you find yourself checking out customers arm veins while in line
your purse now consists of scissors, band aids, and ointments
you have late night delivery on speed dial
you believe not all patients are annoying some are unconscious

on a lighter note....

now just want to post something with a humorous side to make everyone laugh [hopefully] but has anyone ever seen the film Top Secret! ? I think it is one of the most ridiculous yet hysterical films that makes me laugh nonstop; to top it off it has that goofy make fun of spy films humour which I absolutely love. So, yea my quirky British humour comes out there but I love comedy films more than anything, besides I am a person who loves to laugh in general so hope everyone enjoys!!

xoxo

Nat

yellow raincoat

after listening to the entire album I just grew to love yellow raincoat out of them all and think maybe it is because can relate to that. When I first heard the title I pretty much knew right away it would be a song about someone who has a raincoat to protect from the rain...the storms life sends to us and think in a sense at some point we all do that. Yes, life can send storms our way and we do need to protect ourselves from them and also know that in the end they don't last forever either; there is typically a rainbow after all of the rain and to me that is one of the things in which  makes this song so beautiful [to me at least]. walls can help us and protect us but at the same time when we feel safe enough or when the storm passes it's okay to take off the raincoat and in my case why I sometimes carry an umbrella...those help too :-)

for my dear ex [my turn to speak]

so recently people had been asking about him and that is a road I don't want to go down once again...just started a new beginning wish him the best but his life won't include me again and after all this time never really said anything about the whole situation but this sums it up perfectly.

I found a letter this morning I wrote long ago

It was folded and tucked into an old envelope

In the back of a Bible that I haven't touched in years

Now I'm holding these pages that you'll never read

And it's sad even now you could never concede

That your leaving your cheating was ever in your control

Well you got what you asked for you're all by yourself

And I've still got your picture face down on the shelf

I remember the days when we laughed and we cried

Before the spoils of love left you rotten inside

Now the love that you lost is the one thing you'll never find

Well they say every guy hits a quarter-life crisis

Decides what he wants and then changes his mind everyday

But for you there was a change in your heart too

I miss the way that you'd look at me just brown eyes to blue

Even after you wandered even after I knew

I still loved you, you're the only thing I ever lived for

Now the poetic justice it's more than I need

How you're stuck in Columbus still making ends meet

And your best friends and girlfriends are using you up

Like a fountain of youth and there's never enough

They're all scared half to death to get old

Now you're in the same ruts going down the same road

And the life that you missed is the one thing you'll never know

Now I'm in California the one place you dreamed

You could start your new life, a life without me

And I'm setting my roots down in your promised land

That you wanted so bad it slipped right through your hands

And I feel like I'm normal again

I'm finding it easier to smile I don't have to pretend

There's a part of me that wants you to come

But there's far too much damage that can't be undone

And it's hard to believe... now the rabbit has the gun

quotable page

basically these are thoughts which were too long to make it as tweets LOL

"people ask me all the time about my sexuality. people don't know if i'm straight, bi, or gay but if really pay attention it really isn't that difficult to figure it all out and of course i don't say anything because i like to keep people guessing it makes it more fun. and besides the focus should be more on my performances anyway...right? but naturally people want to know so to answer bluntly...i like boys"

"when i first started performing i was told i would have fans, haters and stalkers. i find that fascinating...stalkers i cannot wait to meet you"!

"people seem more curious about my personal life and i tend to be more private with my personal life; if i have feelings for someone i'm not going to hide it but what happens there after is between the guy and myself.   most people know i am involved or what have you with someone but the details i've been pretty good at keeping those things private thus far..."

"yea, i wrote romeo + juliet for someone i have feelings for. those close to me know like my best mates because they know me better than most, i've known them since we were all kids. i don't like to openly say hey this song was written for xyz because music should be something everyone should be able to relate to. so when someone reads the lyrics they can say hey...i know that feeling too"...

"i don't drink much nor do drugs and never will. it isn't because i think i am better than everyone, but i grew up with a father who had issues with those things, he was a novelist but i just have seen what that all can lead to and don't want to go down that road"....

"my life is/was far from perfect. no one has a perfect life. it really annoys me when people tell me 'oh you're young' really as if i didn't know that already? just because i am young doesn't mean the pain wouldn't affect me as much as if i was in my 40s"....

"people compare to angelina jolie alot  because they say she's weird and i'm weird. okay...but she's also very talented, has a big heart and outspoken...guess that is people's nice way of telling me that"...

"i love rumours because they make my life way more fascinating. once a radio host said i got drunk and told her i slept with a musician backstage[ which i didn't]. i'm thinking really...i only met you for five minutes or less at a show and only saw her the one time and it was hi nice to meet you. but oh well it makes me look badass, but it is hilarious because it seems the first thing people go for is oh she slept with so and so but i find it all funny which is why i never respond to them [rumours]" 

"people are hysterical with the things they come up with. i could walk into a room and say, ' i like green peas and people would swear it is a drug reference".

"going through all of that stuff with my ex boyfriend was hard because it was my first major break up and had to go through all that in front of everyone. thankfully, that part of my life is over and just learned, grew from it and went on a new path. now learned recently he wants to come back but you know...sometimes just have to let things be and move on"

"i have like 3 best mates and i grew up with them so we've known one another since we were all in grade school mostly. it's hard for me to open up to people not going to lie i have trust issues because of all the things i've been through in the past. people mistake that as me being shy but really it is just me becoming more comfortable then i open up."

"i started songwriting again after my brother was killed in a car accident. i never cried so much before in my life; i just needed to get all of those emotions out and it literally felt like someone took away a piece of my heart. he was not only my brother but he was my best friend, my hero and partner in crime. i don't think he truly knew how much i looked up to him in so many ways but he had such a giving heart and exceptionally loyal to those he loved. when i found out he was an organ donor that sounds like something he would do because that is just who he was"

"no, ladies never kiss and tell. i have loads of secrets but will everyone know them no way. some things people just don't need to know"

"i was never into gaining followers on twitter. if people follow me that is great if they want to learn more about me as a performer and as a person even better. but i do know that just because people don't follow you that doesn't mean that people are reading what you write or put out there. that is one reason i try to be responsible for what i post because bottom line: if it's something i feel uncomfortable saying in front of my Godfather [who is a priest] then i wouldn't post it on twitter. thankfully, he trusts my judgment enough to be responsible as a person"

"i honestly want to be in love like the type of feeling where i can be with someone and still crush him. i think that is so attractive to date a person for a while and still crush him. people call me a hopeless romantic but i think situations like sleepless in seattle can exist who are we to place limits on love...it should be free no boundaries to it."

"when we limit ourselves to 'types' like i will only date people this age or hair colour etc it narrows our options to find someone truly amazing. i think our soulmates or the person we're meant to be with ultimately is that one person who breaks all of our preconceived guidelines just to prove ourselves wrong"

"it does annoy me when people say, 'oh you're young' really...as if i didn't know this already? just because i am no where near 40 yet that doesn't mean life hasn't been exceptionally easy. i had to be 40 when i was 15 because of my life circumstances we all grow at different levels in our lives"

"what type of person will i end up with? i honestly think he will be either a performer or a musician. i grew up around musicians my whole life so it's pretty much all i know. 'normal' people are difficult for me to relate to but artists just 'get me' they always have. 'normal' people expect me to go x then y then z but as a creative i always see it as well why not add something else in between that. it drives most people nuts"

billboard....

I read the Billboard Magazine article and can honestly say that I have even more respect and admiration for him [Justin]. As a performer it is so difficult to put part of yourself out there for the entire world to see, mean it's sharing things that at times can be quite personal [or not] that happen in our lives. Sometimes people will hear the story and sometimes not but I am thankful he was able to open up and tell his side of the story; with my own experience it is very hard to do because people do like to judge and at times focus on the negatives in a person's life when there are so many positives that could be focused on. We also have to remember that no one on this planet is perfect we're human allowed to make mistakes and grow as people this is what life is about and not be so judging. Honestly, I am proud of him and what he has accomplished  because he is pursuing his passion. But, what I do see is someone who is genuine and real about his life and what he puts into his music and that is amazing to me because very few people out there are in this world. If I could tell him anything personally it would be to keep strong.

xoxo

Nat

symphony of blase

last night I tweeted about finding out who your true besties are and it is something that recently I have been dealing with but hadn't said too much until now. I don't relate to many people and the few super close friends are amazing to me, yet guess in time we grow apart and our lives change. Another sad aspect in all this is when people are so consumed with pursuing fame that it changes us entirely; one thing my Mum always told me is try to remain grateful and humble and certainly hope I am able to do that over time. Yet, life experiences as I am learning can change us from time to time and think with some people being "famous" is far more important than anything else and that negativity [especially when there is no balance or strong support system] makes us into something else entirely...almost like the film Black Swan. I have three friends whom I still remain super close to and their friendship means everything in the world, but like I mentioned earlier it is a learning experience even now I am still growing and learning as a person and just learning who is truly there and who isn't.

double header....

**apologies because I couldn't figure out the accents on here
**excuses parce que je n'arrivais pas à comprendre les accents sur ici


Un jour, j'etais agee deja, dans le hall d'un lieu public, un homme est venu vers moi. Il s'est fait connaitre et il m'a dit: <<Je vous connais depuis toujours. Tout le monde dit que vous etiez belle lorsque vous etiez jeune, je suis venu pour vous dire que pour moi je vous trouve plus belle maintenant que lorsque vous etiez jeune, j'aimais moins votre visage de jeune femme que celui que vous avez maintenant, devaste>>

-l'amant, par Marguerite Duras.

random Q & As

so felt like answering some random Q & A questions [and I always enjoy reading the questions lol] 

Q: Your favorite ice cream flavor?
A: strawberry...but I love Jeni's ice cream so amazing!

Q: Your favorite cookie?
A: oatmeal and raisin....I also love those molasses cookies

Q: Favorite restaurant?
A: I don't really have one!! I do love Thai food because it is what I grew up eating a lot and Russian food so anyplace with those yea...I'm good and us Slavs love to eat :-p

Q: Do you feel more Native American or Slavic culturally?
A: good question!! I grew up with the influence of both and for me it is finding a balance but have to admit my Dad's genes are pretty strong in me LOL. I am definitely Eastern European personality wise in so many ways.

Q: You are songwriting again?
A: Yes. I began writing more after what happened with my brother; that whole experience and have been am still going through a bit and it is just my way of expressing all of those emotions. I write music to communicate sounds weird but always have and probably always will.

Q: There are musicians in your family...like alot?
A: Yes. My Mum and my brother both were musicians and even my eldest sister plays the acoustic guitar exceptionally well so yea we've been surrounded by music all our lives and are passionate about it in some form or another.

Q: so Romeo + Juliet you already explained the story behind it?
A: yes, I basically wrote it because I saw someone going through something I went through not too long ago and could somewhat relate and telling him to be strong, he will make it through and people do see and listen...hear his story.

Q: Who is Craig Smith?
A: he is a long time friend and mentor in music he and I collaborate often and the inside joke is that he is Neil Gaiman and I am Tori Amos. You know, some random guy she mentions in songs haha. No, but he has been an amazing mentor music wise and is quite talented himself so I feel grateful for his friendship over the years.

Q: Dating...what kind of guys?
A: I know I mentioned wouldn't discuss personal stuff but I would have to date someone whom I admire and have the utmost respect for, also someone who challenges me meaning makes me push myself in some way or another. Also someone who is humble and down to Earth and honest/genuine. Someone who is kind and generous and most definitely a wicked sense of humour. I have a big sense of humour and he would definitely have to be able to laugh...like for long periods of time.That is one thing I know I inherited from my Mum her quirky British humour so yea. 

Q: Thoughts on burlesque and performing and being recognized?
A: Well, it was just something I splunked into pretty much, being a dance kid many of my friends started getting into it I would go watch them perform and so finally just went into it. I am not big on going nude which was my own personal decision for various reasons and yea recently was recognized. I had someone fangirl me...it was the coolest yet interesting moment thus far; I will always see myself as just a girl who is chasing dreams and living life to the fullest.

Q: Maturing and performing?
A: yea, it is hard. I have grown quite a bit between then and now. I am still learning not perfect but that is the purpose of life we learn from our mistakes, but as far regrets go I have none whatsoever. Probably the only regret I do have is I wish could have more time with my parents and brother. But yea, people tell me "oh you're young, blah blah" yea but it's still quite a bit and what affects me may not affect someone else and vice versa we all have our scars from life though.

fear of falling is....[prelude to umbrella]

...is not knowing if that person will actually be there to catch you; if you're taking a risk on an empty notion in that smallest thought of him not knowing who you are. It's wondering if that person sees you just as much as you see him, or if his words are offerings to keep hope alive on a string. I've been down that road before, where many offer just simple promises and never deliver, they have joy out of watching girls fall only to crash in the end. It's the suffering of not knowing that kills me everyday and that is why I have an umbrella it's my safety net and let's me fall slowly, not so fast so I don't get hurt in the process but the main question is...do I keep holding on to it..the fears, the uncertainty,  or let it go?....but that is why we have faith and that is why we believe...because faith is the assurance of things unseen that have yet to come.....

story behind romeo + juliet

a little while ago I posted lyrics to a song I had written entitled romeo + juliet  and just had many people ask what is the song about. Well first and foremost it isn't a "diss" towards anyone; really wanted to make that point clear. Overall the song is my perspective of events that had been going on and being in a similar situation; it is also reflective and reminding us that many times we focus so much on one person [who may or may not be good for us] yet there is someone else right there in which the right moment was waiting for us to really open our eyes...basically Romeo was in love with Rosaline before he saw Juliet. It is also my personal experience because how many times have we noticed someone or wonder if that person notices us in return? Yes, I at times even do the same because I am human like everyone else. It is also telling him to be strong and don't let people get the best of him and things will turn around; but also saying hey, have feelings for this person too...so what will happen never know.


xoxo

Nat

fumbling towards ecstasy....

Fumbling Towards Ecstasy is one of my favourite albums by Sarah McLachlan [well one of my favourite albums in general] and it just describes my life right now...you know you get to a point where let all of the past stuff go and want to move forward in life letting go of fears...so I am deciding to let myself fall in hopes he will catch me....

believe....

I am going to be completely honest; like many I am excited for the acoustic album to be released on January 29. But, I think there is something about music in general that makes me exceedingly happy as a person and having a Mum as a musician it makes me appreciate what musicians do so much more. I honestly think it is a huge risk for any performer because he or she is putting a small piece of themselves out there for the world to see and think as well everyone is in their own way is telling us a story it's just up to the public to decide how open and willing to listen. So basically, I have nothing but utmost respect for musicians as a whole and just being open with millions of people has to be frightening at times and I feel the same way when it comes to dancing/choreography never know if people truly are understanding what as an artist trying to communicate. Nonetheless, cannot wait to hear it, and really listen because know he has quite a bit to say.....<3

never be afraid to dream big.

like most in this country I am following the inauguration events on the telly; I think it is absolutely amazing how one person's dream can ultimately affect how society today. Thinking upon it, if it hadn't been for MLK, Mother Teresa, etc many facets of our society would not be so right now; I am so eternally thankful for those who are fearless who despite what society has taught them or tried to make them believe they continued to believe in themselves and have faith. Having a Mum who was Native American she herself was often told she couldn't do anything of importance and to this day people tell me the same because of my culture, I speak a different language so yes we still have these negative connotations in society but never give up. If one thing I learned from my Mum was to dream big and always have faith...believe. So, on this day I am so eternally grateful for those who contributed to make society better ultimately, I think we still have some ways to go but just imagine how it would be if no one in the past tried? So happy birthday to one of the men who inspires me to continue on and continue to dream despite what society says; also grateful for President Obama...thank you for inspiring so many and making society better for my generation and the next.

you have my attention....

even though Copeland has broken up...I still love their music and "you have my attention" describes my mood right now...because someone does have my attention and he's had it for quite some time :-)

raining....

I haven't talked much since it happened on my feelings about losing my brother almost two months ago. It was something that happened so suddenly that it didn't even really register and my way of "grieving" is becoming a workaholic but as we all know that isn't the best route necessarily. Ever since I do have those days were it is just bleh...but I am also human things do take time to heal from especially when losing someone close to you. My brother was my best friend, my hero, my partner in crime and he was really there when I lost both of my parents. But do know he was such a giving spirit and lived life to the fullest each and everyday and that is something I will always take with me. "raining" by of verona is one of the songs which perfectly describes how I felt and been feeling about it all; just thankful for the time was able to spend with him here on Earth. I am also trying to keep a positive outlook on everything and know with time it will get better and just know that when a person is gone their love is like the wind...we don't see it but we feel it and know it's there....

xoxo

Nat

Romeo + Juliet

do you think of me

like I think of you

and even though in these

times you might feel

broken, you're not alone

you were so set on your

heart being sold only to be

told that it wasn't worth 

time to invest because

trust had been misplaced

but I understand she was your Rosaline

still, don't let her win and see you cry

I know it's worth a try, just if you'd

let me I'd like to be your Juliet

inadvertent kindness that was later

used to draw down the shades

parting words that were long left unsaid

too many goodbyes the  one that was

 long overdue

so don't be afraid to breathe me in

and don't be afraid to see me

because I could be everything you need

I understand she was your Rosaline

still, don't let her win and see you cry

I know it's worth a try, just if you'd let

me, I'd like to be your Juliet....

fashion Q & A

so here is a Q & A all about fashion...yaaay!

Q: Who is your favorite designer?
A: I have several:  Louis Vuitton, Michael Kors, Mar Jacobs, Coco Chanel and Dolce & Gabbana.

Q: Which designers do you wear the most?
A: Going to be honest, I have more Louis Vuitton  but I actually prefer to wear local or indie designers. One of them is Make Believe Monsters their t shirts are fabulous!!!

Q: What was it like having a Mom for a runway model?
A: It was pretty cool. I grew up around fashion and music so it's all I pretty much have been exposed to. My Mum taught me how to work the runway so I remember putting on her heels and walking up and down the hallway practicing.

Q: Favorite fashion magazine?
A: I love Vogue or Elle I read those two the most.

Q: Your fashion influences?
A: Everyday people! I love setting trends more so than following them. My clothing style is pretty quirky so I love anything that is out there or something that no one has seen or done before.

Q: Most interesting fashion moment?
A: When I attended an event and a girl had on the EXACT outfit I did. It was pretty funny but those things happen from time to time. Just learn to laugh at them.

Q: Favorite shoes?
A: I am more of a chuck type of girl!! I do and will wear heels but typically I love to just loaf around in sneaks like converse or chucks.But it's weird I say that about heels but love wearing pointe shoes.

Q: Fashion icons?
A: Coco Chanel and Audrey Hepburn. I am so fascinated with 1950s and 1960s fashion for both men and women. I think women were more glamourous then. I typically go for a classic look and natural I don't like to see women cake on make up etc it doesn't seem "real" to me.      

Q: Your first runway show?
A: I was so incredibly nervous! My fear is always forgetting where the runway ends and walking into the crowd ha ha.

Q: You prefer gothic high fashion and pin up to editorial, why?
A: One reason is because I didn't want the constant comparisons. Not that I didn't mind but I wanted to find my own niche in the fashion industry aside from my Mum. But I've always been attracted to the edgier side of fashion as well not what everyone else likes so to speak. It was more about creating my own identity.

Q: It was or still is hard in the fashion industry marketing wise?
A: Yes, very much so. When I very first started everyone wanted to try and "market" me as something I am not which was so hard. I just felt like (and still do) that it is easier to categorize people so when it came to me it was a whole wtf ?? notion. Finally, it just came down to why not just "market" me as is..a human being? It is what it is but yes there are moments.

Q: Where do you see yourself in the fashion industry?
A: It is really hard to tell. I love modeling now and the traveling, etc. but really I see myself "retired" and being a mum which is what I hope for someday. Maybe then I will take up designing but who knows!! 

Saturday morning Q & A

Q: What is your favorite time of the day?
A: definitely not the morning...yuck! LOL I've never been a morning person.

Q: What is your favorite cereal?
A: Captain Crunch Berries or shredded wheat but usually I like oatmeal in the mornings for breakfast too

Q: What instruments do you play?
A: I play piano, acoustic guitar somewhat.

Q: What are your thoughts before you perform?
A: That there are actually people out there in the audience ha ha. I remember one time I peaked out from backstage and freaked because there were so many people in the audience I wanted to run away!!!

Q: How do you prepare before a performance?
A: I am a goofball so I may be in the back doing something hysterical it helps me relax.

Q: What is your relationship status?
A: I'm lingse......

Q: Explain the song you wrote "nonchalance"?
A: I wrote it about a personal experience. The song itself is about a girl where basically a guy is a jerk to her because he thought she wasn't "cool enough" for him, so he decided to chase greener grass only to find out...he made the wrong decision and tries to come back. But, I just learned became wiser and grew. I am actually glad it didn't work out because it left me open for someone way more amazing. As for me, when it comes to the other guy...no I don't do refunds :-)

Q: Music is very personal to you?
A: It is very much personal to me. My Mum was a professional musician so I grew up around music and musicians my whole life. Music is just in my blood. I do feel more comfortable expressing myself through music and think with most artists we put a piece of our souls out there for the world we just need to listen enough to hear what we're trying to say.

Q: What kind of guys do you like?
A: He would definitely have to understand how important music is to me for sure. Have a sense of humour because me and bestest friends are total goofballs we all love to laugh.Basically just be himself...if the connection is there it will be there....

Q: Your typical Saturday?
A: depends!! I love going to the movies though it is sort of my guilty pleasure to go spend an entire day at the movies don't know why just is!!

Q: If you could date one celebrity it would be....?
A:  I do routines to two of his songs, that is all I am going to say ha ha.

Q: Is it true your song Romeo + Juliet is about him?
A: Yes, that is true. 

performance soundtrack

here is a list of songs I've done routines to [because people have been asking] so go ahead create your playlist :-p
xoxo

Nat


1. Out of Town Girl- JB
2. Love Me Like You Do-JB
3. Dissolved Girl- Massive Attack
4. Alejandro-Lady Gaga
5. Heartbreaker- Steve Aoki featuring Lovefoxxx
6. Bad Girl- Madonna
7. They Will Fall Like Roses- Of Verona

go ahead and raise your glasses....

Becoming a hospice nurse has been one of the most challenging yet rewarding experiences of my life thus far. I promised my parents before pursuing any type of performance career I would attend school and earn some sort of training...my ultimate decision was nursing. Always felt the need to help others; before I finished my clinicals was told by one of my advisers that hospice is probably one of the most demanded type of nursing. I know understand why as it is very emotionally difficult and for myself dealing with my own grief trying to help others through the same ordeal can have extremely difficult times.
 If one thing I did learn is that the smile, laugh, hug, hand holding may be the last time someone will ever do those sorts of things with that patient. It puts everything into perspective and has made me so grateful for each and every single day and how lucky we are.
 Tonight had one lady tell me she felt as if she didn't fit in with everyone else and that she was "different". I played/sang the following song for her because it is okay to be different by society standards nothing wrong with it. So yes, I will continue to fight for the underdogs maybe it is because I have always been one myself; but my patients are so strong and fighters they inspire me every single day. If anything when not performing being in nursing is the second best thing I could experience. So please be kind to one another...and don't be afraid to raise your glasses :-)

xoxo

Nat

erratic thoughts late at night something is brewing

I am having one of those moments where creatively it seems everything is just wanting to burst out like all at once. Routines are just over flowing with choreography, writing music and basically in a "zone" mode if that even makes sense to anyone. So for those who are wondering we're on break until the 24th of this month then I begin performing again; I miss being on the stage and having that creative outlet..I miss performing, I miss the "Pagers" they make me smile and never would have thought that in a million years. Right now, I am just a bubble of random uncollective thoughts. It only seems to make sense in music then it sounds perfectly clear. Maybe it is me growing as a person and a performing; people have said I've changed and maybe so...sort of grew a lot mean no longer that cutesy little girl with a Mia Farrow haircut....still the same...just a woman now...I just need a fedora and everything will be complete.
But for now...think Possession by Sarah McLachlan says it all perfectly. 
xoxo,
Nat

post modern romantic [if we call it that]

One. I love historical fiction stories. I love history so anything that is remotely close to a historical fiction sort of story I will read and re read [or watch]. As mentioned before L'amant by Marguerite Duras is one of my favourite novels considering it takes place in Indochina [when the French colonized Vietnam]; it also reminds me of my family and because of my Dad's work we were all born in Indochina for the most part hence why we grew up speaking French [we had to in school] but more so my older sisters. Nonetheless here is another favourite scene from the film L'amant and yea...maybe at heart I am just a hopeless romantic but think this is one of the most sensual scenes in the film it's innocent yet at the same time we know or get an idea what is going to happen later....yea okay so I am a Libra...go figure ha ha. I am still awaiting my French copy to arrive where is it anyway?? :-p

apparently I have dopplegangers or two

I have been fascinated for a while with dopplegangers maybe it is because I just recently watched Qui est Veronique? (Who is Veronique?) a French/Polish film about dopplegangers where apparently two women who look a like except one lives in Poland the other France....so I decided to try a few sites to see who my dopplegangers would be and according to 5 different sites the top one was 

Marion Cotillard



Mila Kunis (to which I really don't get?)



But personally I feel my true doppleganger is my Auntie (my Dad's sister even my Dad used to admit it)

Q & A time but I have no worries....

Q: Explain again what is your heritage?
A: my Dad was Ukrainian and my Mum was Native American Choctaw/Cherokee

Q: What type of modeling do you do?
A: I am a promotional model for various companies and a pin up model. I am also a burlesque performer...shhhh....LOL!

Q: Have you been published?
A: Yes. I have had articles published and been in a calendar as well it is still surreal to me about it though.

Q: Do you consider yourself a "local" celebrity?
A: No, although some say that I am. It is weird when people do come up to me and even recently had someone ask me for an autograph...not used to that at all!!! So yea, when people recognize me it is weird to me because I still see myself as a girl just enjoying life.

Q: But you had relatively famous parents?
A: Yes, but I [and my sisters/brother] were all so sheltered. I think my parents wanted us to be "normal" especially with me when I started modeling at 14 they were so protective.

Q: How did you come about pin up modeling?
A: I've always loved anything vintage. I've done editorial and some high fashion but I just love pin up the most. It's fun, quirky much like my own personality it just suits me more I think.

Q: Which models have you worked with?
A: Well, I did work with one who is a relatively known editorial/high fashion model [and for Maxim] who ended up becoming one of my best friends! We met at a casting of all places haha. We just became fast friends she has since retired from modeling but yea she's my girl!!

Q: Who is your favorite model?
A: right now Arizona Muse. I just love her!! Models aren't the same as when I was younger and it wasn't that long ago. I mean no offense but the models like Cindy Crawford, Heidi Klum don't exist anymore it seems. They are  personalities and just not too keen on the newer ones.

Q: How many tattoos do you have?
A: I have 9 tattoos haha. I am planning a few more one in tribute to my big brother who was killed in a car accident last month. But yes, I feel tattoos at least in my experience mark different aspects of my life significant moments.

Q: What are your tattoos?
A: I don't always talk about my tattoos and what they are. But my favourite is the one on my back. It's in tribute to my family.

Q: Why don't you talk about your tattoos?
A: When I got my very first tattoo there was so much controversy over it, like literally. People were even protesting to have me ex communicated from the Eastern Orthodox Church over it; I feel it is my body, my choices no one else's and if I decide to get a tattoo that should be my personal experience. Going through that ordeal was hard and I don't talk about them because people judge so much anymore. But hey, I have learned cannot make everyone happy and if I decide it it's on me...no one else so people can just live with it....

Q: Why don't you like the media/paparazzi?
A: It isn't all media just I remember when my parents died and there was so much going on. I just felt like why can't my family just grieve in peace? I remember all the news articles about my Dad etc and I just wanted to go somewhere and hide. People need privacy and I could walk into a room and say I like green peas and people will make that into a drug reference. So, think that is one reason I am so private even now. Another reason too is I grew up knowing my parents one way and after they died learning via the media things about their lives just really threw a different aspect on how I see people. Sure, no one is perfect you know? But yea it isn't the media as a whole...but will admit too that my friends and I do make fun of the paparazzi quite a bit though.

paparazzi, rumours,everything else in between.....

Yes. Like many I am scrolling through my twitter account and read the same things as everyone else. But, as of late I have noticed that there have been some telling tweets [as well speculations, rumours, etc] going on about celebrities private lives, especially Justin's. Now, part of me being the Libra that I am trying very hard to be diplomatic, tactful and trying to ignore everything that is going on [it's pretty much how I am] ; but there is a fine line between having opinions and using the rumour mill to further a career or stretch the ever increasing 15 mins of fame to which it seems many people in my generation love to have.
 So here are my opinions on certain things and people do not have to agree with me and that is okay don't have to; thankfully I currently reside in a country where individuals are entitled to express their opinions on topics. First and foremost like many, yes I was shocked about the entire smoking weed that is currently circulating. I think growing up in the music world and having several family members who are musicians it is something that me personally does not necessarily shock me. Would I do it? No it is not something that I am into...not saying I am better than anyone else it just isn't my thing; secondly, he is an adult the choices [and even mistakes] are for him to learn and grow as a person. I do not know not one single "perfect" person so for people to sit and continuously judge about what he does...really is not fair.
  Granted, people see him as a role model for young children but what we should be teaching our children that even role models are not perfect and are human. If there is one "perfect" role  model it should be God [for those who are religious as I am] and if anything those are the sorts of people we should strive to be as because as mentioned before...we're just human it isn't fair to judge someone based on choices; I am sure there are things other people may decide to do that may be appalling for others so let's just be fair.
   I think people are so quick to judge someone and of course the media is thirsty; but then again I lost all respect for most media after the handling of the death of my own parents. It was if my sisters and I could not grieve in peace without the media doing something and quite honestly...think that was the first time where I learned how we perceive people and how they truly are can be quite different.
  Needless to say, I still love him regardless. He isn't perfect...but then again no one is. Is it something that I would personally do...no it isn't but that does not mean I am just going to leave a person because he does something I wouldn't agree with see to me that is so conditional and flaky. Would I worry...of course because if one thing would not wish for him to go down a much more serious path but he isn't the first celebrity [if he does in fact] or person to smoke. I mean in reality it could be photo shopped or anything so don't be so quick to make assumptions about anything we see...especially if it comes from the media.
  We should focus more on the positive aspects instead of creating rumours and chaos over irrelevant issues. I focus on the fact that he has a big heart which should be the most important thing; it just seems as if someone is trying to do something positive there are always people who are negative who try to bring that person down. But am I leaving...no way...here to stay. the end and I wouldn't want to love a perfect person anyway...perfect for people can be quite boring.....

one step at a time....

call me weird [okay, I admit I am pretty weird it's okay to say it] but I have issues with artichokes for the longest. So today, I mustered up enough courage to try some artichoke on my turkey sandwich...plus also trying to be more healthy so figured why not give it a try. The thing is...I really dislike artichokes like they are disgusting to me. So decided to try a new food for once and mean couldn't hurt...right?? Turned out it wasn't so bad. I will admit not going to eat artichokes all the time but occasionally wouldn't mind added it here or there to my sandwiches or other snacks. Artichokes...you slowly won me over..... :-p

new year new Q & A

Q: You just performed on New Years Eve...how was it?
A: It was amazing! It was my first time performing on New Years Eve so it was great to see an amazing crowd and surprisingly many Pagers!

Q: Speaking of "pagers" who and what are they?
A: It was just kind of a nickname. Pagers are basically supporters who have been there since forever and remember my early days etc.

Q: You once said you're uncomfortable calling people "fans"?
A: I am. I just feel alot of people are just like...oh those are "fans" almost as if it's derogatory and don't feel it should be that way. I just look at it as people who like to support what we do, they should be respected if it wasn't for them we couldn't do what we do.

Q: Someone once said "pagers" are also "beliebers"...finding that true?
A: I mean honestly, I think it is super cool because I am probably a belieber myself haha! But guess there is a trend mean haven't really sat down and thought about all that. But think people know how much his music inspires me [as a dancer] so it probably does correlate and personally think that is really cool. I will say that I do love and respect beliebers and will defend them to the moon and back, they're awesome don't care what anyone says.

Q: What is with the Angelina Jolie comparison? And Tori Amos?
A: I think at least when I was younger I was bullied a lot growing up. And even now sometimes people will compare me because they think it is being insulting because they are "weird". But ya know, they are amazing, big hearted, very creative, independent and outspoken women...and if that is the type of girl they want to call me thanks...love the compliments haha.

Q: You talk a lot about being bullied growing up?
A: Yes, I was. I mean I was this weird girl in school had an accent at the time so the kids made fun of me all the time because they way I sound whenever I spoke. I refused to speak in class for quite some time. Even now at times people will say things [once in a blue moon] and think now that I am older just kind of ignore it. My older sisters were teased much worse but people will always find something to make fun of a person for. I just kind of developed a Bella Swan approach been very good at blocking out negativity.

Q: Being half Eastern European...how is that?
A: Being a performer and been raised very strict Eastern Orthodox Christian/Catholic it can have its moments. Even now with my family have to kind of shield them [if that is the right way of putting it]. But honestly, I love my Eastern European heritage, my language, my culture. It's totally me who I am as a person, can't think of anything else more awesome. So yes, I love speaking and hearing Russian and the little quirks about my culture. Wouldn't change it.

Q: Speaking Russian...do you?
A: Yes. We grew up speaking French because of school but yea we know Russian as well. In my household when the entire conversation went into Russian that is when we knew it got real ha ha!

Q: Would you date a "pager"?
A: sure, why not? I think it is awesome when celebrities date "fans" so to speak. I mean think many times some put themselves on pedestals and make them feel not worthy to date but no way...can't put a boundary on relationships like that. They should be free.

Q: Plans for 2013?
A: just continue to perform and grow as a performer. I was born into this world so it feels so natural to me to be on stage performing.

Q: You come from a very musical and creative family?
A: yes. My Mum was a professional musician and runway model, like she did shows for Yves Saint Laurent, etc. My Dad was a novelist and my big brother was a lead guitarist...so music was everywhere. My sisters write. I am in between both of those worlds writing and performing. But for now, love performing

Q: Your songwriting...why so protective?
A: I started writing when I was 14. I was encouraged by my English teacher to write songs because it is how I best express myself through music. I'm protective because usually it is something that is personal to me and I tend to be fairly private so.

Q: Romeo + Juliet is about....?
A: about a boy who I have feelings for and it was written at a period where things seemed at a stand point in his life. Where is he in his life now don't know mean we can hear so much from everyone else but then again people can misconstrue a lot of things. But yea, it was written by my perspective and how was seeing the situation [at the time] is it still the same don't know, I'm not big into being in someone's private life unless that person decides to tell me but other than that kind of me looking through the glass window who is Romeo sure many would like to know but it really isn't that difficult to figure out however.

Q: Do you think songwriting is a glimpse into someone's soul?
A: absolutely. if we open our hearts and our minds we can hear the story someone is trying to tell us.just have to really listen...unfortunately we don't listen enough anymore....