About a month and half ago now I left my burlesque troupe; honestly, it was not an easy decision because of all the issues involved but in actuality I knew it was something that would happen eventually. I was preparing myself for quite some time for the moment I would leave my troupe and despite how it appeared to the public it was not a happy or positive experience for me in the long run.
Ultimately, I left the troupe because of some things that were said. Granted, I made a comment on my own personal facebook account [which I am at liberty to do so] and it was in reference to no one in particular a general statement. Now, I know many talk about how people make vague statuses about people or will shade people, yet I am more of a direct person if there is something I need to say or express I will do so. One example is my closest friends and I will make inside jokes around Tori Amos lyrics it's been something we have done for as long as I have known them which is quite a long time.
Drama is not my thing. The friends I have and communicate with on facebook, twitter etc I have known for YEARS. I've always been the type of person to maintain friendships for an extremely long period of time...I don't friend hop or be friends with a person out of hype, never have and never will. So when someone asks me to "choose" between people I have known for years versus the troupe of course I am choosing my long term friends.
Now when a person is about 40 years old and sending threats and hate towards a person who is my age and younger it would make any sane person question the emotional maturity and sanity of that individual. I mean really, who does that? When you are almost 10-20 years older than us one would think that people emotionally mature but I have learned no they don't.
I am not writing this blog to bash one person or group but people need to take a look at their behaviour towards others and truly question if they are being good people when in fact they are not. What most people do not realise that the entire time I was in my troupe I have been sent threats, harassing messages from other performers both in my troupe and not in my troupe. I still continued to perform because if I stopped those who doubted me would win, those who sent me hate/threats would win. Maybe it is out of my own stubbornness who knows.
Another issue is my personal life and who I was supposedly "dating". For one, it is not for any of them to discuss who I am involved with romantically and I guess because I choreograph and performed to songs by a certain singer that means we're dating which isn't the case. I purposely avoided those questions because we should be focused on his music and we should be focused on me as an entertainer. If there is one thing I did learn from him was how to handle all of the negativity because he also receives so much and if anything he helped me to be strong in all of this. And maybe that is why he did cross my path because it was a way of helping me out as I do believe things happen for a reason and people come into our lives directly or indirectly. As we all know he is involved with someone and there is someone in my life. People are old enough to respect someone's privacy.
The last issue for me was mocking my family particularly my deceased family members. My Mum modeled and was a musician when she was younger, I am proud of that my big brother was in one of the top indie bands in the nation. So, this was something to mock which I failed to see the humour as did others.
In the end I am glad I am no longer a part of the troupe and it has made me question my role in burlesque scene and if I want to continue performing. Burlesque should be about women supporting one another as the entertainment business is difficult on us ladies as it is we shouldn't be insulting one another about their weight or looks, mocking their talents because I feel we're all talented in our own rights there is no need for all of the cattiness especially when burlesque draws an older crowd to it. Most young fan bases are far more mature than half of what I have seen in burlesque and I grew up in the industry.
I won't stop performing however; I do think I needed this time away to focus on myself and how I want to be portrayed as a performer personally and professionally. Also to work on some things in my personal life as want or hope that will be more settled. But once again I am taking things one day at a time and I feel more comfortable now than when I was with a troupe. Some people talked about how much I "sucked" as a performer but then again I was trying to be what other people wanted and not what suited me. I'm not a hip hop queen, I'm not ghetto, that is not even my culture. There isn't anything wrong with those things but that is not me nor who I am as a person.
In this short time I learned to be more comfortable with me as a person and what works for me artistically. So in the end no, none of my friends "ganged up and attacked someone" when in reality it was the opposite, my friends never messaged threats to anyone. I have had other performers get their "friends" to attack me via my personal facebook as well my friends. But really, can we stop all of this now? The Columbus Burlesque scene is not united no matter much we try to play that facade, in fact it couldn't be anymore divided. Yes, there is a "feud" going on but it is more one sided by one group of people than anything.
Yes, I will return to performing and it's because there have been some who have messaged me wanting me to come back, I've started my own troupe and realistically I know it will take some time to be fully functional and I am okay with that. I don't feel bullied or victimized, I think if anything people need to learn how to respect another person's personal boundaries. Period. End of story, we are too old to not know any better in all of this.
So if people want to be with me in making art great and if people want to spend their time gossiping, spreading rumours, hate and negativity that is all their choices in life. I am not going to say karma because you know that is the energy we put out there. People can do what they want. I'm just saying that people need to focus on their choices in life. At this point am I happy? Yes, I am very happy with my life both artistically and personally they can say whatever they want about me, because those who know me well enough would ask me first and that my dears is respect. People we should all try that once in a while.
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