you are beautiful

One thing that saddens me when I see so many young girls refer to themselves as "fat", "ugly" or any other derogatory phrase and another issue which concerns me is seeing young girls cutting themselves. We live in a society in which has become so superficial and that we value the worth of young women [and men] by what material possessions they have or how they appear esthetically and you know it isn't always the case.
  So this is my message to all of the Pagers, Beliebers, and anyone else who are women and young girls...don't cut, don't be anything other than yourself; you're beautiful as is and if people are unable to see  your true beauty then they do not deserve to be a part of your life. I know this may seem difficult and believe me I know...I have been down a road more than what most could ever imagine.
  Girls, ladies, darlings, you are all worth so much in this world and we need to begin to think about us as a society how we interpret relationships with men, with our peers and with society. Habits are so hard to break I know especially in this big world but it can definitely start with each and everyone of us.
 Know that there is someone out there who cares.
  One of the reasons I began performing is because hoping to become a role model for some and inspire because I had no one really to do that for me and don't want people to feel alone in this world because know what that is like too. It's hard enough out there as is and all of the expectations in society. We're only human beings but we can be the best we possibly can.
  Being half  Native American there were hardly any role models for me growing up per say and being a dancer I always looked up to Maria Tallchief and the worst part was being bullied in school for one my parents didn't "match" and I look Native American so I was teased relentlessly. I had an accent [which to an extent has since gone away but still there occasionally] and my elder sisters even worse in school.
  In the end I just want girls and women to feel great about themselves you don't have to be society's standard for being "beautiful" because that varies from country to country and culture to culture and preferences. You are all fireworks...just shine know there are people here and rough times don't last forever...I know from personal experiences.

take care of yourselves

much love,
Natalie

performance + appearance schedule

Okay all going to post my performance schedule and what nots so hope to see some you at shows soon.
much love
Natalie

June 28
June 28 *special appearance at the Community Festival
July 1
July 6
July 8
July 26
*Fashion/Runway show last week of October

and sure there will be more shows/appearances in between!!

the enemy

I  tend  to be drawn to music and numbers as a performer that have a tendency to really hit home for me; all of my routines mark a certain event in my life and for me it is my way of putting that wall down to let the audience in and see a part of me that most or only a few see regularly. 

  This new number "the enemy" by one of my favourite bands, of verona is a song in which I can relate to on so many levels in my life right now. The routine itself symbolizes all of the hate I have been getting since I started performing as well other issues regarding my personal life. I am a very private person so it is really difficult to have certain aspects out in the open and this routine is my way of telling all of the negative people, the doubters, the haters that I am here to stay...I don't plan to go anywhere any time soon.

Over the past months and more recently have lost friendships over me performing...me being branded a "slut", "cunt", etc etc [and apologies for the language but this is what I've been and still being called]. You know, I don't judge people for who they choose to love or what they choose to do with their lives...people can at least be respectful and respect my privacy as well the privacy of others.

  You know people may not realize it too but I do see what people say/write and I tend to be quiet a lot of the times, but I know and I do have feelings like everyone else and yes there are moments where I do want to go somewhere and cry because it is frustrating hearing and seeing all of those things especially when done nothing to people. So people think about the words you do use towards others and how it would make that person feel. 

  Overall, this number is about being the "enemy" towards people who were once your friends, society  because it is something that society and people become afraid of so they tend to make that the enemy it is also about letting all of that go and be strong.

much love.

Natalie

 

i see everything and i'm still gonna be here....

and i don't plan to go anywhere anytime soon either.....just saying.....

I can be an asshole of the grandest kind 

I can withhold like it's going out of style 

I can be the moodiest baby and you've never met anyone 

who is as negative as I am sometimes

I am the wisest woman you've ever met. 

I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected. 

I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen 

And you've never met anyone 

Who's as positive as I am sometimes.

You see everything, you see every part 

You see all my light and you love my dark 

You dig everything of which I'm ashamed 

There's not anything to which you can't relate 

And you're still here 

I blame everyone else, not my own partaking 

My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating 

I'm terrified and mistrusting 

And you've never met anyone as, 

As closed down as I am sometimes.

You see everything, you see every part 

You see all my light and you love my dark 

You dig everything of which I'm ashamed 

There's not anything to which you can't relate 

And you're still here 

What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know 

What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go 

I'm the funniest woman you've ever known. 

I am the dullest woman you've ever known. 

I'm the most gorgeous woman you've ever known 

And you've never met anyone as, as everything as I am sometimes.

You see everything, you see every part 

You see all my light and you love my dark 

You dig everything of which I'm ashamed 

There's not anything to which you can't relate 

And you're still here 

And you're still here 

And you're still here..

i see you

i see you. i see you are crazy, awkward, funny, brilliant, caring, sweet, big hearted, kind, shy, talented, reckless, goofy, and i also see how you keep these sides because you're scared of being hurt and being tough is just a mask to protect yourself. but i do see you....and love every bit of it the good and bad.....and in all honesty wouldn't want it any other way, the imperfections to me is what makes him even more beautiful. and it's okay to love someone who is crazy but coming from a very good place with it; just means made loads of mistakes that led to a mess and that is the whole point of loving someone who is imperfect perfectly. besides being perfect is boring.

quotables versions we lost count

things that were too long to tweet or comments we [my friends and me] all forgot to tweet

"50 Shades of Grey does not bother me. I mean we're gay we've done/seen much more than that"! [have to love my friends, lol]

"Okay, so he gets tattoos big deal. Everyone I know has a million tattoos, piercings, etc. Think society would freak if they saw all the people I hung out with. Honestly, I find tattoos on men quite attractive, sexy even. I am a pin up model too, so yea most of us have, I have 9; he's over 18 it's his body let him do whatever he wants...I'm sure as hell not complaining"

"It does make me uncomfortable when people ask very personal questions. I mean really, you just met me why would you want to know if I have a boyfriend, if he's white or black, or how much money I make etc. It's like calm down. Besides why should that all matter anyway? If I'm with someone I'm with him if he's white, black etc who cares. I don't have types it's too limiting."

"Nope, sorry you can't have my twitty"- my best friend Sabrena

"People always ask how I choose songs for my numbers and it's always a personal experience to me. I tend to be drawn to songs where there is a personal event I can relate to. So that leaves the question to Leather which no it actually isn't sexual at all. That number is about me taking that leap into burlesque. Throwing away all of my inhibitions and just going for it. "

"Yea, people are always so confused about my sexuality. They don't know if I'm straight, bi or a lesbian and in all honesty I like the mystery of it because it leaves people to be curious. Yes, I grew up very conservative but I am also very open minded about sexuality which beforehand was kind of difficult. But to answer the question I am an equal opportunity lover, but really though I like boys".

"I am a lot like the women on my Dad's side of the family. We're very outspoken and strong willed and oftentimes offensive. I know there have been moments where people are just like 'did Natalie just really say that'? Yea, unfortunately. Over time though I kind of learned from my mistakes and I'm still young and still growing and learning as a person. The bad effect from that is I became a little too quiet now people think I'm exceptionally shy".

"I can't be single forever, and know there are going to be a lot of male pagers out there who will be upset, but I love everyone and so thankful for their support everyone has been amazing, but at the same time I need a boyfriend too"!

"TMZ and the media do need to piss off, I mean really. Not going to lie it is one reason I don't watch the telly aside from my big brother's accident."

"People don't have respect these days. Yea there are tons of poser accounts on twitter/facebook, etc of celebrities but they do need privacy/private lives too. It's like let us go online and be normal people we feel just like everybody."

"Girls say oh I'm not dating him...ask me I would say yes, I would be honoured he's an amazing person and I'd be really proud to call him mine. I don't get it. Then again I'm also not everyone else too" [on Justin]

"Nursing has changed me a lot as a person. It has made me way more compassionate which is something I thought couldn't be capable of. Surprised a lot of people...myself included".

"When I first started performing someone told me 'you'll get haters, you'll get fans and you'll get stalkers'. I'm actually interested in meeting the stalkers"

truths amongst the dares

So...I decided to ask around last week what some "rumours" were about me and going to just be open and honest about all of them, some are outrageous some are like...really people? But it goes along with the territory I was forewarned about all this.


1. Supposed mental health condition.
-false. I think what hurt the most about this rumour is that it came from one of my former best friends so it was really disappointing. I've been advocating for mental health issues since 2008 when one of my best friends committed suicide, and being a nurse I love advocating for many causes it's just part of my nature. So no,  we're no longer friends obviously and don't think we will be not like before. It's just disappointing when trust someone for so long and believe that person is your best friend only to realise they don't have the best intentions towards you.

2.  Romeo + Juliet, Reckless and Umbrella were all written about Justin Bieber
-true. I just wrote about how I felt at that moment and still feel about certain things I see, experience. So me writing them came from a very genuine place and actually the most personal songs I've ever written.

3.  I am private about my romantic life because I am hiding things/making up stuff for attention
- false. I don't have to make up anything about any facets of my life. I just don't like to talk about it because it's a complicated situation and it's also personal.That is my personal choice to not talk about it doesn't mean everyone is entitled to know.

4. I quit nursing to pursue performing full time
-true in some aspects. I changed my schedule so that I am able to perform more.

5.I am relocating to LA for good
-true or false....again there are some things I need to talk about before making this decision.

6. Recording with my cousin who is a fairly known rapper?
-true. although it is something we've been joking with for some time now it's only going to be for fun

7.  still plotting to prank Tiger Woods
-true a long time ago he pranked my friends and I...we're still trying to think of the ultimate comeback yea we're holding that grudge for a while haha

8. me being a virgin/my sexuality
-honestly, this is something that should between whomever I decide to be intimate with. I think that is such a personal thing to discuss openly like that. But whichever man I am with will know whether if it's true or false.

9. I'm adopted.
-false. I feel there is absolutely nothing wrong with adoption and I would consider it myself in the future but no I am not. Those are my biological cousins, sisters/brother, etc our parents gave birth to us. 

10. I'm heartless
-false. It actually irritates me when people say I don't care or heartless. I care a lot and I see a lot. Just because I don't always respond, still know what people say. But don't ever think don't care because more than anyone would know.

romeo + juliet [reposting]

I've decided to repost this because have been getting a lot of questions about it and who it is about and just want to clear up some things: a) it is written about someone who means a lot to me and I absolutely adore him to the moon and back and b) it is not meant to be a"diss" towards anyone. It is merely my thoughts on a certain situation and basically letting him know how I feel. c) for those asking who...well it's pretty obvious and those who know me personally know but to clear it up it is about JB that is all. 


i want you to know
that when i see you cry
it literally breaks my heart in two
and know there are days
when you feel alone
and you might feel broken
just open your eyes
cause i see you
and one day hope you see me too

and i understand she was your rosaline
but don't let her win and see you cry
just be strong and try to hold on
cause in the end everything
will make sense

want you to know
that not everyone will
break your heart
and know it's hard to trust
when the world's your stage
and you deserve so much more
than you'll ever know

but i understand she was
your rosaline but
don't let her win and see you cry
just be strong and hold on
cause in the end everything
will make sense

i know one day you'll find
what you're looking for
and if you chose to stay
i would support
your choice
and i would never leave
your side
but at the same time
it breaks me to see you cry

yet we always forget that
romeo loved rosaline
before juliet

and i understand she was
your rosaline
so don't let her win and see
you cry
so our story isn't set
say the words and i'd
be your juliet

this may be your life [so I was once told]

“Honestly, it literally breaks my heart now whenever I read messages from my male Pagers (fans) because they always ask why can’t they be the “one” or what is it the person I’m into has that they don’t. I never really anticipated all of the male attention when I started performing...it was just something I almost accidentally went into and did it blindly but I knew I was drawn to the art and glamorous appeal it had; so,  being viewed as a sex symbol or as a woman being wanted by loads of men is a totally foreign territory for me and going to be completely honest it was [and still is] very overwhelming at times. I can’t be with them all and if I could I would but I also can’t be single forever either. I want to fall in love, get married and have children. I want that experience in my life eventually. If it just so happened that the person I am into now pursued me I would definitely say yes. But when people always ask me all the time, "do you have a boyfriend"? It's really more complicated than that. Honestly, don't know where he is at this point in his personal life and I don't follow whatever people say, especially on the telly and in the papers. But yes, I would totally be open so it's hard to answer that when in actuality I don't even really know myself at this point.  I have and always will be completely honest with people[ and Pagers]  about my personal life to an extent but it does break my heart and it is one reason I take breaks from facebook it can be hard to deal with.”
--from my personal tumblr page

Angelina

Over these past few weeks I have come to develop even more respect for Angelina Jolie not only as an artist/performer but as a person as well; I absolutely admire how she dealt with her health issues and has always been a source of inspiration for me throughout my life and honestly think she will always be so.
 People would jokingly compare me to Angelina and think much of it has to do with we really had similar life experiences and I think sometimes even though we do not meet people they can go through similar life events  and this can help us in turn grow as people. This is exactly for me with Angelina...after both of my parents died I became pretty much a wild child [if you want to call it that] but it was my relationship with my big brother who ultimately calmed me down and now just a little bit older understand things in my life much easier. I am also so thankful to my big brother and my close friends because know during that time I definitely wasn't the easiest person to be around.
  When I learned of Angelina's humanitarian work it actually inspired me to do something more and think of others besides myself and it was then I began doing work advocating for women's health issues and anti bullying and to this day still involved with these issues. I'm still growing as a person and still learning, I'm young and at times probably bound to do semi reckless things but no one is perfect either. I also feel if Angelina can grow as a person and see where she is today...there is so much for me to strive for.
  She also has Brad Pitt and for me my version of that and not going to lie would be Justin [Bieber] but you know...I am taking my life one day at a time and enjoying performing and my humanitarian work and when the timing is right...everything else will fall into place.
  So overall, I am thankful that for me and sure others can have someone like Angelina to look up to...she's who I want to be when I grow up.

xoxo

much love,
Nat

privacy please [for now anyway]

“I never could understand why people are always so interested in my personal life, especially my romantic life. I mean, people may know if I am with someone or into someone but the details about what all goes on should be between he and I; yea understand there is the public and people may be curious and that I can live with, but what gets me is when people try to be nosy because they have malicious intents and it’s one main reason why I keep a close knit circle around me. Thankfully, I've been blessed with a handful of amazing and supportive friends and family who provide such a positive atmosphere that it blocks out all the negativity. If I want to be with someone I never cared what others thought as long as he’s happy and I'm happy all that should really matter and why people must know everything is beyond me. People also act like if you're not constantly posting ‘couple’ photos on facebook, twitter etc your relationship is non existent. Believe it or not…majority of my close friends have relationships and can guarantee no one knew about it.[even the public] It’s just how we all are and that is how I am; I've always been private about my personal life. So yea, I am very much into someone right now but all the details should be between him and me if anything happens and no one else at this point; everyone isn't necessarily obligated to know. It sounds harsh but have to draw limits sometimes otherwise people will try to run all over everything in your life. My Pagers[ fans] will understand and thankfully they have been really respectful of my privacy, sure guys would be upset if I began dating someone but they get it though and be supportive. I can't be single for all of my life, I want to have a relationship with someone and be happy just like everyone else.”

-from my personal tumblr page