my love let me go back again/right back to the top of the slide down sad clown/ my clown let me love you/ what's that the back to the back of the rebound/clown hang around/hey boy won't you take me out tonight/ I get excited when I think of crawling into your arms/ my light take me there again/ up top to the top of the/ free fall a great wall/ my mouth let me kiss again/ sift out, sift out all of the dust/ hole black hole/ hey boy won't you take me out tonight/ I get excited when I think of crawling into your arms...
Monday, May 27, 2013
it's all birds and bees
If one thing I absolutely love music and it has been such a huge part of my life since birth. Growing up with a musician Mum and big brother it was always around me and it just seems communicating with music seems so natural to me and most comfortable. I love this song because it best describes where I'm at in my life for the most part <3
my love let me go back again/right back to the top of the slide down sad clown/ my clown let me love you/ what's that the back to the back of the rebound/clown hang around/hey boy won't you take me out tonight/ I get excited when I think of crawling into your arms/ my light take me there again/ up top to the top of the/ free fall a great wall/ my mouth let me kiss again/ sift out, sift out all of the dust/ hole black hole/ hey boy won't you take me out tonight/ I get excited when I think of crawling into your arms...
my love let me go back again/right back to the top of the slide down sad clown/ my clown let me love you/ what's that the back to the back of the rebound/clown hang around/hey boy won't you take me out tonight/ I get excited when I think of crawling into your arms/ my light take me there again/ up top to the top of the/ free fall a great wall/ my mouth let me kiss again/ sift out, sift out all of the dust/ hole black hole/ hey boy won't you take me out tonight/ I get excited when I think of crawling into your arms...
Saturday, May 25, 2013
an open letter
Honestly, this is going to be the most personal blog I will ever write on here as I tend to be a very private person in public and not always write about certain aspects of my life. I am however writing this because of something I recently read the other day, and know some are debating if it actually was written by him nonetheless it brings up many issues that we need to consider and my own thoughts on it.
First and foremost, I do not know of anyone who I have the utmost respect and admiration for; someone who has an amazing work ethic and puts so much energy and effort into his performances and giving his all to his fans and the like. Also, after everything he has been through these past few months while still maintaining so much maturity which is far beyond anyone I've ever known.
Justin gives so much of himself to others and quite honestly there has been very few people who have been able to bring so many together in such a positive way. The first time I experienced this it completely blew me away in the sense he truly inspires people...gives people so much hope and to live for. Sure, music may not always fix everything but believe me it does help...I know from experience and there are times when people need to hear the words "you're beautiful" or "it's going to be alright" you know why? There are people who are alone is this world and this is the only time a girl may hear she is beautiful or that someone is there to tell them it's going to be alright or to just offer a hug.
Our society has ultimately become a very cruel place emotionally. Girls are much meaner to others than ever, name calling and degrading has become the popular norm in our society and when will this all end? It won't until we look at ourselves as a whole and begin the feed the negativity with positivity.
I also feel our society has become very anti social in the sense when people need space we should respect that, a person's private life we should respect that. But do we? No, we don't. It's almost as if our society functions on a level of entitlement to which we are not allowed. No one, including Justin is expected to justify what he does with the public...he's not obligated nor is any other performer. So if someone says back off people need to start learning to respect that.
Justin may feel he is lost, but honestly I don't think he is...what I do believe is that he needs the respect he works so hard to achieve in this life. He is an amazing person inside and out and has the biggest heart of anyone I could ever imagine, so yes I think people are going a little too extreme. What happened while he was in Europe, his birthday, the Billboards...no one deserved that especially Justin.
Justin is a remarkable man and people should start to recognize that and no he won't always be a kid a forever none of us will, we grow we make mistakes this is all the part of growing as people. No one is perfect and quite frankly this is why I love him. Sometimes we learn over time who our true friends are, etc and I'm still going through the process as well. We learn by actually living...almost as a trial and error.
Honestly, in all of this I am not sure whether I am a belieber per say, but as a performer myself I can relate and do I love him...yes, will I continue to support him yes because if people truly care they wouldn't drop someone for being human...there is only one person who is perfect, but Justin yes I will be here always...know it is difficult right now but it won't always be...I promise. Sometimes people are so negative with their own lives that when they see someone who is actually making a positive change it creates jealousy...but don't let them win. Know that you have millions of people who support and love you. You are doing a remarkable job with everything, but I absolutely adore, respect and admire you in so many ways. You're still you...you always have been we all are this will never change. I'm here and I love you.
xoxo
Nat
First and foremost, I do not know of anyone who I have the utmost respect and admiration for; someone who has an amazing work ethic and puts so much energy and effort into his performances and giving his all to his fans and the like. Also, after everything he has been through these past few months while still maintaining so much maturity which is far beyond anyone I've ever known.
Justin gives so much of himself to others and quite honestly there has been very few people who have been able to bring so many together in such a positive way. The first time I experienced this it completely blew me away in the sense he truly inspires people...gives people so much hope and to live for. Sure, music may not always fix everything but believe me it does help...I know from experience and there are times when people need to hear the words "you're beautiful" or "it's going to be alright" you know why? There are people who are alone is this world and this is the only time a girl may hear she is beautiful or that someone is there to tell them it's going to be alright or to just offer a hug.
Our society has ultimately become a very cruel place emotionally. Girls are much meaner to others than ever, name calling and degrading has become the popular norm in our society and when will this all end? It won't until we look at ourselves as a whole and begin the feed the negativity with positivity.
I also feel our society has become very anti social in the sense when people need space we should respect that, a person's private life we should respect that. But do we? No, we don't. It's almost as if our society functions on a level of entitlement to which we are not allowed. No one, including Justin is expected to justify what he does with the public...he's not obligated nor is any other performer. So if someone says back off people need to start learning to respect that.
Justin may feel he is lost, but honestly I don't think he is...what I do believe is that he needs the respect he works so hard to achieve in this life. He is an amazing person inside and out and has the biggest heart of anyone I could ever imagine, so yes I think people are going a little too extreme. What happened while he was in Europe, his birthday, the Billboards...no one deserved that especially Justin.
Justin is a remarkable man and people should start to recognize that and no he won't always be a kid a forever none of us will, we grow we make mistakes this is all the part of growing as people. No one is perfect and quite frankly this is why I love him. Sometimes we learn over time who our true friends are, etc and I'm still going through the process as well. We learn by actually living...almost as a trial and error.
Honestly, in all of this I am not sure whether I am a belieber per say, but as a performer myself I can relate and do I love him...yes, will I continue to support him yes because if people truly care they wouldn't drop someone for being human...there is only one person who is perfect, but Justin yes I will be here always...know it is difficult right now but it won't always be...I promise. Sometimes people are so negative with their own lives that when they see someone who is actually making a positive change it creates jealousy...but don't let them win. Know that you have millions of people who support and love you. You are doing a remarkable job with everything, but I absolutely adore, respect and admire you in so many ways. You're still you...you always have been we all are this will never change. I'm here and I love you.
xoxo
Nat
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
before today [a year ago]
I just now came to realisation last night before drifting off to sleep that today marks exactly one year I graduated in nursing. It also marks how much my life has changed within that past year; nursing has been such a blessing in my life and so thankful for each and every experience I have encountered thus far. Granted there have been some really difficult moments and have seen quite a bit but if there is anything so honoured that have been able to serve so many wonderful and extraordinary people.
In my first nursing job I ended up working in a hospice unit so all my patients were fighting serious illnesses on a daily basis; it also put life into perspective and to be thankful for each and every single day we have here on this Earth as a gift it truly is. The people I've met have been so strong and exceptionally brave and in many ways become my own heroes throughout this life because honestly I do not know how I would personally handle what many of the patients experience.
I am still learning quite a bit in nursing and I fully understand when they say " it is when you serve others in which you find yourself" because I truly have and it's made me realise who I am as a person and what is important and meaningful in life and that is giving back to others. At first I was so nervous about going into nursing because I really didn't know if I had that giving capability and compassion towards others...but guess it proved others and myself even wrong.
In many ways it is why I do look up to Angelina Jolie so much because can relate to her story on many levels, before all this I was what one would consider a "wild child" and think this experience in nursing really taught me so much about life and myself and so thankful been able to grow as a person.
Life is all about giving back to others and sincerely hope that I am able to do so continuously throughout my life in fact I hope to be able to travel the world and make people smile and laugh...give them something to hope for because this world needs it. We focus so much on negativity in life and we should focus more on what is positive. Instead of focusing on what other people are doing let's concentrate on how we can make ourselves better because when we are giving to the positives it creates so much better energy in the world. Basically let's try to be the positives in this world people already have so many negatives to deal with.
But those who have asked, yes I will continue with nursing even though I am now performing, I want to continue because it reminds me that I am still human and normal to an extent. I want to remain humble in this life and balanced.
So please be kind to one another and always give...it's the best thing we can do for one another as human beings.
xoxo
Much Love,
Nat
In my first nursing job I ended up working in a hospice unit so all my patients were fighting serious illnesses on a daily basis; it also put life into perspective and to be thankful for each and every single day we have here on this Earth as a gift it truly is. The people I've met have been so strong and exceptionally brave and in many ways become my own heroes throughout this life because honestly I do not know how I would personally handle what many of the patients experience.
I am still learning quite a bit in nursing and I fully understand when they say " it is when you serve others in which you find yourself" because I truly have and it's made me realise who I am as a person and what is important and meaningful in life and that is giving back to others. At first I was so nervous about going into nursing because I really didn't know if I had that giving capability and compassion towards others...but guess it proved others and myself even wrong.
In many ways it is why I do look up to Angelina Jolie so much because can relate to her story on many levels, before all this I was what one would consider a "wild child" and think this experience in nursing really taught me so much about life and myself and so thankful been able to grow as a person.
Life is all about giving back to others and sincerely hope that I am able to do so continuously throughout my life in fact I hope to be able to travel the world and make people smile and laugh...give them something to hope for because this world needs it. We focus so much on negativity in life and we should focus more on what is positive. Instead of focusing on what other people are doing let's concentrate on how we can make ourselves better because when we are giving to the positives it creates so much better energy in the world. Basically let's try to be the positives in this world people already have so many negatives to deal with.
But those who have asked, yes I will continue with nursing even though I am now performing, I want to continue because it reminds me that I am still human and normal to an extent. I want to remain humble in this life and balanced.
So please be kind to one another and always give...it's the best thing we can do for one another as human beings.
xoxo
Much Love,
Nat
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Q & A for this week
Q: Are you right or left handed?
A: Left handed :)
Q: If you could travel to any place in time where would you go?
A: Renaissance time period...England. I just find that era so fascinating mean there was art, literature and science so much creative processes it's great. Plus think it would be neat to see all of the historical figures.
Q: What are your favorite subjects?
A: I loved history and English Lit while in school the most.
Q: Do you speak any other languages besides English?
A: Yes. I grew up speaking French and knowing Russian. I can speak Spanish and able to read Serbian/Ukrainian.
Q: What nationality are you?
A: My Dad was Ukrainian and my Mum was Native American [Choctaw Cherokee]
Q: Where is your family from?
A: on my Dad's side they were from Dnipropetrovsk [Ukraine] my cousins actually lived there until they were almost 10 yrs old, my older sisters were all born in Europe and still live there so safe to say most of my family is in Europe still in different places.
Q: Are you really scared to fly and claustrophobic?
A: Yes to both :(
Q: Favorite color?
A: I don't really have one. I do like to wear red and black a lot...and occasionally purple.
Q: Do you have any pets?
A: Yes! I have a hamster and a cat :-p
Q: Do you have a boyfriend?
A: I always get asked this!! There is someone I am totally into and if he asked me out on a date I would definitely go out with him and will leave it at that ;)
Q: Who is it?
A: Those who know me or around me enough sure can figure it out....
Q: Do you get hate or haters a lot?
A: You know I'm sure every performer does at some point and I try not to let it bother me...but yea I do for various reasons. I almost walked away recently from performing but thought no they would win so keep on going just inspires me even more to continue and to be even better.
Q: You get criticized a lot for being a burlesque dancer and not doing nudes, why?
A: It's hard to say. I mean I made that decision prior and it was a personal choice. I'd been modeling since I was 14 and never did nudes. I may be old fashioned but I just want my future boyfriend to only see the full show it's just me.
Q: Is it hard knowing your Godfather is an Eastern Orthodox priest and how conservative your family is and being a burlesque dancer?
A: Yea, it is. Although my Mum was a professional runway model and musician so I grew up in this world so to speak. But at the same time my parents kind of sheltered me a lot even though and think it was to keep us [my sisters and brother] balanced and not go from one extreme to the other.
Q: Do you have a facebook?
A: Yes, I have a personal facebook account which mostly for family, but do have a FB page where people can "like" it's brand spanking new LOL.I need to add more to it though, yea people have been asking I do have a main official twitter account and a personal one but I prefer to keep that one private.
Q: How do you feel about the Dita von Teese comparisons?
A: It can be a lot of pressure but I also feel like there can only be one Dita...just like I can only be Natalie. I do look up to her loads she is one of my idols and she's so classy and talented.
Q: What is your favorite song?
A: It has been this for a while now but Take You
Q: What is your favorite number to perform?
A: Yellow Raincoat. Because I can relate to that song the most I tend to be guarded which isn't intentional just don't really trust a lot of people so can very much relate to that.
billboards
I am posting this late on my blog site [but those on FB probably already know my thoughts on this subject] and of course me being me have loads of opinions on this and what happened the other night.
First off, no one deserves that. I mean no one, period. If you don't like someone or their music fine because as one thing I learned about performing is that not everyone will like your material; it's a fact of life and that is okay not everyone has to. But the thing that gets me is not showing respect. People could at least be respectful and it's sad when people aren't mature enough to at least show some regard especially when a person is receiving an award [and a much well deserved/well earned award]. But like said earlier, if you don't like his music fine but at least respect him as a fellow artist and importantly as a person...people fail to realise that he [and other artists] have feelings too like everyone else. We see what people post and say about us and we may not always say it publicly, but we know and feel; so people do need to keep this in mind.
I don't know of anyone who works so incredibly hard and puts so much into his shows as well so devoted to his fans as Justin; he has accomplished so much as an artist and performer and can honestly say that I am so proud to have been able to see him perform live. People are people...but people should appreciate everything he has given thus far to the music world he has such an amazing gift and I am thankful he is sharing it with us and as a performer it is difficult to put yourself out there creatively.
If anything I am so thankful that Justin has decided to share his gifts with us and cannot think of a person of whom I absolutely admire, love and adore. I am so proud of him and what he has accomplished and his Beliebers and yes as have always said also have the utmost love and respect for Beliebers as well...and will defend them and Justin to the moon and back.
First off, no one deserves that. I mean no one, period. If you don't like someone or their music fine because as one thing I learned about performing is that not everyone will like your material; it's a fact of life and that is okay not everyone has to. But the thing that gets me is not showing respect. People could at least be respectful and it's sad when people aren't mature enough to at least show some regard especially when a person is receiving an award [and a much well deserved/well earned award]. But like said earlier, if you don't like his music fine but at least respect him as a fellow artist and importantly as a person...people fail to realise that he [and other artists] have feelings too like everyone else. We see what people post and say about us and we may not always say it publicly, but we know and feel; so people do need to keep this in mind.
I don't know of anyone who works so incredibly hard and puts so much into his shows as well so devoted to his fans as Justin; he has accomplished so much as an artist and performer and can honestly say that I am so proud to have been able to see him perform live. People are people...but people should appreciate everything he has given thus far to the music world he has such an amazing gift and I am thankful he is sharing it with us and as a performer it is difficult to put yourself out there creatively.
If anything I am so thankful that Justin has decided to share his gifts with us and cannot think of a person of whom I absolutely admire, love and adore. I am so proud of him and what he has accomplished and his Beliebers and yes as have always said also have the utmost love and respect for Beliebers as well...and will defend them and Justin to the moon and back.
Monday, May 20, 2013
in a surreal state...
If someone told me that 10 months ago I would be with one of the best dance troupes in my city, get to travel all over, meet some of the coolest people and have some of the most amazing fans on the face of planet...I probably would not believe it. Yet, sure enough it did happen and almost over night it seems. I never would have imagined any of this. But, so thankful to everyone for all of their support, love and friendship it has truly been a blessing; of course there have been moments and figured there always will be as this all comes with the territory. If anything throughout this experience hope to give back and honestly hope to remain humbled and grateful...never want to lose that.
Also want to thank my close friends: Bettie Noir, Dany, Sabrena and Tabatha for giving me clarity and keeping me grounded [thanks for always keeping it real with me] Tabatha our talks always help me even though may not realise it and helping me deal with all this...thank you thank you. My Godfather who is also my priest...thank you for keeping me balanced and always there one of the wisest men I know and amazing second father to me. The Pagers...and a few especially for coming to all of the shows and being so supportive...love my fans more than anything you all keep me going and in this.
It's been an adventure these past 10 months...so will see how the next will go but if anything never stop dreaming or believing in your dreams...they can come true if want them bad enough...and have faith. Believing is key <3
much love,
Nat
Also want to thank my close friends: Bettie Noir, Dany, Sabrena and Tabatha for giving me clarity and keeping me grounded [thanks for always keeping it real with me] Tabatha our talks always help me even though may not realise it and helping me deal with all this...thank you thank you. My Godfather who is also my priest...thank you for keeping me balanced and always there one of the wisest men I know and amazing second father to me. The Pagers...and a few especially for coming to all of the shows and being so supportive...love my fans more than anything you all keep me going and in this.
It's been an adventure these past 10 months...so will see how the next will go but if anything never stop dreaming or believing in your dreams...they can come true if want them bad enough...and have faith. Believing is key <3
much love,
Nat
Friday, May 17, 2013
why Wonderland
People always ask my fascination with Alice in Wonderland but like many things it does have a meaning and reasoning behind it. My Papa [Dad] would always say I was like Alice...curious, strong willed, imaginative she had a way of thinking up things no one would dare to. But the story holds true in how we oftentimes lose ourselves into a world we don't know and the characters who provide outlets of society in each and every way...more than we can ever imagine.
Right now especially since going onto the other end of performing felt as if I've been in my own little Wonderland. Who would have ever thought that I would get to perform and learn regularly with one of my idols, get to travel and see so many wonderful things and people? So yes, to me it does feel like a Wonderland. There is almost a sense of madness that draws us to the arts at least I think so. I grew up with artist parents so in a sense it probably isn't surprising that eventually I would go down that path. It's where I belong in life and sometimes it takes us longer to realise it but when we do it is our fit. I finally found mine but with that madness it is why I love working as a nurse...it reminds me that I am still human and "normal" by society standards...it keeps me humbled and grounded about life and hope to never lose that.
I am so entirely thankful for the fans...the Pagers especially those who will literally come to every single show and will travel with me all over. It's amazing have no idea how much love you all and so appreciative of all the support...I am a very lucky girl. So never stop dreaming or believing in anything...always work hard...and eventually it will come to you.
So maybe I am a little mad...the madness keeps us sane at times.
Right now especially since going onto the other end of performing felt as if I've been in my own little Wonderland. Who would have ever thought that I would get to perform and learn regularly with one of my idols, get to travel and see so many wonderful things and people? So yes, to me it does feel like a Wonderland. There is almost a sense of madness that draws us to the arts at least I think so. I grew up with artist parents so in a sense it probably isn't surprising that eventually I would go down that path. It's where I belong in life and sometimes it takes us longer to realise it but when we do it is our fit. I finally found mine but with that madness it is why I love working as a nurse...it reminds me that I am still human and "normal" by society standards...it keeps me humbled and grounded about life and hope to never lose that.
I am so entirely thankful for the fans...the Pagers especially those who will literally come to every single show and will travel with me all over. It's amazing have no idea how much love you all and so appreciative of all the support...I am a very lucky girl. So never stop dreaming or believing in anything...always work hard...and eventually it will come to you.
So maybe I am a little mad...the madness keeps us sane at times.
Thursday, May 16, 2013
news unfiltered!
Hey Guys,
Well here are some updates about shows, appearances, humanitarian work etc. so keeping you all updated on what's what!
Shows:
summer is going to be exceptionally busy as far shows go! So far booked all the way until August excited to be working on new routines and concepts for you all, also will be making some appearances with other artists here and there so be on the lookout in the next coming weeks. I also signed on to perform during the weekly Monday shows so check the facebook page for exact dates. Next week start back in the studio as begin my every summer intensive dance training....so will definitely be bringing it over the next performances...stay tuned.
Appearances:
Catch me on the red carpet in a few weeks at the alt fashion show! Really excited to see and meet some amazing designers not sure what I am going to wear yet but still have a little bit of time to decide all that!! Also excited to go hopefully attend Dita von Teese's show I am happy because will get to see one of my idols...again!
Humanitarian work:
currently planning a fundraiser to benefit organ donors. My big brother was killed almost 6 months ago in a car accident and he had chosen to be an organ donor so me and the crew are working on something to help raise money and awareness for it. Also May is mental health awareness month so be on the lookout for info and appearances and in fact one of my newest routines is in dedication for my anti bullying campaign.
Travel Schedule:
YES...will be hitting the road soon [next month]
The Scarlet Walk Journals:
Once again I am so thankful for all of the amazing comments, shares, likes about the Scarlet Walk Journals. My cousin encouraged me to publish them and yes some are extremely personal for me at least [romeo + juliet and reckless] so just thank you all for being so well receiving and yes more is coming soon.
and that is all for now...Pagers keep dreaming love you all
much love,
Nat
Well here are some updates about shows, appearances, humanitarian work etc. so keeping you all updated on what's what!
Shows:
summer is going to be exceptionally busy as far shows go! So far booked all the way until August excited to be working on new routines and concepts for you all, also will be making some appearances with other artists here and there so be on the lookout in the next coming weeks. I also signed on to perform during the weekly Monday shows so check the facebook page for exact dates. Next week start back in the studio as begin my every summer intensive dance training....so will definitely be bringing it over the next performances...stay tuned.
Appearances:
Catch me on the red carpet in a few weeks at the alt fashion show! Really excited to see and meet some amazing designers not sure what I am going to wear yet but still have a little bit of time to decide all that!! Also excited to go hopefully attend Dita von Teese's show I am happy because will get to see one of my idols...again!
Humanitarian work:
currently planning a fundraiser to benefit organ donors. My big brother was killed almost 6 months ago in a car accident and he had chosen to be an organ donor so me and the crew are working on something to help raise money and awareness for it. Also May is mental health awareness month so be on the lookout for info and appearances and in fact one of my newest routines is in dedication for my anti bullying campaign.
Travel Schedule:
YES...will be hitting the road soon [next month]
The Scarlet Walk Journals:
Once again I am so thankful for all of the amazing comments, shares, likes about the Scarlet Walk Journals. My cousin encouraged me to publish them and yes some are extremely personal for me at least [romeo + juliet and reckless] so just thank you all for being so well receiving and yes more is coming soon.
and that is all for now...Pagers keep dreaming love you all
much love,
Nat
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Q & A [all your performance questions]
Q: Know this has been asked many times but how did you end up a burlesque dancer?
A: It's okay! Yea, people ask me that all the time, because it was by total accident and not planned at all. I mean, I have always been a dancer but mostly in ballet and modern dance so becoming a burlesque dancer was far from my mind at that point. But, I do have many friends who are also dancers and burlesque performers so I would go watch them perform and just fell in love with it. Probably when I went to see my friends perform it was the first I ever had seen a burlesque show live other than in films but just fell in love how each person has their own take on things. So, was convinced to give it a try and honestly very glad that I did, the experience has been amazing thus far.
Q: What kind of style of a burlesque dancer are you?
A: It's really difficult for me to say; I think honestly I am in between modern and classical. But at the same time I don't define myself into just one category either. There are days where I may feel more neo burlesque then other times more classical and even days when I just want to dance hip hop all depends on my mood and what concept I am trying to convey in my routines.
Q: How do you pick out songs/choreograph routines?
A: I don't have a set theme, generally when I pick out a song it typically is something that has happened in my life I like choosing songs in which are personal to me to because I have to let my guard down the audience and be real and show raw emotion...it's hard for me to open up to people so it gives me a challenge.
Q: What about revealing and no nudity?
A: I am not big on it for myself and it doesn't mean I think I am better than anyone else because that is far from it; it was just a personal decision I made not to be big on nudity. I have been modeling since I was 14 and don't do nudes and it's just a choice. Everyone is different and for me it isn't about not having confidence in myself or my body I just like the idea of having a boyfriend or getting married one day having him say, "I get to see it and you all don't" yea I'm not normal.
Q: What was it like telling your family?
A: I was actually nervous because my family is very conservative. My Godfather is also a priest so was really terrified but much to my surprise they trust my judgment and realise too it's also my life and I am an adult now, I think it is cool that they have that confidence in me.
Q: Do you have a boyfriend?
A: I get asked that a lot! To answer the question it is complicated I think. Yea, there is someone I have loads of feelings for but there is a lot going on in his life too so I am kind of in that well does he notice aspect, etc. In my heart I think so but like I said just so much going on right now. I don't like to publicly talk about my personal life so much, yet I am open and available if he wanted to pursue me...I'm here. If not, going to be honest yea it would hurt but at the same time people make choices I'm still gonna be there for him not saying it would be isn't because it wouldn't be and guess that is how relationships change as we get slightly older and mature some.
Q: Who is your celebrity crush?
A: The person mentioned in above question :) Yea, I do I care about him loads. I also feel whatever is meant to happen will so if it just so happened our paths crossed and everything I'm totally open to it and of course if he was too.
Q: Who are your best friends?
A: Sabrena, Bettie Noir, and Dany. I don't have loads of close friends because honestly it is hard for me to trust people. There are only a few that I can actually dial up and chat with on the phone I also have my second family who I love to pieces but other than that no don't have loads of friends actually.
Q: What is your favorite color?
A: I honestly don't have one! I do like to wear red and black a lot and sometimes purple.
Q: Favorite number?
A: 13 because it represents completeness [wholeness]
Q: How many tattoos do you have?
A: 9 I think? I started losing count haha. They all mean something to me though.
Q: What is your biggest pet peeve on social media?
A: Poser accounts. It's like just be yourself why pretend to be other people? I just don't get it.
Q: Do you have a personal twitter account?
A: I do, but that is mostly for people I would talk to in real life type of thing just want to keep that small.
Q: About the Scarlet Walk Journals? Favorite song/poem you've written?
A: Reckless and Romeo + Juliet because they are personal about something I've actually experienced and know/affects me.
A: It's okay! Yea, people ask me that all the time, because it was by total accident and not planned at all. I mean, I have always been a dancer but mostly in ballet and modern dance so becoming a burlesque dancer was far from my mind at that point. But, I do have many friends who are also dancers and burlesque performers so I would go watch them perform and just fell in love with it. Probably when I went to see my friends perform it was the first I ever had seen a burlesque show live other than in films but just fell in love how each person has their own take on things. So, was convinced to give it a try and honestly very glad that I did, the experience has been amazing thus far.
Q: What kind of style of a burlesque dancer are you?
A: It's really difficult for me to say; I think honestly I am in between modern and classical. But at the same time I don't define myself into just one category either. There are days where I may feel more neo burlesque then other times more classical and even days when I just want to dance hip hop all depends on my mood and what concept I am trying to convey in my routines.
Q: How do you pick out songs/choreograph routines?
A: I don't have a set theme, generally when I pick out a song it typically is something that has happened in my life I like choosing songs in which are personal to me to because I have to let my guard down the audience and be real and show raw emotion...it's hard for me to open up to people so it gives me a challenge.
Q: What about revealing and no nudity?
A: I am not big on it for myself and it doesn't mean I think I am better than anyone else because that is far from it; it was just a personal decision I made not to be big on nudity. I have been modeling since I was 14 and don't do nudes and it's just a choice. Everyone is different and for me it isn't about not having confidence in myself or my body I just like the idea of having a boyfriend or getting married one day having him say, "I get to see it and you all don't" yea I'm not normal.
Q: What was it like telling your family?
A: I was actually nervous because my family is very conservative. My Godfather is also a priest so was really terrified but much to my surprise they trust my judgment and realise too it's also my life and I am an adult now, I think it is cool that they have that confidence in me.
Q: Do you have a boyfriend?
A: I get asked that a lot! To answer the question it is complicated I think. Yea, there is someone I have loads of feelings for but there is a lot going on in his life too so I am kind of in that well does he notice aspect, etc. In my heart I think so but like I said just so much going on right now. I don't like to publicly talk about my personal life so much, yet I am open and available if he wanted to pursue me...I'm here. If not, going to be honest yea it would hurt but at the same time people make choices I'm still gonna be there for him not saying it would be isn't because it wouldn't be and guess that is how relationships change as we get slightly older and mature some.
Q: Who is your celebrity crush?
A: The person mentioned in above question :) Yea, I do I care about him loads. I also feel whatever is meant to happen will so if it just so happened our paths crossed and everything I'm totally open to it and of course if he was too.
Q: Who are your best friends?
A: Sabrena, Bettie Noir, and Dany. I don't have loads of close friends because honestly it is hard for me to trust people. There are only a few that I can actually dial up and chat with on the phone I also have my second family who I love to pieces but other than that no don't have loads of friends actually.
Q: What is your favorite color?
A: I honestly don't have one! I do like to wear red and black a lot and sometimes purple.
Q: Favorite number?
A: 13 because it represents completeness [wholeness]
Q: How many tattoos do you have?
A: 9 I think? I started losing count haha. They all mean something to me though.
Q: What is your biggest pet peeve on social media?
A: Poser accounts. It's like just be yourself why pretend to be other people? I just don't get it.
Q: Do you have a personal twitter account?
A: I do, but that is mostly for people I would talk to in real life type of thing just want to keep that small.
Q: About the Scarlet Walk Journals? Favorite song/poem you've written?
A: Reckless and Romeo + Juliet because they are personal about something I've actually experienced and know/affects me.
Sunday, May 12, 2013
romeo + juliet [finished version]
*people forget that romeo loved rosaline before he met juliet......
i want you to know
that it breaks my heart
when i see you cry
when i see you cry
and know there are bad days
when you feel alone
and might be broken
and the world may be
trying to get to you
and the world may be
trying to get to you
just open your eyes
cause i see you
and hope one day
you'll see me too
want you to know
that not everyone will break your
heart and know it's hard to trust
when your world's a stage
and you deserve so much more
than what you realise
and i understand she is your rosaline
but don't let her win and see you cry
just try to be strong and hold on
know one day
you'll find everything you're looking for
and if loving you means
waiting for the storm to pass
and if loving you means
waiting for the storm to pass
and should you choose to stay
i would support your choice
and you should know that
i'll always care and will be there
and i understand she is your rosaline
but don't let her win and see you cry
just be strong and hold on
but we forget that romeo loved
rosaline before he met juliet
so our story isn't set
but i understand she is your rosaline
don't let her win and see you cry
so just be strong and hold on
but we forget that romeo loved
rosaline before he met juliet
so our story isn't set
but i understand she is your rosaline
don't let her win and see you cry
so just be strong and hold on
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Q& A ultimate edition[ music, boys, fashion]
Q: What do you think about the response to Scarlet Walk Journals?
A: I'm happy everyone loves them and the feedback has been amazing. I have no intentions to record any of them but writing since I was 14 was my way of keeping a journal so I like to write in poem or song lyric form just because you can say so much without really saying it and that is the beauty of it. Hopefully someone can relate to something from it.
Q: Who do you write about and know/heard about a specific person?
A: Yea, I know alot of people have been asking. I honestly will write about what I see directly or indirectly. And that particular period of my life [Fall/Winter until now] I actually went through quite a bit and saw a lot so writing really helped me deal with it all.
Q: What all did you go through?
A: One there was the break up even though the circumstances it was difficult [in reference to professional bodybuilder I briefly dated] I mean that was the first person I tried to date after SGF so it was like oh hey take the band aid off let's try this again. Of course how that all played out so the songs [Spring-Summer] was my emotions in all that there is a little bit of anger in there [Nonchalance] but it happens that's life. I also lost my big brother in a car accident within the time frame those songs/poems were written so it was just really a lot all at once. I also dealt with ending a long term friendship which was really hard so yea last maybe 8 months or so have been kind of tough.
Q: Is there one boy you write about in particular?
A: Yes, there is. He inspires me a lot and would I be open romantically yes but you know it would be up to him though.
Q: What about the announcement?
A: Yes, I am pursuing performing and modeling full time once again. I am excited and it has been a while but glad able to get back into it and so thankful for the support it has been so so wonderful. I am hoping to make the Pagers proud of me as well my Mum and big brother
Q: Is anything in the Scarlet Walk Journals about your big brother?
A: Yes, december [gone] is about him. I still deal with it and always will. I mean he was just suddenly gone and think that song deals with what I was feeling at that moment. It was and is still very hard to experience.
Q: What about being a burlesque performer are you afraid people will judge you?
A: People judge me already. I always loved anything vintage and my background is in dance so yes I love it tons. It isn't always about stripping some girls do and some don't. I prefer not to just my preference but I love the art of it and I also love how it represents women and what we all view as beautiful and sexy because every woman has her own take as to what is beautiful and sexy. To me that is the most amazing aspect of it all.It defies society.
Q: What about dating?
A: It's hard! Especially being a performer and a huge part why it didn't work with GW. Our lives are just too different and him being the boyfriend of a performer and dealing with all of that I think freaked him out which is okay. It's not but have to deal with guys or girls etc but just take it as it comes which is why I think there has to be a serious level of trust especially being a performer. I wouldn't check up what my boyfriend is doing every five minutes if I have to do all of that what is the point? If I had to travel for shows I want a boyfriend I know I could trust to be there.
Q: Are you dating anyone?
A: hahaha, no not officially. I mean I do get asked out, etc but there is one person I feel I would have an amazing connection with but once again it's up to him.
Q: So you get asked out a lot?
A: It happens! But I haven't officially said yes to anyone yet so yea know if I do officially date someone a lot of Pagers may be upset. But no I wouldn't hide anything from anyone never have. I am the type of person to have a relationship and most wouldn't even know I like to keep that aspect of my life private.
Q: What about religion and performing?
A: Well I am an Eastern Orthodox Christian and spirituality is important to me. My Dad was Ukrainian so I grew up with much of that culture and it is still with me and always will be. Being open minded is difficult at times because of that but you know I've always been free so.
Q: What is your favorite song/poem from Scarlet Walk Journals?
A: Reckless. I wrote that maybe 4 months ago? Yea definitely my fav.
A: I'm happy everyone loves them and the feedback has been amazing. I have no intentions to record any of them but writing since I was 14 was my way of keeping a journal so I like to write in poem or song lyric form just because you can say so much without really saying it and that is the beauty of it. Hopefully someone can relate to something from it.
Q: Who do you write about and know/heard about a specific person?
A: Yea, I know alot of people have been asking. I honestly will write about what I see directly or indirectly. And that particular period of my life [Fall/Winter until now] I actually went through quite a bit and saw a lot so writing really helped me deal with it all.
Q: What all did you go through?
A: One there was the break up even though the circumstances it was difficult [in reference to professional bodybuilder I briefly dated] I mean that was the first person I tried to date after SGF so it was like oh hey take the band aid off let's try this again. Of course how that all played out so the songs [Spring-Summer] was my emotions in all that there is a little bit of anger in there [Nonchalance] but it happens that's life. I also lost my big brother in a car accident within the time frame those songs/poems were written so it was just really a lot all at once. I also dealt with ending a long term friendship which was really hard so yea last maybe 8 months or so have been kind of tough.
Q: Is there one boy you write about in particular?
A: Yes, there is. He inspires me a lot and would I be open romantically yes but you know it would be up to him though.
Q: What about the announcement?
A: Yes, I am pursuing performing and modeling full time once again. I am excited and it has been a while but glad able to get back into it and so thankful for the support it has been so so wonderful. I am hoping to make the Pagers proud of me as well my Mum and big brother
Q: Is anything in the Scarlet Walk Journals about your big brother?
A: Yes, december [gone] is about him. I still deal with it and always will. I mean he was just suddenly gone and think that song deals with what I was feeling at that moment. It was and is still very hard to experience.
Q: What about being a burlesque performer are you afraid people will judge you?
A: People judge me already. I always loved anything vintage and my background is in dance so yes I love it tons. It isn't always about stripping some girls do and some don't. I prefer not to just my preference but I love the art of it and I also love how it represents women and what we all view as beautiful and sexy because every woman has her own take as to what is beautiful and sexy. To me that is the most amazing aspect of it all.It defies society.
Q: What about dating?
A: It's hard! Especially being a performer and a huge part why it didn't work with GW. Our lives are just too different and him being the boyfriend of a performer and dealing with all of that I think freaked him out which is okay. It's not but have to deal with guys or girls etc but just take it as it comes which is why I think there has to be a serious level of trust especially being a performer. I wouldn't check up what my boyfriend is doing every five minutes if I have to do all of that what is the point? If I had to travel for shows I want a boyfriend I know I could trust to be there.
Q: Are you dating anyone?
A: hahaha, no not officially. I mean I do get asked out, etc but there is one person I feel I would have an amazing connection with but once again it's up to him.
Q: So you get asked out a lot?
A: It happens! But I haven't officially said yes to anyone yet so yea know if I do officially date someone a lot of Pagers may be upset. But no I wouldn't hide anything from anyone never have. I am the type of person to have a relationship and most wouldn't even know I like to keep that aspect of my life private.
Q: What about religion and performing?
A: Well I am an Eastern Orthodox Christian and spirituality is important to me. My Dad was Ukrainian so I grew up with much of that culture and it is still with me and always will be. Being open minded is difficult at times because of that but you know I've always been free so.
Q: What is your favorite song/poem from Scarlet Walk Journals?
A: Reckless. I wrote that maybe 4 months ago? Yea definitely my fav.
Friday, May 3, 2013
Q & A time
Q: What do you think about the haters?
A: What most people don't realise is that yea, I do get hate and I do put up with a lot, but for me it doesn't necessarily come via FB or twitter, etc it's typically in person or behind my back. When I was much younger and first started out modeling at 14 it would get to me a lot but now it doesn't bother me so much. I've just learned to block it all out mostly; I mean, I love who I love and what I love doing. Do I think people can be a little disrespectful? Yea at times but I will defend him to the moon and back who cares. To be honest, I've been told not to do specific routines because of the music but I am not making art really for others doing it to make myself happy and that is what counts.
Q: You've recently contemplated giving up performing I hear...by the way don't!
A: Thank you. Yea over these past few weeks I've seriously thought about it just because of the rumours and drama and drama isn't my thing. But I refuse to let people stop me from doing whatever it is I love, people should respect the fact we are all performers and what you may not like someone else may love and vice versa. But yea, had some rumours going around and these past couple of days just taking it in stride one day at a time.It comes a long with the territory.
Q: Do you think having so many family members who are performers and growing up in the business prepared you?
A: Most definitely. I think I wouldn't be able to deal with what's going on now if not. Regardless what we do people will talk so.
Q: What do you think about the rumours?
A: Well, most are definitely not true. I think it is very classless to spread rumours about someone's supposed medical condition. I think that is something private and we all have things about us we don't wish to discuss publicly. I also think it's childish like saying this person has cooties when really they don't. I support various causes because I am a hospice nurse so I advocate for many issues. When it comes to my personal life that is just it, my personal life. I think when a person becomes 18 and over he or she shouldn't have to explain or obligated to say what all is going on. It is what it is it's our business and my business no one else's really. It may sound a little harsh but kind of have to be that way.
Q: So you are not giving up performing?
A: No, because if I do those who doubt and the haters would've won. I am not punking out that easily. The pagers also keep me going the ones who send me messages or tweet me to say that I should keep going because it inspires them, that keeps me going.
Q: 10 months ago did you expect all this?
A: Not at all. It started out as something fun because I love to dance and now with the Dita Von Teese comparisons thrown in it does take it to another level.
Q: Who inspires you?
A: Dita von Teese, her story is remarkable. I watch her interviews and see so much of myself. When I thought about giving up [performing] I watched one of her interviews and she discussed how she over time became more confident as a performer and being different. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being unique. There is also someone special who inspires me...and honestly I would have given up performing too if it wasn't for him.
Q: What are the Scarlet Walk Journals?
A: It is a project my cousin inspired me to do. Since I was 14 I always kept a journal but I always wrote in poems/song lyrics it was my way of expressing myself but at the same time not making it so obvious.
Q: What is with the seasons?
A: Because life comes to us in seasons or we go through life that way. I started it last spring up until now so it is chronicling my life over the past 10 months or so.
Q: Fall/Winter about someone specific?
A: Yea, I mean I will be honest about who my writings are about. Are they about Justin yes, they are. I tend to write about what I see, experience not just myself but things or people who come across my life either directly or indirectly or however our paths cross. I am the type of person I can walk across the street see a flower and think of a poem about that experience.
Q: Your favorite poem/song you've written?
A: Reckless, Romeo + Juliet.
Q: Are you more like your Mom or Dad?
A: haha! I definitely have my Mum's compassionate side; she's very loving and caring/nurturing but I also have my Dad's I don't give a shit attitude, because he always did what was best for him and didn't care what others thought. So think I am a mix of the two not one more dominate over the other. Both of my parents were very creative and expressive; they always encouraged that in not just myself but my sisters and brother. So for us our childhood was going to plays, ballet, book readings etc and I hope to do the same with my children.
Q: Any special messages to the pagers?
A: Since today is Good Friday wishing you all a joyous Pascha! I also hope that Lent was very productive for you all, keep loving, smiling and most importantly never stop dreaming....or believing xoxo
A: What most people don't realise is that yea, I do get hate and I do put up with a lot, but for me it doesn't necessarily come via FB or twitter, etc it's typically in person or behind my back. When I was much younger and first started out modeling at 14 it would get to me a lot but now it doesn't bother me so much. I've just learned to block it all out mostly; I mean, I love who I love and what I love doing. Do I think people can be a little disrespectful? Yea at times but I will defend him to the moon and back who cares. To be honest, I've been told not to do specific routines because of the music but I am not making art really for others doing it to make myself happy and that is what counts.
Q: You've recently contemplated giving up performing I hear...by the way don't!
A: Thank you. Yea over these past few weeks I've seriously thought about it just because of the rumours and drama and drama isn't my thing. But I refuse to let people stop me from doing whatever it is I love, people should respect the fact we are all performers and what you may not like someone else may love and vice versa. But yea, had some rumours going around and these past couple of days just taking it in stride one day at a time.It comes a long with the territory.
Q: Do you think having so many family members who are performers and growing up in the business prepared you?
A: Most definitely. I think I wouldn't be able to deal with what's going on now if not. Regardless what we do people will talk so.
Q: What do you think about the rumours?
A: Well, most are definitely not true. I think it is very classless to spread rumours about someone's supposed medical condition. I think that is something private and we all have things about us we don't wish to discuss publicly. I also think it's childish like saying this person has cooties when really they don't. I support various causes because I am a hospice nurse so I advocate for many issues. When it comes to my personal life that is just it, my personal life. I think when a person becomes 18 and over he or she shouldn't have to explain or obligated to say what all is going on. It is what it is it's our business and my business no one else's really. It may sound a little harsh but kind of have to be that way.
Q: So you are not giving up performing?
A: No, because if I do those who doubt and the haters would've won. I am not punking out that easily. The pagers also keep me going the ones who send me messages or tweet me to say that I should keep going because it inspires them, that keeps me going.
Q: 10 months ago did you expect all this?
A: Not at all. It started out as something fun because I love to dance and now with the Dita Von Teese comparisons thrown in it does take it to another level.
Q: Who inspires you?
A: Dita von Teese, her story is remarkable. I watch her interviews and see so much of myself. When I thought about giving up [performing] I watched one of her interviews and she discussed how she over time became more confident as a performer and being different. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being unique. There is also someone special who inspires me...and honestly I would have given up performing too if it wasn't for him.
Q: What are the Scarlet Walk Journals?
A: It is a project my cousin inspired me to do. Since I was 14 I always kept a journal but I always wrote in poems/song lyrics it was my way of expressing myself but at the same time not making it so obvious.
Q: What is with the seasons?
A: Because life comes to us in seasons or we go through life that way. I started it last spring up until now so it is chronicling my life over the past 10 months or so.
Q: Fall/Winter about someone specific?
A: Yea, I mean I will be honest about who my writings are about. Are they about Justin yes, they are. I tend to write about what I see, experience not just myself but things or people who come across my life either directly or indirectly or however our paths cross. I am the type of person I can walk across the street see a flower and think of a poem about that experience.
Q: Your favorite poem/song you've written?
A: Reckless, Romeo + Juliet.
Q: Are you more like your Mom or Dad?
A: haha! I definitely have my Mum's compassionate side; she's very loving and caring/nurturing but I also have my Dad's I don't give a shit attitude, because he always did what was best for him and didn't care what others thought. So think I am a mix of the two not one more dominate over the other. Both of my parents were very creative and expressive; they always encouraged that in not just myself but my sisters and brother. So for us our childhood was going to plays, ballet, book readings etc and I hope to do the same with my children.
Q: Any special messages to the pagers?
A: Since today is Good Friday wishing you all a joyous Pascha! I also hope that Lent was very productive for you all, keep loving, smiling and most importantly never stop dreaming....or believing xoxo
Thursday, May 2, 2013
for a former best friend.
Well what do we have here
the lights are quickly changing
will I leave your heart alone with
all the phone lines you're erasing
what a spineless ending
well who would've guessed
that you turned out to be a coward
when I turned my back you
cut my throat it bled for hours
was that your power?
you, you're the lovely victim again
you, well your heart is breaking
you are the only one let down
are you really now?
well soon here now we'll have another one on her knees
and she will talk about them like the rest of them like me
and how easy it will be replacing me
and what's that I hear now you blaming it all on me
another she did you wrong and of course you had to leave
and your yes men will agree, that you gave it everything
you, you're the lovely victim again
you, well your heart is breaking
you are the only one let down
are you really now?
you with the advisors in your ear
you did everything right it's clear
I know I begged you to stay around
but I'm gone now
well here's to you my darling leave
you're stubborn and your free
and of course right
I don't respect the way you leave
you can be no friend to me
so I'll say goodbye
you, you're the lovely victim again
you, well your heart is breaking
you are the only one let down
are you really now?
....but I'm gone now....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)