hanging with the raisin girls

Most are unaware that in 2008 I became an advocate for anti bullying campaigns. Since then I've been giving lectures and attempting to educate people and the public about bullying and the affects it has on people. One of the most common and often ignored form of bullying is relational aggression; RA has been on the rise since I began my work more than ever and think it is because RA is more of an emotional form of bullying and it is more common amongst girls/women than anything. Boys [and men] tend to be more physical in their way of bullying others but women and girls tend to be more on the psychological/emotional aspect of bullying which is why RA is so much more common. The best way to describe it is the film Mean Girls, yes we're all familiar with that but it is also a perfect example of RA and how it works in a social group.
  I was bullied quite a bit in school mainly because I was thought of this "weird" artistic girl who was into dance, I had an accent so I sounded funny and remember kids used to make fun of how I sounded when I would talk in class...one reason and even to this day I am somewhat quiet around people unless feel completely comfortable...kind of a force of habit. I used to take bullying and people's rude comments personally when much younger but looking back and now that older it made me realise that oftentimes when people are insecure about themselves or lack confidence they have to put down another person they think is above them in some way or another. It is just a sense of power and making themselves look important, there is something about themselves they feel they are lacking and people will find the smallest and unimportant things to be jealous of towards another person it seems these days.
  The thing with RA, telling lies/spreading rumours, isolating the person from a group...these are all patterns of relational aggression and it is even more daunting when it happens as an adult. Sad thing is individuals who tend to be more independent are more subject to bullying and RA because they tend to be what we call "loners" so if a person is more apt to do things on his or her own....the more of a target because bullies feel if a person is alone no one would care which isn't the case.
  My advice is this: to girls [and women] never lower yourself to someone who bullies you. Obviously you have more than they do otherwise they wouldn't try so hard to tear you down as a person. Always have an outlet and people to be supportive and if it becomes physical please please let someone know. No one should have to go through feeling mistreated by anyone for any reason.
 So my message to Pagers, Beliebers and any other fanbases out there never ever feel you are less than anything. You're important, you're beautiful. Continue to be positive and do not allow anyone to take away your shine, ever.  Listening to Tori Amos helped me get through school and to deal/cope with being bullied one of my all time favourite songs is Cornflake Girl and the whole idea is that raisin girls are sweet ones the ones people love to pick one and there are so few of them in a bowl whereas the cornflakes are rough and break plenty of them. So keep being raisin girls and ladies don't let those cornflakes get to you remember they get soggy and wear down much faster.

much love,
Natalie