I only sleep with butterflies

Airplanes
Take you away again
Are you flying
Above where we live
Then I look up a glare in my eyes
Are you having regrets about last night
I'm not but I like rivers that rush in
So then I dove in
Is there trouble ahead
For you the acrobat
I won't push you unless you have a net

You say the word
You know I will find you
Or if you need some time
I don't mind
I don't hold on
To the tail of your kite
I'm not like the girls that you've known
But I believe I'm worth coming home to
Kiss away night
This girl only sleeps with butterflies
With butterflies
So go on and fly then boy

Balloons
Look good from on the ground
I fear with pins and needles around
We may fall then stumble
Upon a carousel
It could take us anywhere

I'm not like the girls that you've known
But I believe I'm worth coming home to
Kiss away night
This girl only sleeps with butterflies
With butterflies
With butterflies
So go on and fly boy

-Sleeps with Butterflies

Psalm 119:105 out of the woods

Take a deep breath

This world that surrounds you gets

 Deeper and darker 

The further you go

Hold my hand

I will lead you out of here

But you have to choose to if you turn around

Take my hand I will lead you out

Of this darkness you have found

Your past is on your heels now

You're not out of the woods yet

Out of the woods yet....

Take a few pills

They will numb your senses

So you won't have to feel at all

Drink some alcohol for the memories

Drink them away

Drink them away...

Take my hand I will lead you out

Of this darkness you have found

Your past is on your heels now

You're not out of the woods yet

The world only gets deeper 

Only gets darker

The further you go

Take my hand I will lead you out

Of this you have darkness you found

Your past is on your heels now

You're not out of the woods yet

There's a lamp at your feet

It will guide you when all of the

Other lights go out

Just follow my words

And I'll show you how

To get out of the woods now

-Out of the Woods

long lost questions

These were some of the questions that I didn't post earlier from the interview for a mini documentary [yep, they get kind of personal]

J.E.: Your sister recently made some comments about people criticizing you for being a stripper. How does that make you feel when someone calls you a stripper?
A: Honestly, I don't care what people call me. I've never really cared what people think of me except for a select few, but I've been comfortable enough with myself and at ease with myself enough to know who and what I am as a person. My sister did make some very true remarks though and she's right I don't do nudes that was my personal decision. Do I think some women make those comments to be insulting of course and actually I find it saddening how when a woman is confident enough in herself and sexuality we often resort to attempting to degrade her self worth. I honestly think a woman's sexuality is the one thing we are able to control in society it's more powerful than we all realise.

J.E.: What do you think is sexy?
A: I really think it is a matter of perception. I am more a logical sort of person so I love it when I meet a man who is able to get inside of my mind and make me think. I think intellect and a sense of humour is sexy and if I am attracted to man can guarantee he has something going on upstairs even if others may not realise it. But all women I think have their own view as to what makes them feel sexy or appealing and men have different views about what they find attractive. I like to view sexuality as wine some may like it sweet, or a little sour, stronger or softer it's all about taste, now what we view as "good" taste and "bad" taste is another debate.

J.E.: Do you think of yourself as sexy?
A: I do actually. I think to someone out there yes, and to myself yes I am. If one person who I am really into finds me sexy that is more than enough. I think a sense of humour is sexy and if you can make people laugh and feel great about themselves to me that is most attractive thing. I think being sexy is all about how you make that person feel.

J.E.: What are your thoughts about dating, relationships?
A: I am open to them most definitely. It is also hard because growing up in this industry it is very difficult to trust people some people will be your friend long enough to further themselves and the list can go on. Honestly, there is only person right now I would trust enough of the opposite sex, where I would feel completely comfortable around him and can just "get him" if that makes sense.

J.E.: Have you ever had a one night stand?
A: A lady doesn't kiss and tell. So yes or no not telling.

J.E.: Fair enough. Everyone does want to know if you're dating anyone now?
A: I plead the fifth on that one. It's just a very complicated situation right now because of circumstances which I prefer to keep private, but there is someone I care very deeply for yes and leaving it at that. I've just always been really private about my romantic life people may know there is someone but not all the details even though being a "public figure" we're still entitled to some privacy.

J.E.: Where would you go for a romantic getaway?
A: There are so many places I would love to go! It would just depend on my mood. I am a very random person and there have been days where I've been bored and just decided to book a trip someplace. It happens.

J.E: Favorite city to visit?
A: Toronto aka my second home. I also love L.A. There are so many different places that are so fascinating and so many different stories, I am a slight adventurous/adrenaline junkie not going to lie.

J.E.: Adrenaline junkie?
A: Yes. I actually bungee jumped once. It was such a rush.

J.E.: Now been hearing about this do you really skateboard?
A: I do! I love it just hoping to get better at roller skating.

J.E.: So what do you think about the Dita von Teese comparisons?
A: It adds pressure without a doubt. I honestly don't want to be the "next" version of anyone I just want to be the first version of myself. It is flattering when people say that or make those remarks and especially over this past summer when people tell me they see that potential. All I know is going to work hard every day and set small goals for myself. Not going into this with a big head because that is how most fall and I really do pray to remain humble every single day. I hope to never lose that. But Dita is amazing she is an icon for my generation at least.

J.E.: You also love fashion?
A: Yes, I adore fashion. My Mum was a professional runway model so I grew up around fashion; it was constantly around me. I always had a passion for fashion.

J.E.: Favorite designers?
A: Valentin Yudashkin, he is brilliant as is Yohji Yamamoto-love the raincoat series. There are so many amazing designers now it is so difficult to list them all, but yes I am definitely a fashion hound but I hate shopping I always find that ironic! 

for the comments about what is sexy

I've been fortunate enough to travel all over and meet so many wonderful and different people in this world since a very young age; and one of those things I have learned the vision of what each culture and society views as "beautiful" and "sexy" varies from subculture to wherever you may be. I do find it disheartening when other individuals criticize other females as not "sexy" or "beautiful" and may be entitled to your own opinions but what I feel is the beauty in this world and the world of burlesque is that every woman and performer I have met has her own vision of what beauty and sexy is. Now, people may not agree with that and that is perfectly all right, but what I think people need to understand especially with burlesque dancing is that there are so many different levels an artist can take this art form.
  Every performer has their own idea as to what is entertaining or being a performer should be; I've met performers who are more into what is called "Grotesque Burlesque", then there is "Neo Burlesque" and some who are more classical.  It's what makes burlesque so appealing to me as an art form and why I was always drawn to it. Now for me, being a burlesque performer is not always about nudity and I made the personal decision about no nudes that was my personal choice, yet still can perform, be sexy and entertain a crowd without doing those things. Burlesque I think is more about being confident because I think overall the general idea of being "sexy" is being at ease and comfortable enough with yourself to be who you are because if you believe in yourself everyone else will follow suit.
  Personally, for myself I find nothing is more sexy than wearing garters, stockings, corsets, to be that is what I envision as being "sexy" as well a woman who has class, and can be witty/charming/intellect along with a sense of humour. Again this varies and really I find no make up "sexy" really the only time I do wear make up is either at a photo shoot or if performing other times more than likely very little unless it is lip gloss.
  A sad thing I have noticed as we oftentimes confuse extreme raunchy as "sexy" and women...please keep it classy and then again that is my personal opinion while someone else may want that and nothing wrong it is a matter of taste which is the bottom line.
 So again, we as women and burlesque performers shouldn't put down other women because it isn't our "vision" and I feel being sexy should be along the lines of "What is Art"? by Leo Tolstoy....subject to opinion. But for those who are expecting to see me perform should know my numbers are not about nudity for me performing is all about creating a world people can escape to; to entertain people and how fortunate am I to be all these different characters that otherwise would not be able to?
 
much love,
Natalie

corset training [I'm not nuts]

Okay, when I announced earlier via twitter that I would begin corset training soon know it probably freaked out a lot of people [my family included] because of the natural imagery that comes along with corset training. For the record I am not beginning corset training to physically alter my body in any shape or form; for me it is more so becoming more comfortable in wearing a regular corset and especially when performing burlesque numbers. I want to be able to dance properly and safely while wearing a "normal" corset. Now, being a ballet dancer I am used to wearing a corset however it is not the same thing as wearing the typical corset in burlesque dancing. Also in ballet the choreography is more asymmetrical as far movement is concern; while with my burlesque numbers the choreography is quite not only grueling but physically demanding.
  People often wonder if I am trying to do or prove too much with my performances but this is just me and who I am as a performer and definitely want to be the best at it. One of the things I hope to accomplish is to become a better dancer with corsets and performer overall. So, I am nervous yet excited at the same time about corset training plus it will give me an opportunity to see how my body moves in different corsets and this also helps me when I choreograph routines as to how much or little movement to make. Also I think corsets are great for costuming and the appearance on stage..now ladies remember before attempting any corset training make certain it is done safely as there are medical ramifications from this [and I know personally from nursing] but it is a challenge for myself and to test myself as a performer/dancer.
 Like I mentioned I am not doing full hardcore corset training but enough so that my body adjusts to wearing and performing in them more often. During the fall/winter season hoping to bring some amazing new routines for everyone to enjoy and especially working on my Doll Series set to begin the holiday season.
wish me luck!!

much love,
Natalie

hanging with the raisin girls

Most are unaware that in 2008 I became an advocate for anti bullying campaigns. Since then I've been giving lectures and attempting to educate people and the public about bullying and the affects it has on people. One of the most common and often ignored form of bullying is relational aggression; RA has been on the rise since I began my work more than ever and think it is because RA is more of an emotional form of bullying and it is more common amongst girls/women than anything. Boys [and men] tend to be more physical in their way of bullying others but women and girls tend to be more on the psychological/emotional aspect of bullying which is why RA is so much more common. The best way to describe it is the film Mean Girls, yes we're all familiar with that but it is also a perfect example of RA and how it works in a social group.
  I was bullied quite a bit in school mainly because I was thought of this "weird" artistic girl who was into dance, I had an accent so I sounded funny and remember kids used to make fun of how I sounded when I would talk in class...one reason and even to this day I am somewhat quiet around people unless feel completely comfortable...kind of a force of habit. I used to take bullying and people's rude comments personally when much younger but looking back and now that older it made me realise that oftentimes when people are insecure about themselves or lack confidence they have to put down another person they think is above them in some way or another. It is just a sense of power and making themselves look important, there is something about themselves they feel they are lacking and people will find the smallest and unimportant things to be jealous of towards another person it seems these days.
  The thing with RA, telling lies/spreading rumours, isolating the person from a group...these are all patterns of relational aggression and it is even more daunting when it happens as an adult. Sad thing is individuals who tend to be more independent are more subject to bullying and RA because they tend to be what we call "loners" so if a person is more apt to do things on his or her own....the more of a target because bullies feel if a person is alone no one would care which isn't the case.
  My advice is this: to girls [and women] never lower yourself to someone who bullies you. Obviously you have more than they do otherwise they wouldn't try so hard to tear you down as a person. Always have an outlet and people to be supportive and if it becomes physical please please let someone know. No one should have to go through feeling mistreated by anyone for any reason.
 So my message to Pagers, Beliebers and any other fanbases out there never ever feel you are less than anything. You're important, you're beautiful. Continue to be positive and do not allow anyone to take away your shine, ever.  Listening to Tori Amos helped me get through school and to deal/cope with being bullied one of my all time favourite songs is Cornflake Girl and the whole idea is that raisin girls are sweet ones the ones people love to pick one and there are so few of them in a bowl whereas the cornflakes are rough and break plenty of them. So keep being raisin girls and ladies don't let those cornflakes get to you remember they get soggy and wear down much faster.

much love,
Natalie

applause

I really have no issues discussing my personal life. I am totally comfortable and okay with it; if I am into someone I have no issues saying that and to fully answer the question as to whether I am single or not is truly complicated and yes I am very much into someone. Sometimes as we get older relationships [especially romantic ones] aren’t as simple as black and white as we’d like them to be. There are other complications that oftentimes come with being an adult or in my case growing into adulthood. Yes, there is someone who does have my heart and beyond that would like to keep private just because of the many complexities that for now  keep private it is the only thing that makes sense at this moment. Also he is pretty much in the driver’s seat as far things go it’s totally up to him where this will go if anywhere. But yes, there is someone and thus far most have been completely respectful of my privacy and I am so grateful.I know what’s important to him and in no way want to come in between that so whatever happens or doesn't I am okay with it. But as far dating anyone else mentioned here don’t take it personally fellas but really not interested in anyone else, there comes a point where only certain things and people matter, that one person who has your heart and that is the only thing that matters in this world, and that is pretty much where I'm at right now in my life.

I'm pretty good at fixing things....

I am used to fixing things and maybe that is why aside from being a performer I was drawn into nursing maybe it says something about me who knows but always been good at fixing the broken somehow in some way or another....

i see you and you see me

yea I've finally stopped being stubborn but thank you I see you.

There are so many parts that I have hidden and denied and lost
There are so many ways that I have cut off my nose to spite my face

There are so many colors that I still try to hide while I paint
And there are so many tunes that I secretly sing as I wait

You come along and invite these parts out of hiding
This invitation is the one that I've stopped fighting....

Thank you for seeing me
I feel so less lonely
Thank you for getting me
I'm healed by your empathy
 this intimacy

There were so many times, I thought I'd die not being truly known
There've been so many moments: forever lonely in my vocation

You come along and celebrate each feeling
And there you are all honor and inquiring.......

Thank you for seeing me
I feel so less lonely
Thank you for getting me
I'm healed by your empathy
 this intimacy

There was a day where the trust that was being asked of me
Required too much you see
To accept your generosity
And to know myself enough to let you help me

Thank you for seeing me
I feel so less lonely
Thank you for getting me
I'm healed by your empathy
this intimacy
-empathy

don't tell me you're my heartbreaker...because I'm not....

Yes. Heartbreaker was officially released at midnight and I already had an idea of what was coming or what to expect from it and it was everything knew that was coming. I am just amazed as to how much Justin has grown as a person and as an artist; I am also amazed as to how talented he is and he deserves so much more respect and credit than anyone could possibly imagine. I don't always write about personal things publicly and only am open with a select few people [like my 4 bestest friends in the whole world and have known forever].
  And to be honest my heart truly goes out to Justin with everything he has been through and still going through this past year; he's been through quite a bit and all at once at a fairly young age. You know, listening to the song it actually made me proud because it is his own way of being open with his feelings and letting the public know what is going on inside his head and his heart; I think as an artist oftentimes our messages get lost in translation but if anything I feel with Justin's music is where he feels most comfortable expressing what it is he needs to say. He has always done this if a person were to truly sit down and open their heart and mind we'd hear everything that not only Justin but what most artists are trying to tell the world.
  For me, it is my dancing creating characters and choreography about what is going on in my life things that just telling people otherwise would not feel at ease doing. I think it is the same for Justin, he'll tell us and whomever he wants to know what he needs to or feels should know. It is just a matter of how open and receptive a person is willing to be about it.
  Basically, and again I don't normally write publicly about personal stuff and know I've said this earlier I am so incredibly proud of him; it was such a huge risk artistically and personally to put yourself out there to the world it leaves a person vulnerable as an artist know that feeling. I am proud of him for taking that risk people have so many ideas of what the song is about and I think it is about a combination of things as knowing Justin it isn't always simply black and white when it comes to him there is always a deeper meaning or more to the story and he is taking everyone on that journey to show us what is inside of his heart and mind then and now. I think Heartbreaker is the beginning  the story isn't finished....yet.....and that is all I am going to leave this with.
 Justin...I am so proud of you my Owl and honestly, there is not one person that I don't have the utmost respect and admire and just thank you.....

-Natalie

mini road trip playlist

People love to ask what am I currently listening to...well here are some songs that make it to my playlist:

I actually don't know why Havoc and Bright Lights hasn't been getting much play at least around here this album is amazing and I think Alanis has grown so much as a person and musician it truly shows.

Yes, I do listen to rap/Hip Hop and lately Versace has been on repeat

and lately I have Jerzee tha Icon on repeat his music is so positive and I fully support anyone who is trying to bring a positive message into this world:

the White Apple Deluxe has become one of my all time favourite albums, yes

can't be a road trip without one of my Big Brother's songs:

I am so addicted to this song no lie!!

                                 Of course this will always be on my playlist :) 

                                     Always have to have Katy Perry on any playlist 

Fumbling Towards Ecstasy always xoxo