so if you ask the answer is yes....[but you know this already]

Will You Be My Girlfriend?

[alanis morissette] 

I didn't know how to ask unawkwardly.
I didn't know how to approach it.
I haven't known how to do this informally
Not cut out for dropping masks

I guess I give, and you give back.
Is that right?
Guess I listen and you feedback
Is that right
I guess I call when I need help
Is that right?
Will You be my girlfriend?

I haven't worn my heart on sleeves and been rewarded
with an open heartedness
I haven't felt I had the right to be supported
with a golden tenderness

I guess I risk and you risk back
is that right?
I guess I share and you share back
Is that right?
Guess I uplift you when you crack
Is that right?
Will You be my girlfriend?

Can I lean on your shoulder? 
Will you join me in some pact?
Will you see me as your sister?
Can we love enough to offer that?

I guess I thought that you would laugh and be daunted
And think me clingy and too much
I thought this much too vulnerable, and you'd not cut 
me slack
And think me intolerable

I guess I fall and you stay intact
Is that right?
I guess you hear me and won't attack me
Is that right?
Guess I reach out and you reach back
Is that right?
Will you be my girlfriend?

Guess I divulge and you wink back
Is that right?
Guess you cry, I pat your back
Is that right?
I guess I text and you text back
Is that right?
Will you be my girlfriend?
Is that right?
Will you be my girlfriend?


....and to answer yes I would be <3

thoughts on fanbases [from my personal tumblr]

fanbases

so I was asked earlier which fanbase I actually belonged to. Well, I know I kind of answered this question but to fully answer it as to be honest, really don’t belong to one. I never really went through the whole “fangirl" experience growing up [except for Michael Jackson] but there were artists who inspired me and who also looked up to like Maria Tallchief [prima ballerina]; I think it was because I was so heavily into dance that there wasn't much fangirling going on. Not saying there is anything wrong with that notion because definitely isn’t.
 I do find it interesting that now when I perform I am slowly discovering that I have a “fanbase" of my own and in fact it was quite shocking; the fact that people actually follow and are into what it is I am doing performance wise and it is a really neat experience. But yea, guess could say I am myself am a pager, I love the people who come to our shows and are always showing us support as a dancer and performer it is harder than being a musician [I think] to have a strong fanbase. 
  So overall belonging to a fanbase I would probably consider myself a “teeser" [Dita von Teese] as she is most certainly one of my biggest inspirations for when I perform and is someone hope my career can come somewhat close to. I also adore Angelina Jolie and Tori Amos so guess could say I do in fact fangirl them. 
  Someone also asked if I was a belieber and for me that is kind of complicated; I think in some ways yes but think yes for various reasons and it is weird for me to answer. But yes, I absolutely adore him to the moon and back but I also see him as a human being and as someone who is like the rest of us;  so think that is why in many ways I find it almost hard to see him in that way [so to speak]. It doesn't make one way of thinking right or wrong or better even but to answer that I think possibly yes could possibly be one [belieber] but on a different level and for different reasons, if that even makes sense. I think it is also the same with my big brother and his band/music career when it affects you personally[directly or indirectly]  you see the whole experience differently. 

10 facts about me

since this was trending on twitter earlier here are some 10 facts about me [that most wouldn't know]

1.  I am left handed

2. My big brother was a lead guitarist in a rock band [that was signed]

3. My Dad was a novelist, my Mum was a professional runway/musician; I grew up in the industry.

4. My Dad was Serbian/Ukrainian and my Mum was Native American [Choctaw-Cherokee]

5. I don't dream in English

6. I grew up speaking  French and Russian but can speak Spanish as well read Ukrainian and Serbian

7.  Started dancing at the age of 6. I studied ballet but lately feel more like modern/hip hop dancing is my calling as a dancer

8. Most of my family lives in Europe

9. I'm not shy it just depends how well I know someone then will open up; I don't trust a lot of people. I actually feel more comfortable around musicians/artists than "normal" people because that is what I grew up around my whole life.

10. My crush is Justin Bieber 


totally honest 10 facts about me!!

Q & A on fashion

so since the sleep monster hasn't visited me yet going to answer some questions that came in about fashion xoxo.

Q: Who inspires your fashion sense?
A: I have so many to be honest. I am however more into vintage clothing style 1950s-1970s mostly. I think it was just so simple and straight forward and fashion for women seemed so much more glamorous and classy. I adore it. So for that everyday people inspire my fashion. I may see a pair of boots and then think "oh this shirt I have at home would look great" I'm one of those kind of girls .

Q:  Favorite places to shop?
A: I never have been big on shopping. Unless it's comic books, music, etc then yea I am so into shopping then but for clothes not unless I have a special event then I will go shopping. I like to make clothes to be honest more than anything. I love the designing aspect of fashion but not the shopping aspect.

Q: You once said your Mom used to say she thought you'd grow up to be a fashion designer?
A: It is true. She used to say that all the time because I would draw outfits for my stuffed animals and sew shirts for them etc. I was way more into that. I was not a typical little girl I hated playing with Barbie etc I was more into doing other things really.

Q: Best fashion accessories?
A: It would depend what look going for. For me always, always converse. Yes, I am a converse girl I came across a pair of specially designed converse that yes will be going in my collection more than likely.  But, maybe it is a Libra thing but I do have a thing for shoes. I think can tell so much about a person by the shoes because your shoes have been wherever that person has been. I think shoes are so underrated and if could talk have so many stories to tell.

Q: What makes a woman sexy?
A: Honestly, I think it depends upon the woman. I think every woman has her own idea about what she feels or thinks is sexy it's a different concept for everybody. For me, it is garters, stockings and heels don't know why there is just something sensual about it, it makes me feel like a whole different character. But overall, I am more into natural beauty. The only time I really wear make up is when I perform and that is the most anyone will see me wear make up typically. Other times it's my lip gloss and some mascara that works for me and confidence. I think confidence and being comfortable in your own skin is a very sexy thing.

Q: Who are your favorite designers?
A: Louis Vuitton, Chanel, but really I love smaller and independent clothing designers like Dolls Kill, Make Believe Monsters, Scandal Vision, Midnight Lady, etc.

Q: Worst fashion mistake?
A: I attended an event and my dress ripped and didn't know it the whole time. By that time it was like what can you do ya know? Another thing is learning to laugh at yourself, it can't be fashion unless you laugh at yourself.

Q: Your Mom was a professional runway model, think that is why you love fashion?
A: Of course. I mean, I grew up around fashion all my life my Mum obviously was always into fashion, etc and being around it developed a love for it as well.

Q: You really hate shopping?
A: I do but I am in love with fashion that is the irony always hated shopping. I think in that aspect so much like my Papa, but really my Mum loved shopping and I never did but yes do love fashion though I am more into anything that allows anyone to express themselves in a creative way.

Q: Who inspires your costuming being a burlesque performer?
A: I think my costuming I can have more to work with because I don't do nudes so can get away with much more in a fashion sense, but at the same time be more elaborate because of that and have to give the illusion but of course Dita von Teese is my major influence when it comes to fashion in that sense. I just love the vintage/glamorous approach which is something that I also enjoy and do with my routines. But it also depends on the  music and the routine and what I am trying to express via dance as well. 

Q: Favorite colors to wear?
A: purple, red, black mainly occasionally blue I think they are just beautiful colours to wear.

Q: Make up tips?
A: I think make up should always be natural.  I really don't like to see women [or girls] with loads of make up on I don't wear much make up unless I am doing a show and performing otherwise I don't wear much at all. My Mum always told me that make up should take 5 mins or less to put on so I hold to that rule! But yea, I love lip gloss and occasionally mascara.

Q & A all about dance and music

Q: How old were you when you began dancing?
A:  I was 6 years old. My Mum took me to see  Giselle and it was at that moment I knew I wanted to dance and truly ever since ballet and dance in general has been the love of my life.

Q: What was the hardest part of being a dancer?
A: Training. You have to be so disciplined especially if you're going to be serious about it; out of all the "hobbies" as a child dance was the one thing I was always committed to in my life. It was just that important.
I never dated when I was younger and it wasn't for lack of interest it was just dance was something I wanted so badly dating was almost seen as a "distraction" at the time.

Q: What about dating now and dancing?
A: Of course, now that I am older and there is someone I am into I have a whole different perspective on that now; my whole viewpoint changed it's to the point where I want to have children and start a family whereas before it was the last thing on my mind...truly!

Q: Do you want to give up from dance a start a family?
A: It wouldn't be giving up but I most certainly am the type of person where I want to be a hands on type of Mum. I want to actually be a part of my children's lives for sure and raise them. I want to have loads and also adopt. I have 3 older sisters and  1 older brother but I was the youngest and they were much older than me when I was born so it kind of felt like I was an only child growing up. I want my kids to have siblings close to their age they can be mischievous with haha!

Q: With dancing and life in general it is "happening" for you older why?
A: I am actually glad. Because I am not that old now but I think if all of this started happening in my early teens (15-16) I wouldn't be able to handle any of this. I am still very young but I also had alot happen to me at a very young age too. So, I had to act 45 when I was only 17 I learned alot about life and people in general and myself. I think I have way more patience now than when not too long ago believe it or not. So yea, I am glad older and it's amazing what you can learn in one year, two years even in life at least in my case.

Q: Dancing and choreographing which do you prefer?
A: I love both obviously, but I do love choreographing coming up with concepts but I also love expressing myself through dance. I know some people have music, painting, etc but for me it has always been dance. People see things and hear music whereas for me I may hear music and see choreography.

Q: Who were/are you dancing influences?
A: James Kudelka, Nick DeMoura, Pina Bausch, just to name a few I think they are all amazing choreographers and dancers especially Pina Bausch. Maria Tallchief also influenced me a great deal especially she was Native American and I am half Native American, and also cannot forget Michael Jackson!! so definitely as a child had those influences! 

Q:  If you could have a dance off with any dancer who would it be?
A: Honestly, I think a toss between Michael Jackson and Brian Puspos!! I saw Brian's choreography and I literally fangirled, yes I fan girl over choreography I know I'm weird haha.

Q: Burlesque dancing and regular dancing?
A: I love being a burlesque dancer but given I don't do nudity it definitely makes choreography a challenge!! So I am oftentimes thinking okay how can I pull this off keep the audience interested and still pull off an extraordinary number so yea choreography can be a super hard challenge!!

Q: Favorite numbers?
A: The Enemy and Dark in My Imagination because they are more what is going on in my life. The Enemy is far more dramatic choreography wise and more intricate so there are more foot work, etc required in that number. But I love dancing to Love Me Like You Do. It's a great song and I choreographed it with one of my Burlesque mentors who is such a fabulous performers and the choreography just builds on itself. I think when it comes to choreography it is the more you build on a concept and as long keep the audience intrigued you can pull off just about anything.

Q: Staying in shape?
A: Yes, people ask what do I do? I don't lift weights so much although I have started recently because I am doing more modern/burlesque dancing. When I was doing strictly ballet that was enough to keep me in shape, now especially since I started back dancing more hardcore I combine yoga/pilates, I also do some core conditioning, plus ballet techniques, etc. It sounds like a lot but really isn't.

Q: What would you say to little girls who want to be dancers?
A: Don't give up. Believe. Work hard.Always have a positive support system around you. Dancing is like most performance arts not everyone can make it per se, and I am so glad my Mum made me promise to go to school to earn a degree in something, I ended up choosing nursing but still because anything can happen in life so I feel fortunate to have that to fall back on. But always know believing is key, never give up dreaming...I never did!!

the enemy

This has become one of my most personal numbers to perform and it sums up everything in my life thus far; it is sad when people are unable to be happy for you and cannot accept the fact that I am growing as a person. I am no longer a little girl it all happens eventually for us all at one in another. Yet, some people I have known for quite some time have issues with the fact that I am now performing, making my own decisions becoming an adult and doing more adult things. I feel sorry for those people and learning that in life there are no easy answers to problems, this is life and in pleasure there is pain....this is life.

We've become strangers
Walking a strange line 

In time

Out of step

Out of line

It happened in stages

I was changing

I was changing without you

And I'm Falling away

I'm falling away now

And I'm sorry darling

But I've broken it down

And I need to see this through

And how did I become the enemy?

Thought this was everything you wanted from me

Have I become what you feared

Should I disappear this time

How did I become the enemy?

'Cause I was your angel

Talking a good game

The same one you taught me to play

You kept me in cages

With gilded spaces

Too small for me to stay

Now I'm falling away

Falling away now

And I'm sorry darling

But I've broken it down

And I need to see this through

So how did I become the enemy?

Thought this was everything you wanted from me

Have I become what you feared

Should I disappear this time

How did I become the enemy?

How did I break you down

I let you in and you fucked me around

I tried my best you should know

You should have let me go

So how did I become the enemy?

Thought this was everything you wanted from me

And how did I become the enemy?

Thought this was everything you wanted from me

Have I become what you feared

Should I disappear this time

This time

This time

How did I become the enemy?

This time

This time

How Did I become the enemy? 

write hope

About 4 years ago and on a whim, this started a project which correlated with my work as an advocate for women health issues. What I hadn't expected was the response it would receive and how much support would come of this and to this day I am so amazed at how many people can stand together and show love for women dealing with life issues.
  The whole point is show that there is still "hope" for women who are dealing with depression, ovarian cancer, cutting, mental health issues, eating disorders and to show that there is still love out there and support. If we stand together enough we can make a difference in this world.
  People say I have changed as a person and this is true...I just grew up but at the same time I haven't changed in my continuous humanitarian work that will always remain constant. So once again this year...on my birthday September 26 we will be celebrating by showing support and love no one should ever feel alone in this world and it is something I hope to accomplish because no one should feel that way.

So keep that date and look for the facebook announcement/event invites plan to do it big this year.

much love

Natalie

Q & A

Hey loves, taking a break from being in the dance studio to do some Q & As haven't done it in a while and miss answering questions from you guys so keep them coming!!!

Q: Do you have a facebook fan page?
A: Yes!! facebook.com/nataliepageofskp <3

Q: What are the two new routines about?
A: I have a fascination with Alice in Wonderland and a Clockwork Orange so I am incorporating the two into my new routines. Music is by one of my favourite bands of verona and definitely some twists in there!! I am so excited to perform these tomorrow night

Q: What about nursing and performing?
A: Yes, it was one of the "tough decisions" I had to think about and I love nursing don't get me wrong but performing is my passion too and I can only do that for a certain amount of time so I am going for it and pursuing my dreams <3

Q: What do you think of all the current fanbase drama and when people say your fanbase is drama free?
A: Well, no fanbase is 100% "drama free" I deal with it we deal with it like all others do, but I think it is how it's handled though. Also have to consider most burlesque fanbases are different too, we're not pop musicians, etc for the most part. But yea, pagers had their own especially when I made the decision about no nudity etc but take it as it comes. Also, pagers tend to be an older fanbase and not saying that in a negative way but think when you're alittle bit older see things and understand things differently. I am not that much older but definitely when I was 13-16 is quite different than now which really isn't not that too much far off. We just grow and yes I do have some pagers under 18 and I am totally cool with that. Burlesque is a wonderful art form and I want to bring that classy, elegant style back to it and pin up vintage culture. It's amazing we shouldn't forget it. I just try to be the best role model as I can some people love drama yes of course because negatively or positively you're being talked about and that brings press and attention. I just want as much positive as possible.

Q: Why are you so private?
A: I am not really private but it is more so I feel there are appropriate times to discuss certain things. I am not going to talk about my personal life on blast all over twitter etc I mean there are some things people don't need to know. Being too open can be a down fall too, you know? But with my fans-pagers I am as honest and open as possible I don't hide anything from them and don't intend to.

Q: Weirdest moment on stage?
A: I fell while performing! I was sooo incredibly embarrassed! I just kept going though haha. Not long ago had an audience member grab my hand and well he squeezed it super hard thought he was going to break my fingers! So yea some interesting and scary moments.

Q: Is it true you're going to start meet and greets before shows?
A: Yes! I want people to get to know me as a performer and as a person so yes, just before shows I am going to start meet and greets see how it goes.

Q: How many twitter accounts do you have?
A: TWO and those are the only ones. I have my main twitter account and then there is my personal/private account. The private one I communicate with my best friends and someone special that's it for the most part.

Q: Hearing rumors you're dating?
A: Rumors are rumors. But, there is someone I absolutely adore and enjoy talking to this person a great deal. I don't necessarily consider myself single but not officially dating anyone either if that makes sense. It sounds confusing but it's just always traveling, etc it's hard to really just stop and develop a relationship on a romantic level but I think eventually we'll go down that road just timing.

Q: What kind of boys do you like?
A: Smart, big hearted, definitely sense of humour and love music for sure.

Q: Food?
A: Yea, I love food haha

Q: Lipstick or lip gloss?
A: Lip gloss definitely!!

Q: What makes you feel sexy?
A: I think it depends on the woman but for me what makes me feel sexy, garters, stockings, heels yea have to admit that makes me feel sensual on a whole other level!

Q: What is is like being young and a burlesque performer and growing up conservative and your beliefs?
A: WOW! being young I think it gives me a different perspective on burlesque dancing I think differently than most people to begin with so my creative process is so out there compared to most people.  Being conservative not so much because my family is open minded and I also knew nudity is a part of it for some...but it also is not for me. Burlesque is more about the elegance and being classy. I think you can still tease while performing and be incredibly sexy but have class with it too. My beliefs yea it was hard especially since my Godfather is an Orthodox priest but he actually trusts my judgments and decisions and knows I have common sense, I think that is amazing.

Q: What was it like having a runway model/musician Mom?
A: it definitely gave me an unique perspective on growing up and I also grew up faster than most people too my age. I was able to travel a lot and see things but I also learned so much about this industry and quite frankly I don't think I fit in anywhere else besides with musicians/performers.

Q: What are the Scarlet Walk Journals again?
A: After my big brother was killed in a car accident I started "journaling" all of my emotions and since I was 14 I journaled but did it in poem/song form. So it is me going back to that part of my life and expressing everything in these past 7-10 months of my life. Scarlet Walk I got the name because the album Scarlet's Walk by Tori Amos it reminded me of the road trip with my big brother's band from like Toronto all the way to Las  Vegas but it was that performance they got signed and all of our lives changed then.

Q: Do you have a boyfriend?
A: Hahaha just answered this!!! Think pagers want to keep me single for a while :p but at the same time know they will support whomever I love and they already do sure there are a few here and there but they're incredibly supportive and so thankful <3

it all affects me too but me more so indirectly....

life in general can be hard and the things we experience when we are younger are quite different than when we are slightly older. I know looking back on relationships my view is quite different actually way more different than even three years ago. Sometimes we are not meant to understand things or there are things we don't understand and maybe I feel as I do because I am a little bit older [but I did grow up faster than most people my age, kind of had to]. I am not here to bash anyone or point fingers, blame but I do know how I feel because believe it or not...it does affect me I feel indirectly. Sometimes when we care deeply about a person and love them all we can do is just be there for him and have faith and trust that everything will work out...one of the things I learned growing up.

 where the river cross, crosses the lake

 where the words jump off my pen

and into your pages

do you think just like that

you can divide this

you as yours me as mine

to before we were us?

if the rain has to separate 

from itself does it say

pick out your cloud?

if there is a horizontal line

[i'm gonna stay right here]

that runs from the map 

[i'm gonna stay with this]

off your body

straight through the land

[i'm staying with you]

shooting up

right through my heart

will this horizontal line

[i'm gonna stay right here]

when asked how to find

where you end, and where

i begin? just pick out your cloud

how light can play

and form a ring of rain

that can change bows into arrows

[i found a thrill]

who we were isn't lost

to before we were us

indigo is his own blue

i always knew this

if the rain has to separate

from itself does it say

pick out your cloud?

your cloud

my little taxi ride

I love this song right now because it sums up everything that is happening; I've always been drawn to music that speaks to me on some level and it is no longer being afraid about life, letting go and allowing myself to fall.

lily is dancing 
on the table 
we've all been 
pushed 
too far 
i guess on days 
like this 
you know who your 
friends are 
just another dead fad 
to you that's all 
just another light missing 
on a long taxi ride 
taxi ride 

and i'm down to 
your last cigarette and 
this "we are one" crap 
as you're invading 
this thing you call 
love - she smiles 
way too much but 
i'm glad you're 
on my side, sure 
i'm glad you're on 
my side still 

you think you deserve 
a trust fund 
just because you 
want one 
sure you talk the talk 
when you need to 
i fear 
the whole world is 
starting to 
believe you 
just another dead fad 
to you that's all 
just another light missing 
in a long taxi line 
taxi line 

and i"m down to 
your last cigarette and 
this "we are one" crap 
as you're invading 
this thing you call 
love - she smiles 
way too much but 
i'm glad you're 
on my side, sure 
i'm glad you're on 
my side still 

lily is dancing 
on the 
table 
we've all been pushed 
too far today 
even a glamorous 
bitch can be in 
need 
this is where you know 
the honey 
from the 
killer bees 
i'm glad you're on 
my side 
sure 
i'm glad you're on 
my side 
sure 
i'm glad you're on 
my side still 

got a long taxi ride 
got a long taxi ride
-taxi ride