2013 playlist for the year

Here are the songs that made 2013 very memorable in many ways :)

January

Waiting Game- Banks
Bouncing Off Clouds- Tori Amos
Brightly Wound- Eisley

February

Shadowboxer- Fiona Apple
Empire State of Mind- Jay Z/ Alicia Keys
Fashion Killa- A$AP Rocky

March

Why Can't I?- Liz  Phair
Breathe Me- Sia
Firework- Katy Perry

April

Fallen- Sarah McLachlan
Water Me- FKA Twigs
Psychobabble- Frou Frou

May

Rack City- Tyga
Hollywood-Madonna
Gone-Lisa Marie Presley

June

Summer Fling- Willow Smith
4AM- Kaskade
A Case of You-Joni Mitchell

July

I Don't Care- Lil Twist/ Chris Brown
Lose Yourself-Eminem
Breathe- Of Verona

August

Super Bass- Nicki Minaj
Spiders-Lovedrug
No One Really Wins- Copeland

September

Echo Park- Ryan Cabrera
Bittersweet- Ellie Goulding
Romeo + Juliet


October

Don't Make Me Come to Vegas- Tori Amos
Unwinding Cable Car- anberlin
All Around Me- Flyleaf

November

Out of the Woods- Heather Evans
These Boots are Made for Walking- Nancy Sinatra
Me and Bobby McGee- Janis Joplin

December

Empathy- Alanis Morissette
Undone-Mayday
To Tell You

everything isn't all bad...

It's another, if it ain't one thing
Instigators, like puttin' fire on propane
The wrong thing, they be worried 'bout
 you know females
And how they like to run their mouths

Wanna be,  just like, talk like, you
Like you 
Misery, misery, loves company
Don't let 'em change your mood 


They try to get at me 
Behind your back 
Try'na tell me that I'm just like the others
But I ain't all bad

No, no, I ain't all bad
All bad, all bad
I ain't all bad
All bad, all bad

I might make you mad, so mad
My bad, no, no, I ain't all bad

Between us, they wanna come in
Your worst enemy sometimes be your best friend
Perfect, ain't sayin' that I am
Proven, least I'm provin' that I give a damn

Wanna be, wanna be everything I outta be to you 
Envy, envy, same thing as jealousy
Jealous of you
That's what they do


They try to get at me 
Behind your back 
Try'na tell me that I'm just like the others
But I ain't all bad

No, no, I ain't all bad
All bad, all bad
I ain't all bad
All bad, all bad

I might make you mad, so mad
My bad, no, no, I ain't all bad

my autobiography in song

She's addicted to nicotine patches
She's afraid of the light in the dark
6:58 are you sure where my spark is
Here

She's convinced she could hold back a glacier
But she couldn't keep her Mother alive
Doubting if there's a woman in there somewhere
Here

You say you don't want it again
And again but you don't really mean it
You say you don't want it
This circus we're in
But you don't you don't really mean it
You don't really mean it
if the Divine master plan is perfection
Maybe next I'll give Judas a try
Trusting my soul to the ice cream assassin
Here

You say you don't want it again
And again but you don't really mean it
You say you don't want it
This circus we're in
But you don't you don't really mean it
You don't really mean it
How may fates turn around in the overtime
Ballerinas that have fins that you'll never find
You thought that you were the bomb yeah
Well so did I
Say you don't want it
Say you don't want it again
And again but you don't really mean it
Say you don't want it
This circus we're in
But you don't you don't really mean it
You don't really mean it

She's addicted to nicotine patches
She's afraid of the light in the dark
6:58 are you sure where my spark is
Here
-Spark

I honestly can't see myself doing anything else except for giving

It would surprise most people that I also work in the nursing field and actually it is surprising even to myself. But, before my Mum died she made me promise I would return to school before pursuing anything in the arts; she always said it was a good idea especially for me because music in many ways can still write, produce etc but with dancing we're somewhat limited to an extent. I also think she wanted me to learn from her own life because after music for my Mum it was always what is next out of life? I don't think she regretted anything in her life but there were moments often wondered if she did at some point; my Mum did attend college but she studies arts, music etc nothing else that as in the "real world" would suffice to make a "living". In the end we were okay, and material possessions weren't always the main thing at least not for us and life was all right that way.
  Even though my brother had an amazing career as a professional musician...believe it or not he still maintained his "regular" job as a systems analyst. In other ways as well, I think it helped keep us all humble and I know and realise now that with nursing it has done that and in many ways I feel I need this to help keep me grounded and in the irony sane.
  I came to the "calling" for nursing due to the fact I love helping people in general; making them smile and giving them comfort has been the greatest joy for me bottom line...I am happiest when I am giving in some sort of way, and it helps me feel as I am making a difference in this world even though it is small but to one person it is more than enough.
   Through nursing I have met some of the most bravest and strong individuals and they all have touched me in some way or another and will never forget them. They always say you must be the change you hope to see in the world and hope to contribute to that in some way or another.
  Giving is the greatest of joys on this Earth and it is making life better for another person. I think as a society we become so wrapped up in social media, ourselves, problems that we forget to look at the world around us and see that there are people who are truly suffering, who don't have the very things we take for granted every single day. And it is the one reason I don't think I could ever fully give up nursing no matter how far dancing and performing may take me in this life.
 So always try to be good and kind to one another, life is too precious to be negative try to spread as much  positivity as possible. This world needs it so much. Always giveback.

much love

Natalie

she's confident

I think confidence is being comfortable enough with yourself to not worry about what others think of you and it’s also how you make others feel about themselves. A confident person is comfortable enough with herself where she doesn’t have to put others down or make fun of them because she knows who she is as a person and secure in herself . We oftentimes think it's solely based on looks but confidence is really more of a personality and how positive you are towards other people.  So you can be the most beautiful person in the world but if not confidence in yourself or very insecure the looks don't mean much. I think us as individuals we all have a different mindset as to what we think is confident/sexy and for me it's just being comfortable, sense of humour and intelligence. To me, I think there is nothing sexier than a person with confidence and secure in him/herself.

-from my personal tumblr on Confident

2014 and beyond

Well it is almost the close to yet another wonderful year and this is probably the first time in a very long time I am excited to embark upon a new year with so many possibilities and opportunities. This past year I have been so fortunate to be on an amazing journey meeting so many people who are positive, hard working and inspire me beyond what I never thought would achieve. This was also the year for me to take risks professionally and personally and plan to even go further. I learned that it's okay to fly, heights don't scare me as much as they used to in the past but what is to come in 2014 is continue to keep growing as a person and as an artist. Being on stage and knowing that even if it is just one person and making them smile is probably one of the greatest feelings ever and recently seeing people dance along with you while performing truly makes my night complete. And there are moments when I feel like giving up and walking away from it all but it is always the messages I receive from those who tell me not to and that is what makes it all worth it. I hope to be a role model for Eastern European girls for Native American girls to let them know that dreams can and do come true. One goal I have for 2014 is truly hope to expand within the Eastern European community even more so we need to support one another and the same within the Native American community. I am so blessed to be part of both worlds and couldn't ask for anything better. So yes, girls and guys never stop believing in your dreams, see you all in 2014.
#Believe

much love
Natalie

explaining romeo + juliet

People have always asked what romeo + juliet is about and basically it is about a girl who is completely into a guy and she knows he isn’t perfect because no one is, but regardless she’d be with him. It’s knowing that the guy has a past and she’s saying ‘hey, you’ve been through all this stuff before me, but I’m being patient, being that calm in the storm, like a peaceful existence for him’. I actually wrote it some time ago too after seeing some things about what happened to a really great guy and it just reminded me of Romeo and Juliet.  Most also don’t realise that Romeo loved Rosaline before he met Juliet and who the song is about only my super close friends know who he is. I would say majority of people don't know who I like romantically, because I tend to be very private in that nature. They’re the only ones where I can write something and they’d know exactly who/what I’m referring to. People may not realise it, but I'm actually a very passionate and romantic type of person yet very few people get to see that side of me and I kind of like that about myself. But in general, I think there is no better way to tell someone how you feel than to write a song for them.

-explaining romeo + juliet from my personal tumblr

Bettie Page Reveals All

Like most I am completely excited about the premiere of "Bettie Page Reveals All" this Thursday on December 5, Bettie along with Dita Von Teese, Twiggy and Marilyn Monroe have always been some of my biggest inspirations. These women are always fearless, not afraid to take risks and are so talented, creative and quirky. I admire them because they are not afraid to be different nor allow society to make them be people who they weren't comfortable with becoming.
 I hope to be like this, to be free and not allow society restrict them in any way. I am free and always will be. But overall, so excited to hear Bettie's story and learn so much more about her life and this amazing talent and I am so grateful for these women to pave way so that girls like us can live out our dreams.

much love,
Natalie

cosmo quiz 2.0 edition

Name: Natalie Page

Nickname [s]: Miss Pager, Tonechka, Alice

My Style Icon is: Dita von Teese, Bettie Page, Twiggy, everyday people

When I'm on a hiatus from my crazy work schedule, I like to: take random trips with my close friends, stay at home in my onesies and veg out.

My new routines will be a reflection of: how much I've grown/matured as a person and as an artist. 2014 is going to be all about risks

I feel sexiest in: garters, stockings, heels, corsets and can also feel sexiest in sweat pants it's all about how you carry yourself and how comfortable you feel

My favourite part of my body is: my brain, smile and eyes

If I could be in a music video I would love to be in: PYD

The one thing I learned about my "celebrity" crush: he's the most realest, talented, and brilliant person I've ever seen

If I could perform with any performer it would be: Pina Bausch if possible. She's an amazing choreographer and dancer but sadly taken from us too soon.

I'm not as *shy* as I appear to be. The more I trust you the more outgoing I am.

The relationship advice I ever got was: the sexiest thing is trust

I can't leave home without: music and lip gloss

The beauty product I can't leave without is: moisturizer it's the best thing possible for skin...trust me ;)

so much to be thankful for [even when we don't realise it]

Today in America millions celebrated Thanksgiving and even though I already celebrated it by Canada schedule, still honouring the holiday here in the US. There are times when even myself will complain because we have to work, or do something we really quite don't want to do; but, today and especially after having an amazing talk with Godfather it is all about perspective and how we view things. A lot of times I can occasionally see the negative in things [I am human after all]  but a lot of the times if we start changing how we see a situation it can completely change our perspective on it.
  Everything in life isn't perfect. We may not always get the position we want, or role, award, or booked the show we've wanted but there is typically a reason for it and we have to trust that things will work out for the right reasons. Also what we think we're "losing" out on may be the perfect opportunity to pursue something even greater.
  Never give up on something, always have faith and always believe. Each and every day is something new to be thankful for even if it is small because there are many who are without the smallest things we take for granted everyday.
   I am thankful for everyone I have been so blessed to know and meet throughout this, my family and just being here in this life, right now. I learned firsthand how quickly it can all change live each day to the fullest, live. laugh. and love. <3

much love and Happy Thanksgiving

Natalie

infinite list of thank yous

Tonight I was able to perform along with others for ECC's CD release show and honestly a simple FB posting, tumblr entry or a tweet just doesn't hold enough for all that I am grateful for at this moment. First and foremost thank you to ECC for allowing us to perform with you all tonight and once again congratulations on your newly released CD...it sounds fantastic and as mentioned it is an honour to be able to share creative moments with amazing and talented individuals.
 I also would like to thank my team who has been so incredible throughout this journey and for helping me in this creative "process" of finding myself as a performer and as a dancer/entertainer. It has not been an easy one but for everyone who has been there from day one showing support it means so much than anyone could possibly realise.
  The team of stylists, choreographers and performers been able to work with you guys are all so amazing and I am truly a lucky girl. My family: cousins who have been helping with promoting and working so hard you both have no idea how much you mean to me. The Kiegels and Carol, Shannon and Meg for being my second family I love you all dearly and friendship throughout the years words cannot describe.
My best friends Sabrena, Nish, Jess D, Jenn and Bettie Noir you girls are so incredible, talented and the bestest friends anyone could ever hope for and sincerely mean that. My parents and big brother...I know we didn't get as much time here on Earth as had hoped but you are all with me every single day and Mum you were so so right..."believe"....there is one person who I would also like to thank and this person inspires me more than anyone could possibly imagine and has taught me in so many ways to believe in not only myself but in general. Dreams can and do come true.
 Honestly, I am just so grateful because never thought within a million years I would be performing at the same venues and the same stages that I used to follow my big brother around on. And most importantly the Pagers thank you so much for the tweets, messages words of encouragement, laughs and sharing your stories this is why I do this always be you and never be afraid of that.

much love
Natalie

quotes from tumblr

haha thanks to you all for sending these quotes or random quotes from my tumblr yea I tend to say/write some pretty random things


"there is a part of me that likes creating a spark it's my way of being a rebel. Nothing wrong with wanting to go outside barefoot in the snow while eating ice cream"

"Our society has become very cruel in how young girls relate to one another and how women relate to one another. All the time I hear women [and young girls] criticize someone else for not having flat abs or being "beautiful" and really it's subjective. What is attractive to you may not be attractive to someone else and we shouldn't be so judgmental. If I ever have a son I hope he brings home a young lady with a great personality and something going for her than just for looks because there is more to life than that"

"No, I don't get offended when people call me a stripper because I know who and what I am as a person. Am I a stripper by all means no I'm not but it's so amusing how people will try to belittle others and they feel the best way to do that is attempting to damage self image"

"People ask me all if the time if I think I am 'sexy' etc and you know...I consider myself like anchovies. I'm just an acquired taste and not everyone loves them and that's okay"

"I have come to learn that the men who are attracted to me are the same ones who are attracted to Angelina Jolie and Dita von Teese and honestly not damn bad at all"

"People will refer to me as Angelina Jolie as an insult and I keep thinking to myself: you think insulting me is by comparing me to a woman who is exceptionally talented, gorgeous inside and out, intelligent/charming and has a hot partner. Okay I take it"

"I think there is nothing wrong with being a burlesque performer. I know when I initially started my idea was the film Burlesque and one thing I learned very fast is every performer has their own view of what "burlesque" is and that makes me drawn to it even much more so. I am way more into the glamour, pin up style and the Hollywood of it all. I think I was born in the wrong decade"

"I am a walking vintage pin up cut out cardboard"

"Books are so attractive, men who read are attractive. I love picking apart a man's brain and honestly I cannot date someone with whom I am unable to have witty banter with"

"You know, honestly I received more hate from people other than his fan base and really I don't even know why. I do think people tend to be a little bit more worried about what goes on in my personal life and who I like, talk to etc. People say 'oh, his fanbase is horrible' but I have found them to be the most amazing, loyal and dedicated. He's so lucky to have them all and not everyone has that and yea I will defend them to the moon and back"

"The focus should be on his music and the focus should be on me as a performer/entertainer, far more interesting"

"Art is such an amazing outlet to explore. I think art should be everywhere and it is everywhere. I honestly think we as a society are losing grasp as to what is culture and I mean everything else is nice too but we need to preserve the classics. Hate to think what the world would be like without Jane Eyre"

"Writing music has always been so therapeutic for me. I started writing when I was 14 because my English teacher encouraged it. I was made fun of so badly in school because of my accent, I refused to talk so I would always write everything. And of course having a musician Mum and big brother music was always there so I have no plans or intentions to become a musician but I do love writing as my outlet"

"People ask a lot especially now why I don't talk about my parents and me growing up in the industry but what they fail to realise is that I lost both of my parents and my big brother...talking about them is not something I do all the time at least not openly. Sure I will always think of and love them but if people knew how close we all were yea it would be hard, people need to be more sensitive" - on musician's criticism for not talking about my family

"Everyone wants to market you into something you're not and honestly I think this is how people burn out very quickly in this business. Even if you have talent if you don't have a personality that isn't going to get you too much of anywhere"

"When I first started performing I was told by one of my big brother's bandmates: you will get haters, you will get fans, you will get admirers and you will get stalkers. Stalkers, I cannot wait to meet you"

"Yes, my brother's friends were shocked when they learned I began performing on stage. They were all so used to me being backstage running around helping out my big brother. I didn't even tell them they showed up one night and I appeared on stage, they were shocked of course"

"It isn't that I don't hate having my photo taken it's just from when I came  home from the hospital with my parents there's photos of me in magazines and newspapers and it's like come on...so yea I just want to be normal go out with friends and have fun. Not worried about taking photos all the time it's gets tiring"

"Yea, I am honoured with the Dita von Teese comparisons. She's a remarkable performer but there can only be one Dita. I want to be the first Natalie Page. But it's great people see that potential in me and I definitely want to work much harder as a performer"

"Race does play a huge factor in all this. I'm half Native American so there is huge pressure and of course everyone wants to 'stereotype'. I definitely look more like my Mum and nothing wrong with that. But it is rather disturbing when people always want to 'assume' someone's ethnicity and pass judgments. One reason why I want to do this, how many Native American performers do we see regularly? I want to set an example and let girls know hey if I'm doing this you can too"

"I don't like shopping but love fashion, the irony in life"

"Yea, people do refer to me as Bella Swan but you  know she was considered the weakest and later turned out to be the strongest. People always forget that"

What is Art?

I always tend to blog about random subjects but one thing I absolutely adore is art...in general. Growing up in an artistic family art has always been so influential to us and we were always surrounded by it; I think art in general is a way for a person to express him/herself in a unique way and some will understand which is the beauty of it...it's subject to interpretation. But here are a few of my favourite pieces of art and the artists who are incredibly talented:

Konstantin Somov- The Lady in Blue
There is so much that happened in Eastern Europe regarding their own version of a Renaissance period and since I am a sucker for Romanticism [which is a different art period however] I have always adored this piece




Another one of my favourites is Ilya Repin who was one of the "Wanderers" they were a group of Russian art students who rejected formal school teaching and created an art movement of Renaissance style art in Eastern Europe



And yes the Girl with the Pearl Earring [the film I also adore]




And definitely cannot forget Caravaggio




But I also adore street art which is another one of my passions:

my revenge will be artistic not personal

it's almost middle of November and it's time to think about what goals I hope to accomplish as a performer/entertainer; I think 2014 will be remarkably different in that I now know how I want to develop as a performer and what direction to take this. This year was more of experimenting for me and deciding how to proceed as well discover who I am not only as a person but as a dancer. Now that slowly gaining that confidence it's time to take this to another level and to push myself to accomplish even more goals. I now officially have a "team" which consists of a stylist, choreographer/art creator,and to help out with promoting, etc . Having support makes this journey much easier than attempting to do it all by myself. There are things I know I need to work on as a performer...and no matter how long a person has been a dancer there is always something one can learn or improve upon from this beautiful art form. So here's to 2014 I am excited to share this journey with everyone and to take me as a performer to new heights. Thank you all who have been so supportive from the beginning and those who are still here. It means more than you all could possibly know. It is time to train even harder and take myself to new heights.

much love,
Natalie

no, you're not all bad

This is probably one of my most favourite songs thus far from the journals and honestly I think it is amazing and takes so much courage to become vulnerable and put yourself out there especially when not knowing how people will fully respond to it. And yea, I already knew from the beginning that he's not all bad :)

It’s another, if it ain’t one thing

Instigators, like putting fire on propane

The wrong thing, they be worried about

 you know females

And how they like to run their mouths

Wanna be, wanna be, just like, talk like, you

(like you) you (like you)

Misery, misery, loves company

Don’t let them change your mood

They try to get at me

Behind your back

Tryin’ to tell me that I’m just like the others

But I ain’t all bad

No, no, I ain’t all bad

All bad, all bad

I ain’t all bad

All bad, all bad

I might make you mad, so mad

My bad, no, I ain’t all bad

Between us, they wanna comment

Your worst enemy some time be your best friend

Perfect, ain’t saying that I am

Proven, it’s proven I don’t give a damn

Wanna be, wanna be everything I ought to be to you (to you)

Envy, envy, same thing as jealousy

Jealous of you

That’s what they do

They try to get at me 

Behind your back 

Tryin’ to tell me that I’m just like the others

But I ain’t all bad

No, no, I ain’t all bad

All bad, all bad

I ain’t all bad

All bad, all bad

I might make you mad, so mad

My bad, no, I ain’t all bad. 

Rebel without a Cause

Hey Loves,
 I'm not sure if I already posted on this topic or not but those who know me exceptionally well know all about my love for vintage Hollywood glamour. Oddly enough why I am drawn to being a pin up model and burlesque because it's so unique, classy and fabulous. Anyway, one of my all time favourite films is Rebel without a Cause and yes, of course James Dean...what girl doesn't like James Dean, right?
  It also may seem cheesy but this is one of my favourite music videos why, because of course it is based on the film. I think Natalie Wood and James Dean were probably one of the most perfect couples as far Hollywood glamour and film is concerned. So this is a little peak into my love of vintage films.

much love
Natalie
xoxo

thank you

“honestly, I do not know how she does it on a regular basis. There is a lot that people say to her either on facebook, twitter or in person that she doesn't even talk about and people are and have been so rude to her. I think she has a lot of courage because she is making the conscious decision to ignore everything and still manage to try to treat everyone with respect. People don’t have to like her and I don’t think she expects everyone to like her but she still treats everyone with respect and with most being older than can at least do the same. It all comes down to respect”

-this came from model and friend SH on my tumblr love you lady

I only sleep with butterflies

Airplanes
Take you away again
Are you flying
Above where we live
Then I look up a glare in my eyes
Are you having regrets about last night
I'm not but I like rivers that rush in
So then I dove in
Is there trouble ahead
For you the acrobat
I won't push you unless you have a net

You say the word
You know I will find you
Or if you need some time
I don't mind
I don't hold on
To the tail of your kite
I'm not like the girls that you've known
But I believe I'm worth coming home to
Kiss away night
This girl only sleeps with butterflies
With butterflies
So go on and fly then boy

Balloons
Look good from on the ground
I fear with pins and needles around
We may fall then stumble
Upon a carousel
It could take us anywhere

I'm not like the girls that you've known
But I believe I'm worth coming home to
Kiss away night
This girl only sleeps with butterflies
With butterflies
With butterflies
So go on and fly boy

-Sleeps with Butterflies

Psalm 119:105 out of the woods

Take a deep breath

This world that surrounds you gets

 Deeper and darker 

The further you go

Hold my hand

I will lead you out of here

But you have to choose to if you turn around

Take my hand I will lead you out

Of this darkness you have found

Your past is on your heels now

You're not out of the woods yet

Out of the woods yet....

Take a few pills

They will numb your senses

So you won't have to feel at all

Drink some alcohol for the memories

Drink them away

Drink them away...

Take my hand I will lead you out

Of this darkness you have found

Your past is on your heels now

You're not out of the woods yet

The world only gets deeper 

Only gets darker

The further you go

Take my hand I will lead you out

Of this you have darkness you found

Your past is on your heels now

You're not out of the woods yet

There's a lamp at your feet

It will guide you when all of the

Other lights go out

Just follow my words

And I'll show you how

To get out of the woods now

-Out of the Woods

long lost questions

These were some of the questions that I didn't post earlier from the interview for a mini documentary [yep, they get kind of personal]

J.E.: Your sister recently made some comments about people criticizing you for being a stripper. How does that make you feel when someone calls you a stripper?
A: Honestly, I don't care what people call me. I've never really cared what people think of me except for a select few, but I've been comfortable enough with myself and at ease with myself enough to know who and what I am as a person. My sister did make some very true remarks though and she's right I don't do nudes that was my personal decision. Do I think some women make those comments to be insulting of course and actually I find it saddening how when a woman is confident enough in herself and sexuality we often resort to attempting to degrade her self worth. I honestly think a woman's sexuality is the one thing we are able to control in society it's more powerful than we all realise.

J.E.: What do you think is sexy?
A: I really think it is a matter of perception. I am more a logical sort of person so I love it when I meet a man who is able to get inside of my mind and make me think. I think intellect and a sense of humour is sexy and if I am attracted to man can guarantee he has something going on upstairs even if others may not realise it. But all women I think have their own view as to what makes them feel sexy or appealing and men have different views about what they find attractive. I like to view sexuality as wine some may like it sweet, or a little sour, stronger or softer it's all about taste, now what we view as "good" taste and "bad" taste is another debate.

J.E.: Do you think of yourself as sexy?
A: I do actually. I think to someone out there yes, and to myself yes I am. If one person who I am really into finds me sexy that is more than enough. I think a sense of humour is sexy and if you can make people laugh and feel great about themselves to me that is most attractive thing. I think being sexy is all about how you make that person feel.

J.E.: What are your thoughts about dating, relationships?
A: I am open to them most definitely. It is also hard because growing up in this industry it is very difficult to trust people some people will be your friend long enough to further themselves and the list can go on. Honestly, there is only person right now I would trust enough of the opposite sex, where I would feel completely comfortable around him and can just "get him" if that makes sense.

J.E.: Have you ever had a one night stand?
A: A lady doesn't kiss and tell. So yes or no not telling.

J.E.: Fair enough. Everyone does want to know if you're dating anyone now?
A: I plead the fifth on that one. It's just a very complicated situation right now because of circumstances which I prefer to keep private, but there is someone I care very deeply for yes and leaving it at that. I've just always been really private about my romantic life people may know there is someone but not all the details even though being a "public figure" we're still entitled to some privacy.

J.E.: Where would you go for a romantic getaway?
A: There are so many places I would love to go! It would just depend on my mood. I am a very random person and there have been days where I've been bored and just decided to book a trip someplace. It happens.

J.E: Favorite city to visit?
A: Toronto aka my second home. I also love L.A. There are so many different places that are so fascinating and so many different stories, I am a slight adventurous/adrenaline junkie not going to lie.

J.E.: Adrenaline junkie?
A: Yes. I actually bungee jumped once. It was such a rush.

J.E.: Now been hearing about this do you really skateboard?
A: I do! I love it just hoping to get better at roller skating.

J.E.: So what do you think about the Dita von Teese comparisons?
A: It adds pressure without a doubt. I honestly don't want to be the "next" version of anyone I just want to be the first version of myself. It is flattering when people say that or make those remarks and especially over this past summer when people tell me they see that potential. All I know is going to work hard every day and set small goals for myself. Not going into this with a big head because that is how most fall and I really do pray to remain humble every single day. I hope to never lose that. But Dita is amazing she is an icon for my generation at least.

J.E.: You also love fashion?
A: Yes, I adore fashion. My Mum was a professional runway model so I grew up around fashion; it was constantly around me. I always had a passion for fashion.

J.E.: Favorite designers?
A: Valentin Yudashkin, he is brilliant as is Yohji Yamamoto-love the raincoat series. There are so many amazing designers now it is so difficult to list them all, but yes I am definitely a fashion hound but I hate shopping I always find that ironic! 

for the comments about what is sexy

I've been fortunate enough to travel all over and meet so many wonderful and different people in this world since a very young age; and one of those things I have learned the vision of what each culture and society views as "beautiful" and "sexy" varies from subculture to wherever you may be. I do find it disheartening when other individuals criticize other females as not "sexy" or "beautiful" and may be entitled to your own opinions but what I feel is the beauty in this world and the world of burlesque is that every woman and performer I have met has her own vision of what beauty and sexy is. Now, people may not agree with that and that is perfectly all right, but what I think people need to understand especially with burlesque dancing is that there are so many different levels an artist can take this art form.
  Every performer has their own idea as to what is entertaining or being a performer should be; I've met performers who are more into what is called "Grotesque Burlesque", then there is "Neo Burlesque" and some who are more classical.  It's what makes burlesque so appealing to me as an art form and why I was always drawn to it. Now for me, being a burlesque performer is not always about nudity and I made the personal decision about no nudes that was my personal choice, yet still can perform, be sexy and entertain a crowd without doing those things. Burlesque I think is more about being confident because I think overall the general idea of being "sexy" is being at ease and comfortable enough with yourself to be who you are because if you believe in yourself everyone else will follow suit.
  Personally, for myself I find nothing is more sexy than wearing garters, stockings, corsets, to be that is what I envision as being "sexy" as well a woman who has class, and can be witty/charming/intellect along with a sense of humour. Again this varies and really I find no make up "sexy" really the only time I do wear make up is either at a photo shoot or if performing other times more than likely very little unless it is lip gloss.
  A sad thing I have noticed as we oftentimes confuse extreme raunchy as "sexy" and women...please keep it classy and then again that is my personal opinion while someone else may want that and nothing wrong it is a matter of taste which is the bottom line.
 So again, we as women and burlesque performers shouldn't put down other women because it isn't our "vision" and I feel being sexy should be along the lines of "What is Art"? by Leo Tolstoy....subject to opinion. But for those who are expecting to see me perform should know my numbers are not about nudity for me performing is all about creating a world people can escape to; to entertain people and how fortunate am I to be all these different characters that otherwise would not be able to?
 
much love,
Natalie

corset training [I'm not nuts]

Okay, when I announced earlier via twitter that I would begin corset training soon know it probably freaked out a lot of people [my family included] because of the natural imagery that comes along with corset training. For the record I am not beginning corset training to physically alter my body in any shape or form; for me it is more so becoming more comfortable in wearing a regular corset and especially when performing burlesque numbers. I want to be able to dance properly and safely while wearing a "normal" corset. Now, being a ballet dancer I am used to wearing a corset however it is not the same thing as wearing the typical corset in burlesque dancing. Also in ballet the choreography is more asymmetrical as far movement is concern; while with my burlesque numbers the choreography is quite not only grueling but physically demanding.
  People often wonder if I am trying to do or prove too much with my performances but this is just me and who I am as a performer and definitely want to be the best at it. One of the things I hope to accomplish is to become a better dancer with corsets and performer overall. So, I am nervous yet excited at the same time about corset training plus it will give me an opportunity to see how my body moves in different corsets and this also helps me when I choreograph routines as to how much or little movement to make. Also I think corsets are great for costuming and the appearance on stage..now ladies remember before attempting any corset training make certain it is done safely as there are medical ramifications from this [and I know personally from nursing] but it is a challenge for myself and to test myself as a performer/dancer.
 Like I mentioned I am not doing full hardcore corset training but enough so that my body adjusts to wearing and performing in them more often. During the fall/winter season hoping to bring some amazing new routines for everyone to enjoy and especially working on my Doll Series set to begin the holiday season.
wish me luck!!

much love,
Natalie

hanging with the raisin girls

Most are unaware that in 2008 I became an advocate for anti bullying campaigns. Since then I've been giving lectures and attempting to educate people and the public about bullying and the affects it has on people. One of the most common and often ignored form of bullying is relational aggression; RA has been on the rise since I began my work more than ever and think it is because RA is more of an emotional form of bullying and it is more common amongst girls/women than anything. Boys [and men] tend to be more physical in their way of bullying others but women and girls tend to be more on the psychological/emotional aspect of bullying which is why RA is so much more common. The best way to describe it is the film Mean Girls, yes we're all familiar with that but it is also a perfect example of RA and how it works in a social group.
  I was bullied quite a bit in school mainly because I was thought of this "weird" artistic girl who was into dance, I had an accent so I sounded funny and remember kids used to make fun of how I sounded when I would talk in class...one reason and even to this day I am somewhat quiet around people unless feel completely comfortable...kind of a force of habit. I used to take bullying and people's rude comments personally when much younger but looking back and now that older it made me realise that oftentimes when people are insecure about themselves or lack confidence they have to put down another person they think is above them in some way or another. It is just a sense of power and making themselves look important, there is something about themselves they feel they are lacking and people will find the smallest and unimportant things to be jealous of towards another person it seems these days.
  The thing with RA, telling lies/spreading rumours, isolating the person from a group...these are all patterns of relational aggression and it is even more daunting when it happens as an adult. Sad thing is individuals who tend to be more independent are more subject to bullying and RA because they tend to be what we call "loners" so if a person is more apt to do things on his or her own....the more of a target because bullies feel if a person is alone no one would care which isn't the case.
  My advice is this: to girls [and women] never lower yourself to someone who bullies you. Obviously you have more than they do otherwise they wouldn't try so hard to tear you down as a person. Always have an outlet and people to be supportive and if it becomes physical please please let someone know. No one should have to go through feeling mistreated by anyone for any reason.
 So my message to Pagers, Beliebers and any other fanbases out there never ever feel you are less than anything. You're important, you're beautiful. Continue to be positive and do not allow anyone to take away your shine, ever.  Listening to Tori Amos helped me get through school and to deal/cope with being bullied one of my all time favourite songs is Cornflake Girl and the whole idea is that raisin girls are sweet ones the ones people love to pick one and there are so few of them in a bowl whereas the cornflakes are rough and break plenty of them. So keep being raisin girls and ladies don't let those cornflakes get to you remember they get soggy and wear down much faster.

much love,
Natalie

applause

I really have no issues discussing my personal life. I am totally comfortable and okay with it; if I am into someone I have no issues saying that and to fully answer the question as to whether I am single or not is truly complicated and yes I am very much into someone. Sometimes as we get older relationships [especially romantic ones] aren’t as simple as black and white as we’d like them to be. There are other complications that oftentimes come with being an adult or in my case growing into adulthood. Yes, there is someone who does have my heart and beyond that would like to keep private just because of the many complexities that for now  keep private it is the only thing that makes sense at this moment. Also he is pretty much in the driver’s seat as far things go it’s totally up to him where this will go if anywhere. But yes, there is someone and thus far most have been completely respectful of my privacy and I am so grateful.I know what’s important to him and in no way want to come in between that so whatever happens or doesn't I am okay with it. But as far dating anyone else mentioned here don’t take it personally fellas but really not interested in anyone else, there comes a point where only certain things and people matter, that one person who has your heart and that is the only thing that matters in this world, and that is pretty much where I'm at right now in my life.

I'm pretty good at fixing things....

I am used to fixing things and maybe that is why aside from being a performer I was drawn into nursing maybe it says something about me who knows but always been good at fixing the broken somehow in some way or another....

i see you and you see me

yea I've finally stopped being stubborn but thank you I see you.

There are so many parts that I have hidden and denied and lost
There are so many ways that I have cut off my nose to spite my face

There are so many colors that I still try to hide while I paint
And there are so many tunes that I secretly sing as I wait

You come along and invite these parts out of hiding
This invitation is the one that I've stopped fighting....

Thank you for seeing me
I feel so less lonely
Thank you for getting me
I'm healed by your empathy
 this intimacy

There were so many times, I thought I'd die not being truly known
There've been so many moments: forever lonely in my vocation

You come along and celebrate each feeling
And there you are all honor and inquiring.......

Thank you for seeing me
I feel so less lonely
Thank you for getting me
I'm healed by your empathy
 this intimacy

There was a day where the trust that was being asked of me
Required too much you see
To accept your generosity
And to know myself enough to let you help me

Thank you for seeing me
I feel so less lonely
Thank you for getting me
I'm healed by your empathy
this intimacy
-empathy

don't tell me you're my heartbreaker...because I'm not....

Yes. Heartbreaker was officially released at midnight and I already had an idea of what was coming or what to expect from it and it was everything knew that was coming. I am just amazed as to how much Justin has grown as a person and as an artist; I am also amazed as to how talented he is and he deserves so much more respect and credit than anyone could possibly imagine. I don't always write about personal things publicly and only am open with a select few people [like my 4 bestest friends in the whole world and have known forever].
  And to be honest my heart truly goes out to Justin with everything he has been through and still going through this past year; he's been through quite a bit and all at once at a fairly young age. You know, listening to the song it actually made me proud because it is his own way of being open with his feelings and letting the public know what is going on inside his head and his heart; I think as an artist oftentimes our messages get lost in translation but if anything I feel with Justin's music is where he feels most comfortable expressing what it is he needs to say. He has always done this if a person were to truly sit down and open their heart and mind we'd hear everything that not only Justin but what most artists are trying to tell the world.
  For me, it is my dancing creating characters and choreography about what is going on in my life things that just telling people otherwise would not feel at ease doing. I think it is the same for Justin, he'll tell us and whomever he wants to know what he needs to or feels should know. It is just a matter of how open and receptive a person is willing to be about it.
  Basically, and again I don't normally write publicly about personal stuff and know I've said this earlier I am so incredibly proud of him; it was such a huge risk artistically and personally to put yourself out there to the world it leaves a person vulnerable as an artist know that feeling. I am proud of him for taking that risk people have so many ideas of what the song is about and I think it is about a combination of things as knowing Justin it isn't always simply black and white when it comes to him there is always a deeper meaning or more to the story and he is taking everyone on that journey to show us what is inside of his heart and mind then and now. I think Heartbreaker is the beginning  the story isn't finished....yet.....and that is all I am going to leave this with.
 Justin...I am so proud of you my Owl and honestly, there is not one person that I don't have the utmost respect and admire and just thank you.....

-Natalie

mini road trip playlist

People love to ask what am I currently listening to...well here are some songs that make it to my playlist:

I actually don't know why Havoc and Bright Lights hasn't been getting much play at least around here this album is amazing and I think Alanis has grown so much as a person and musician it truly shows.

Yes, I do listen to rap/Hip Hop and lately Versace has been on repeat

and lately I have Jerzee tha Icon on repeat his music is so positive and I fully support anyone who is trying to bring a positive message into this world:

the White Apple Deluxe has become one of my all time favourite albums, yes

can't be a road trip without one of my Big Brother's songs:

I am so addicted to this song no lie!!

                                 Of course this will always be on my playlist :) 

                                     Always have to have Katy Perry on any playlist 

Fumbling Towards Ecstasy always xoxo