Just recently, lost a patient with whom I became close and it was difficult and going to be honest heartbreaking. Life is so precious and just want to make certain in some small way that everyone feels loved...people deserve that.
it.
Monday, October 29, 2012
I too have a day job...(sort of)
Many people will ask me if I have a "day job" and the answer is yes, I do. Why? Most of it has to do with my parents because I promised my Mum before she died that before I pursued anything in the entertainment industry, I would at least earned some sort of training (honestly, she didn't care what it was as long as it was something I enjoyed and paid me well enough). So, this is why I now work as a nurse and not only that I love helping people and honestly think that just being caring and nurturing is second nature to me and honestly, I truly love it more than anything. I do work as a hospice nurse however and those days can be very difficult to handle especially when see that person every single day and then suddenly he or she may be gone. It is also one reason I try to make people laugh and smile as much as possible because with my experiences that may be the only kindness that person will know in the last moments of his or her life. So yes, I promised both of my parents before they died I would finish up with school and admittedly it is difficult being so young and having to deal with all of what I see at work and maybe this is why I love performing because it helps give me an outlet in a creative way to deal with everything we see at work.
Just recently, lost a patient with whom I became close and it was difficult and going to be honest heartbreaking. Life is so precious and just want to make certain in some small way that everyone feels loved...people deserve that.
but this song reminds me of the patient I became close to and think of them whenever I hear
it.
Just recently, lost a patient with whom I became close and it was difficult and going to be honest heartbreaking. Life is so precious and just want to make certain in some small way that everyone feels loved...people deserve that.
it.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
my turn to speak....
pretty soon I will be recording with long time musician friend Craig Smith to work on my I am thinking will be my third and final EP appropriately titled, "my turn to speak" ; it is a project in which has been almost two years in the making but overall the EP itself chronicles my relationship with lead guitarist of FNRP. I never have been one to discuss my personal life but when our relationship ended (which was my first serious romantic relationship) there was so much had to deal with publicly that should have in reality been able to deal with privately. Nonetheless, everyone will have their opinions and still do...some still associate me with him which is even more difficult so this EP is pretty much me telling my side of the story which never I discussed openly at least. It was also my way of dealing with all those emotions and now at a point in my life where moving on (or should say moved on long time ago) from that experience. If anything I learned that even though our relationship was really great it still didn't last and that was because sometimes people come into our lives to pass time and prepare for the person we ultimately spend our life with...and that happens. If anything I think it shows how much I have grown as a person, as an artist and as a musician with this next EP and it is because I have experienced so much more from then until now...so when the next person enters my life...I am ready!
Monday, October 22, 2012
these are a few of my favourite things.....
Favourite candy:
Twizzlers or the Welch's fruit snacks
Favourite restaurant:
Cantina on Park Street. I love love the fajitas and love to go dancing there later hehe. I am Texan I love my food okay?? haha
Favorite book:
Jane Eyre and L'Amant. Both are so romantic yet tragic at the same time.
Favourite subject:
English and French literature
Favourite album:
From the Choirgirl Hotel by Tori Amos
Favourite quote:
"believe"
Favourite city:
Chicago, LA and home San Antonio
Favourite season:
fall
Favourite actor:
Angelina Jolie (yes, I will fangirl her lol)
Favourite song:
depends on my mood but One Love by Justin Bieber I play alot ;-)
Favourite country:
Canada...duh! and Ukraine
Favourite catch phrase:
"seriously"??
Twizzlers or the Welch's fruit snacks
Favourite restaurant:
Cantina on Park Street. I love love the fajitas and love to go dancing there later hehe. I am Texan I love my food okay?? haha
Favorite book:
Jane Eyre and L'Amant. Both are so romantic yet tragic at the same time.
Favourite subject:
English and French literature
Favourite album:
From the Choirgirl Hotel by Tori Amos
Favourite quote:
"believe"
Favourite city:
Chicago, LA and home San Antonio
Favourite season:
fall
Favourite actor:
Angelina Jolie (yes, I will fangirl her lol)
Favourite song:
depends on my mood but One Love by Justin Bieber I play alot ;-)
Favourite country:
Canada...duh! and Ukraine
Favourite catch phrase:
"seriously"??
Sunday, October 21, 2012
a little Q & A for curious minds
Q: Would you rather lead or follow?
A: I've always been a leader. If everyone went left I always went right. I never really went along with what everyone else did was always doing my own thing.
Q: Are you an artist?
A: very much so. I grew up with two very creative and talented parents and my Mum especially always encouraged me to have artistic outlets that were positive. It was how I dealt with being bullied in school, etc. I would just go and write a song about my feelings it helped me get all of those emotions out, it still does.
Q: Are you more like your Mom or Dad and why?
A: Personality wise definitely my Mum. My Mum was the type of person she would give her last shirt to a complete stranger if she felt that person needed it more. It's just how she was. I think I am more like her as well in the sense being passionate about music and art. I am like my Dad in the sense where I could care less what people think of me...always made the decisions that were best for me and no one else. Honestly, I think I am like both of my parents but still my own person.
Q: how many languages do you speak?
A: 6. I grew up speaking French and Russian. I also can speak Spanish, German, Portuguese and Japanese. I can read Serbian, Macedonian and Ukrainian.
Q: What is your secret weapon in life?
A: Libra and Slavic charm ;-)
Q: If you could date any celebrity who would it be?
A:.......(purposely avoiding answering this) LOL
Q: Who is your favourite singer?
A: Tori Amos. I fangirl her continuously. Her songs always seem to help give me a voice when I really don't have one at times.
Q: Is there a story behind your name?
A: Yes. If I had been a boy my parents were going to name me Justin believe it or not. But I turned out to be a girl. My real full name is Jessica Antonina. I changed it because I would go to model castings and someone would say "Jessica" and about 20 of us would always be like, well which one?? I also changed my last name because it kept getting butchered no one could pronounce it haha. So I started using Natalie Page because I adore Natalie Wood and Bettie Page as well Marilyn Monroe...some of my idols.
A: I've always been a leader. If everyone went left I always went right. I never really went along with what everyone else did was always doing my own thing.
Q: Are you an artist?
A: very much so. I grew up with two very creative and talented parents and my Mum especially always encouraged me to have artistic outlets that were positive. It was how I dealt with being bullied in school, etc. I would just go and write a song about my feelings it helped me get all of those emotions out, it still does.
Q: Are you more like your Mom or Dad and why?
A: Personality wise definitely my Mum. My Mum was the type of person she would give her last shirt to a complete stranger if she felt that person needed it more. It's just how she was. I think I am more like her as well in the sense being passionate about music and art. I am like my Dad in the sense where I could care less what people think of me...always made the decisions that were best for me and no one else. Honestly, I think I am like both of my parents but still my own person.
Q: how many languages do you speak?
A: 6. I grew up speaking French and Russian. I also can speak Spanish, German, Portuguese and Japanese. I can read Serbian, Macedonian and Ukrainian.
Q: What is your secret weapon in life?
A: Libra and Slavic charm ;-)
Q: If you could date any celebrity who would it be?
A:.......(purposely avoiding answering this) LOL
Q: Who is your favourite singer?
A: Tori Amos. I fangirl her continuously. Her songs always seem to help give me a voice when I really don't have one at times.
Q: Is there a story behind your name?
A: Yes. If I had been a boy my parents were going to name me Justin believe it or not. But I turned out to be a girl. My real full name is Jessica Antonina. I changed it because I would go to model castings and someone would say "Jessica" and about 20 of us would always be like, well which one?? I also changed my last name because it kept getting butchered no one could pronounce it haha. So I started using Natalie Page because I adore Natalie Wood and Bettie Page as well Marilyn Monroe...some of my idols.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
my causes and what they mean to me.
I am a firm believer that it is typically the things in our lives to which we do not expect are the ones that significantly change our lives; be it positive or negative it is our choice as to how we perceive things. Ever since 2006 I sort of became unexpectedly an advocate for women's health issues as well having the opportunity to lecture young women about body image, etc.
This has been an amazing experience because sharing my own stories has in some ways (hopefully) helped many young women. I was raised early on to be comfortable with myself and in my own skin but being bullied (and believe it or not still to this day I am bullied) has taken its toll over the years. My mission was and still is to let young women know that they do not have to be a size 0-2 and blonde just to be considered beautiful and I felt it even more being half Native American; I was always made to feel less than beautiful because of that.
Over time came to realize that sometimes people are afraid of what they really don't know or understand so it is easier to channel that energy into unfortunately negative outlets.Over time I began to channel my frustrations into positive outlets (even though it didn't begin that way). Looking back on it now it has helped me develop compassion for others in which don't think would have had that sense otherwise.
So in December 2006 I began my own non profit organization to help educate young women about developing a positive body image as well information on how to stay fit and eat properly. I never within a million years would have expected the outcome of it and so thankful for what has come of it. Never expected to hear the stories of so many brave young women who have had similar experiences.
All of these experiences drove me to begin my anti-bully campaign two years ago. It was also within this time that due to bullying one of my best friends committed suicide; it was one of the most difficult moments I had to experience which is another aspect of my humanitarian work is giving discussions on relational aggression (another form of bullying). If anything I would travel the world and bring awareness to these sorts of issues that especially affect our young women and how society interprets our role in society.
Girls (and boys) who are bullied shouldn't feel as if they are alone in this world and it's one of things I hope even if it is in a small way to help others know that they aren't alone there is support.
This has been an amazing experience because sharing my own stories has in some ways (hopefully) helped many young women. I was raised early on to be comfortable with myself and in my own skin but being bullied (and believe it or not still to this day I am bullied) has taken its toll over the years. My mission was and still is to let young women know that they do not have to be a size 0-2 and blonde just to be considered beautiful and I felt it even more being half Native American; I was always made to feel less than beautiful because of that.
Over time came to realize that sometimes people are afraid of what they really don't know or understand so it is easier to channel that energy into unfortunately negative outlets.Over time I began to channel my frustrations into positive outlets (even though it didn't begin that way). Looking back on it now it has helped me develop compassion for others in which don't think would have had that sense otherwise.
So in December 2006 I began my own non profit organization to help educate young women about developing a positive body image as well information on how to stay fit and eat properly. I never within a million years would have expected the outcome of it and so thankful for what has come of it. Never expected to hear the stories of so many brave young women who have had similar experiences.
All of these experiences drove me to begin my anti-bully campaign two years ago. It was also within this time that due to bullying one of my best friends committed suicide; it was one of the most difficult moments I had to experience which is another aspect of my humanitarian work is giving discussions on relational aggression (another form of bullying). If anything I would travel the world and bring awareness to these sorts of issues that especially affect our young women and how society interprets our role in society.
Girls (and boys) who are bullied shouldn't feel as if they are alone in this world and it's one of things I hope even if it is in a small way to help others know that they aren't alone there is support.
Monday, October 8, 2012
why my inspiration is what it is.....
All of my young adult life there have been only two musicians who have fully inspired me: Michael Jackson and Justin Bieber. No, I am not going to sit here and write a long fangirl letter (although to MJ I could write about 50 years worth which is more than double my age almost) but nonetheless even now people make fun of me for listening to Michael Jackson and Justin Bieber but do I care? Not one single bit; think majority of it was I always liked what I liked what others thought who really cared?
But I remember Michael Jackson and he was the first musician I was able to see live believe it or not. Growing up with a musician Mum, I had been quite fortunate to meet many musicians and experience so much at such a young age, my first concert was probably right after I was born and it was my Mum's. Yet, it was also MJ who really stuck with me and I remember him being very quiet and shy and very polite; I loved him when I first heard his music at about the age of 6 it was also around that time I went to my first ballet and ever since music and dancing became a huge part of my life. There were so many memories associated with listening to MJ and I would go into the basement watch his videos and just dance for probably hours. Music and dancing was my escape from what was at the time a very difficult childhood. My parents divorced so I pretty much lived with my Mum especially when my Dad remarried, so my sisters and I hardly saw my Dad; it was okay (it wasn't) but music comforted me on so many ways, it also gave me my voice. In middle school I was diagnosed as an aspie and even now I feel like I am not "normal" and even at my age bullied, people make fun of me all the time because to them I am the "lonely girl".
When my parents died I lost my voice and to be honest, it wasn't until I heard Justin's music that pretty much brought me back to life and in some ways he has taught me what it is to believe again. Before my Mum died those were her words to me that just to believe in myself, in my dreams, in my faith and that she will still be there to guide me no matter what. I didn't get to spend as much time on Earth with my parents as I had hoped but so thankful for what time I did get to spend with them and how much in such a short time they have taught me. If anything I want to give back during my time on Earth just as they have.
Even now people make fun of me for being an orphan or not having much family, or an abundance of friends or the popular girl; yet, now when I listen to music I truly feel like a less lonely girl and know deep down in my heart I am one. My parents are still here and my Mum is right and so is Justin...miracles can happen if we just believe.
xoxo
But I remember Michael Jackson and he was the first musician I was able to see live believe it or not. Growing up with a musician Mum, I had been quite fortunate to meet many musicians and experience so much at such a young age, my first concert was probably right after I was born and it was my Mum's. Yet, it was also MJ who really stuck with me and I remember him being very quiet and shy and very polite; I loved him when I first heard his music at about the age of 6 it was also around that time I went to my first ballet and ever since music and dancing became a huge part of my life. There were so many memories associated with listening to MJ and I would go into the basement watch his videos and just dance for probably hours. Music and dancing was my escape from what was at the time a very difficult childhood. My parents divorced so I pretty much lived with my Mum especially when my Dad remarried, so my sisters and I hardly saw my Dad; it was okay (it wasn't) but music comforted me on so many ways, it also gave me my voice. In middle school I was diagnosed as an aspie and even now I feel like I am not "normal" and even at my age bullied, people make fun of me all the time because to them I am the "lonely girl".
When my parents died I lost my voice and to be honest, it wasn't until I heard Justin's music that pretty much brought me back to life and in some ways he has taught me what it is to believe again. Before my Mum died those were her words to me that just to believe in myself, in my dreams, in my faith and that she will still be there to guide me no matter what. I didn't get to spend as much time on Earth with my parents as I had hoped but so thankful for what time I did get to spend with them and how much in such a short time they have taught me. If anything I want to give back during my time on Earth just as they have.
Even now people make fun of me for being an orphan or not having much family, or an abundance of friends or the popular girl; yet, now when I listen to music I truly feel like a less lonely girl and know deep down in my heart I am one. My parents are still here and my Mum is right and so is Justin...miracles can happen if we just believe.
xoxo
Thursday, October 4, 2012
write hope on your arm day
Last year on a crazy whim I decided to create an event on facebook and entitle it "write hope on your arm day" and designated the day the same as my birthday (September 26). I figured no one would respond nor care because first and foremost it was something no one had never heard of before until that day; however, I was so overwhelmed by the positive response of it that decided to do the event once again.
The idea is to support mental health, PCOS and various other issues which affect women's health and to let women and men know they are not alone in battling these health issues. Ever since 2006 I have become an advocate for anti bullying, PCOS and mental health and it has been an eye opening experience and with my own issues letting people know they are not alone in this world and there is support out there and to never give up and to always believe. So for now on, every September 26 my birthday we write hope on our arms. Never give up always have hope and always believe <3
so here are some photos I received in honour of write hope on your arm day:
(thank you all for sharing these)
The idea is to support mental health, PCOS and various other issues which affect women's health and to let women and men know they are not alone in battling these health issues. Ever since 2006 I have become an advocate for anti bullying, PCOS and mental health and it has been an eye opening experience and with my own issues letting people know they are not alone in this world and there is support out there and to never give up and to always believe. So for now on, every September 26 my birthday we write hope on our arms. Never give up always have hope and always believe <3
so here are some photos I received in honour of write hope on your arm day:
(thank you all for sharing these)
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