What I Want [from my personal tumblr]

“People are always asking me what kind of relationship do I want and basically I want someone who can laugh with me where we can do nothing but laugh and feel comfortable around one another. I also want a boyfriend where we can travel the world and do good deeds for others, spread the goodness and kindness to others. Basically, spread joy compassion and making other people smile because that is what life is truly about bringing joy and kindness; this world has enough cruelty as it is we should focus more on the positivity and let the light shine in this world filled with darkness”

Ray of Light

I haven't  been on to blog too much recently and have to admit been keeping to myself for a good portion of this year for personal reasons; but, just wanted to share some positivity all around and this album/song in particular reminds that there is always a "ray of light" somewhere to be found. It's all about keeping things positive and what definitely hope to do.People will say or do terrible things and it is part of being in this industry I totally get it; at the same time however, I refuse to allow negativity keep me down and the same for anyone else. You are far too precious, talented, amazing and big hearted. If anything I will always be loyal to those I love and therefore, no negative comments will be tolerated. We're all about positivity and spreading love. We're all beautiful in our rights and ways as well this world needs much more compassion.
please spread that instead of hate
xoxo

Natalie

Valentine's Day Q & A

here are some Valentine's Day questions I pulled from my ask.

Q: Do you have a boyfriend?
A: Waiting for a specific person to officially "claim" me if that makes sense

Q: Who are your celebrity crushes?
A: I only have two and have had them for quite some time actually! Both of them are really brilliant in their crafts and I have the utmost respect for both of them.

Q: What kind of guys do you like?
A: I don't have a type. I think creating "types" sort of limits yourself to what is out there and love can come from any spectrum just have to be open to it. I will say that I tend to relate more to musicians and think it is because my Mum was a musician and it's all I grew up around and what makes me feel comfortable.

Q: How many boyfriends have you had?
A: I've only had one boyfriend. I learned a lot from that relationship the major thing I learned is that just because you love a person and that person loves you it doesn't necessarily mean that person is the one you are to spend your life with long term. Those things in life happen.

Q: Is there anyone you would date now?
A: There are a couple people if either one asked me out I would definitely say yes. I'm totally open to it!

Q: What relationship advice would you give?
A: That is tough! Faith, trust and patience. I learned to have all three.

Q: Is it hard dating as a performer?
A: It can be. I think one reason performers date other performers. I know some men don't like the travel schedule, etc. etc. and it can be hard on a relationship but it takes some understanding and trust. It wouldn't bother me dating a musician or actor because it is knowing these things come along with that. I know many girls want to date actors, musicians etc etc but don't want to deal with everything else but it's all part of a package.

Q: What are you doing for Valentine's Day?
A: I am spreading love and positivity. It's what it is about. I think things will come to you naturally if just focus on positive things

Q: Do you talk to your crushes at all?
A: Yes, I do talk to them not saying who they are because that is private or I want to keep that private but yes I communicate regularly with them.

Q: Best Valentine's Day gift?
A: For me if it was a guy giving me a gift I love reading so books, yes books! I am such a nerd but yes or music related anything creative

My Life is Complicated it will get better they said it will sort itself out they said

lily is dancing 
on the table 
we've all been 
pushed 
too far 
i guess on days 
like this 
you know who your 
friends are 
just another dead fad 
to you that's all 
just another light missing 
on a long taxi ride 
taxi ride 

and i'm down to 
your last cigarette and 
this "we are one" crap 
as you're invading 
this thing you call 
love - she smiles 
way too much but 
i'm glad you're 
on my side, sure 
i'm glad you're on 
my side still 

you think you deserve 
a trust fund 
just because you 
want one 
sure you talk the talk 
when you need to 
i fear 
the whole world is 
starting to 
believe you 
just another dead fad
to you that's all 
just another light missing 
in a long taxi line 
taxi line 

and i"m down to 
your last cigarette and 
this "we are one" crap 
as you're invading 
this thing you call 
love - she smiles 
way too much but 
i'm glad you're 
on my side, sure 
i'm glad you're on 
my side still 

lily is dancing 
on the 
table 
we've all been pushed 
too far today 
even a glamorous 
bitch can be in 
need 
this is where you know 
the honey 
from the 
killer bees 
i'm glad you're on 
my side 
sure 
i'm glad you're on 
my side 
sure 
i'm glad you're on 
my side still 

got a long taxi ride 
got a long taxi ride
-taxi ride

What is a Name Day exactly?

I know many have seen or heard me post/talk about my Name Day and many do have loads of questions. The main one in particular is "What on Earth is a Name Day"?!? Well, for my family at least it is more of a cultural/religious sort of event than anything else but it is actually quite common.
 In Eastern Europe [Russia, Ukraine, Serbia, etc] many have a Slava or the Saint he or she was named after sometimes after birth or when a person is Christened [baptised]. Therefore, on that particular day one will occasionally celebrate that day by eating kolova, wine, etc which is oftentimes blessed by the Priest.
 Now, most may know that my Godfather is in fact an Eastern Orthodox Priest and this has come to be an important celebration for me. My Name Day falls on March 1 as my Ukrainian name [I also have an American name my parents decided to give me both] is Natalia Antonina well Antonina's Feast Day is March 1 so every year, my family celebrates it with dinner and traditional Ukrainian festivities.
 Some opt to celebrate their Name Day instead of their actual birthday and some choose not to celebrate their Slava while some celebrate both. For me, I like to celebrate both as it reminds me of my culture, and my faith which definitely at times keeps me in check.
  Being a performer and being in this industry so to speak I think it is so important to have a sense of balance and something to keep me grounded it can be stressful as well so many other things out there that can make life so much difficult and not just for us who are entertainers but for young people in general in this world.
 Now, I am also not cramming my beliefs down other people's throats and don't want people to think that is what I am doing because people by all means are allowed to believe however they choose; I am just expressing that for me personally this is what works and helps keep me in check.
 I also want to keep the traditions and my culture close to me as possible it reminds me who I am as a person.
 So that is what a Name Day is and for those who are curious about being Orthodox this is the brief story of St. Antonina [martyr] and from what my Godfather has expressed to me she was also known to have a great deal of patience something I hope to have and keep every single day.

The Holy Martyr Antonina suffered at Nicea during a persecution under the emperor Maximian (284-305). After fierce tortures, St Antonina was thrown into prison, but Maximian could not force the saint to renounce Christ and offer sacrifice to idols.

From my personal tumblr

"I’ve always had a sense of privacy. I think people do become a little bitter with me just because I am not one of those people who will screen shot texts, tweets,etc those things should be kept private and why would everyone want to know who I am talking to in private? One of the downfalls of all this social media is the over sharing that starts to happen; therefore, don’t expect to see me post things just to “show” who I’m with etc. If I’m with someone I am with someone why on Earth would every single person need to know these things? And really, I don’t understand why some girls do that which brings me to another issue: some complain about all the negativity yet at the same time put all of your business out there on social media sites knowing the reaction it will bring then play “martyr”. I think it is so degrading as a young woman to play that role; and, when dating someone in the industry and believe me being in this industry myself trying to date is difficult enough. So no, don’t expect whomever I’m dating etc to be all over the social media. I like keeping things private and dating in our world is dysfunctional as it is. Less people know the more sane it is and less chaotic. I’m definitely a don’t kiss and tell kind of lady.”

 

 Reblog

Explaining the Awakening

For a very long while now, I am sure those closest to me [and a few others] constantly will hear me quoting something simply entitled "The Awakening". People do not realise what it is exactly or where these quotes are coming from and it is something I never really spoke about until now for some reason.
  My father was a novelist and in fact just before he passed I was planning to join him on his book tour signing but shortly after he became ill and ultimately died. I still have the email from him where he was talking about his book tour and was excited I would travel with him and I was and am still exceptionally proud of my father for his accomplishments.
 "The Awakening" was the last manuscript my father was working on for his next work. Originally, he wrote the story about his experience living in French Vietnam/Thailand due to his work at the time. My father taught and his other projects ended my parents in Thailand to which we were all born. Not only that, in addition [such as my Godfather] most in Eastern Europe especially attended college elsewhere due to government restrictions, in fact my Godfather eventually attended and graduated from university in Paris. One reason we grew up speaking French as knowing Russian/Serbian. I was a small child coming here but my two older sisters returned to Thailand and Europe for their own college endeavors.
  Anyway, "The Awakening" was originally written about a man who lived in French Vietnam at the time. Ultimately, he met a lady fell in love and had a child. The two ultimately died and the child went to live with relatives where she endured a difficult life, but endured it all and found her own happiness.
  When I was younger, I always and I mean always thought the main character Dahlia was my older sister as she and my father were the closest. I was always the "black sheep" if you will of the family or always in the shadows considering coming from a family where everyone performed or had some amazing talent or gift. It wasn't however until I was older and just now even realising that Dahlia wasn't my oldest sister at all that in fact...Dahlia is me.
   I realised this when I finally brought myself to read my father's last book and he autographed it and wrote a passage. This made me realise that as a father how much he actually cared about me as a daughter and even though I was so stubborn in a sense failed to notice it. I still haven't brought myself to finish all of my father's last book, because it is difficult and people always ask why don't I talk about my parents since they were "so famous" either way what people fail to understand is that I was/still am close to my parents and my parents are no longer living. It is because it's difficult to talk about them am I proud of them absolutely every single day. I was blessed enough to come from two very creative and talented individuals and so thankful for the time spent with them here on Earth even though it wasn't as long as was hoping but they left me with enough wisdom to last a long time as did my brother.
  In the past people have made really horrible comments and mocked my family which is rather disrespectful yes especially when don't even personally know me or my family/parents. But they expressed a great deal through their art and creativity and that does resonate within me; think this is why I am no longer afraid to be a performer or to express myself more creatively. It's okay to come out from the shadows and be my own person if I want to remain in nursing always or be a performer or do both even it is strictly my choice and nothing wrong with that at all.
   But in the end Dahlia was similar to Alice [from Alice in Wonderland] and my father would always joke that I reminded him of Alice. She's very strong but doesn't realise it at least not until the end. She is "beautiful" but not in that typical super model type of beautiful most would assume but she is in her own quirky way and there is something that draws people towards her...she is a lighthouse.
  I didn't realise this once again until reading what my father had written at the beginning of the book he gave me, and recently someone told me I was a lighthouse. It just never dawned on me. So, my father left me this manuscript before he passed and he was hoping I would complete it somehow and reading it, I just realised he had written my life story until he died and it was up to me to write my own destiny.
  The moral of the story is our fate is determined by the choices we make in life nothing is ever set in stone. Everyday is our own novel.

I miss you Papa.

Natalie

"People ought to think of her as such; she is after all an amazing catch which is much to say about the women here in Lilac-Palisades. If only she knew how much beauty resonated not only on the outside but the inside as well and also how much men are actually drawn to her. They see her as a challenge attempting to win her hand and convincing her to marry them. You'd be shocked to learn who would love to place a ring on her finger. Dahlia is stubborn as they come and of course she'll fight it off just because of her pride and independence. She's worse than Scarlett O' Hara as they say. Indeed she is. Beautiful but good luck and may the best man win"