erratic thoughts late at night something is brewing

I am having one of those moments where creatively it seems everything is just wanting to burst out like all at once. Routines are just over flowing with choreography, writing music and basically in a "zone" mode if that even makes sense to anyone. So for those who are wondering we're on break until the 24th of this month then I begin performing again; I miss being on the stage and having that creative outlet..I miss performing, I miss the "Pagers" they make me smile and never would have thought that in a million years. Right now, I am just a bubble of random uncollective thoughts. It only seems to make sense in music then it sounds perfectly clear. Maybe it is me growing as a person and a performing; people have said I've changed and maybe so...sort of grew a lot mean no longer that cutesy little girl with a Mia Farrow haircut....still the same...just a woman now...I just need a fedora and everything will be complete.
But for now...think Possession by Sarah McLachlan says it all perfectly. 
xoxo,
Nat

post modern romantic [if we call it that]

One. I love historical fiction stories. I love history so anything that is remotely close to a historical fiction sort of story I will read and re read [or watch]. As mentioned before L'amant by Marguerite Duras is one of my favourite novels considering it takes place in Indochina [when the French colonized Vietnam]; it also reminds me of my family and because of my Dad's work we were all born in Indochina for the most part hence why we grew up speaking French [we had to in school] but more so my older sisters. Nonetheless here is another favourite scene from the film L'amant and yea...maybe at heart I am just a hopeless romantic but think this is one of the most sensual scenes in the film it's innocent yet at the same time we know or get an idea what is going to happen later....yea okay so I am a Libra...go figure ha ha. I am still awaiting my French copy to arrive where is it anyway?? :-p

apparently I have dopplegangers or two

I have been fascinated for a while with dopplegangers maybe it is because I just recently watched Qui est Veronique? (Who is Veronique?) a French/Polish film about dopplegangers where apparently two women who look a like except one lives in Poland the other France....so I decided to try a few sites to see who my dopplegangers would be and according to 5 different sites the top one was 

Marion Cotillard



Mila Kunis (to which I really don't get?)



But personally I feel my true doppleganger is my Auntie (my Dad's sister even my Dad used to admit it)

Q & A time but I have no worries....

Q: Explain again what is your heritage?
A: my Dad was Ukrainian and my Mum was Native American Choctaw/Cherokee

Q: What type of modeling do you do?
A: I am a promotional model for various companies and a pin up model. I am also a burlesque performer...shhhh....LOL!

Q: Have you been published?
A: Yes. I have had articles published and been in a calendar as well it is still surreal to me about it though.

Q: Do you consider yourself a "local" celebrity?
A: No, although some say that I am. It is weird when people do come up to me and even recently had someone ask me for an autograph...not used to that at all!!! So yea, when people recognize me it is weird to me because I still see myself as a girl just enjoying life.

Q: But you had relatively famous parents?
A: Yes, but I [and my sisters/brother] were all so sheltered. I think my parents wanted us to be "normal" especially with me when I started modeling at 14 they were so protective.

Q: How did you come about pin up modeling?
A: I've always loved anything vintage. I've done editorial and some high fashion but I just love pin up the most. It's fun, quirky much like my own personality it just suits me more I think.

Q: Which models have you worked with?
A: Well, I did work with one who is a relatively known editorial/high fashion model [and for Maxim] who ended up becoming one of my best friends! We met at a casting of all places haha. We just became fast friends she has since retired from modeling but yea she's my girl!!

Q: Who is your favorite model?
A: right now Arizona Muse. I just love her!! Models aren't the same as when I was younger and it wasn't that long ago. I mean no offense but the models like Cindy Crawford, Heidi Klum don't exist anymore it seems. They are  personalities and just not too keen on the newer ones.

Q: How many tattoos do you have?
A: I have 9 tattoos haha. I am planning a few more one in tribute to my big brother who was killed in a car accident last month. But yes, I feel tattoos at least in my experience mark different aspects of my life significant moments.

Q: What are your tattoos?
A: I don't always talk about my tattoos and what they are. But my favourite is the one on my back. It's in tribute to my family.

Q: Why don't you talk about your tattoos?
A: When I got my very first tattoo there was so much controversy over it, like literally. People were even protesting to have me ex communicated from the Eastern Orthodox Church over it; I feel it is my body, my choices no one else's and if I decide to get a tattoo that should be my personal experience. Going through that ordeal was hard and I don't talk about them because people judge so much anymore. But hey, I have learned cannot make everyone happy and if I decide it it's on me...no one else so people can just live with it....

Q: Why don't you like the media/paparazzi?
A: It isn't all media just I remember when my parents died and there was so much going on. I just felt like why can't my family just grieve in peace? I remember all the news articles about my Dad etc and I just wanted to go somewhere and hide. People need privacy and I could walk into a room and say I like green peas and people will make that into a drug reference. So, think that is one reason I am so private even now. Another reason too is I grew up knowing my parents one way and after they died learning via the media things about their lives just really threw a different aspect on how I see people. Sure, no one is perfect you know? But yea it isn't the media as a whole...but will admit too that my friends and I do make fun of the paparazzi quite a bit though.

paparazzi, rumours,everything else in between.....

Yes. Like many I am scrolling through my twitter account and read the same things as everyone else. But, as of late I have noticed that there have been some telling tweets [as well speculations, rumours, etc] going on about celebrities private lives, especially Justin's. Now, part of me being the Libra that I am trying very hard to be diplomatic, tactful and trying to ignore everything that is going on [it's pretty much how I am] ; but there is a fine line between having opinions and using the rumour mill to further a career or stretch the ever increasing 15 mins of fame to which it seems many people in my generation love to have.
 So here are my opinions on certain things and people do not have to agree with me and that is okay don't have to; thankfully I currently reside in a country where individuals are entitled to express their opinions on topics. First and foremost like many, yes I was shocked about the entire smoking weed that is currently circulating. I think growing up in the music world and having several family members who are musicians it is something that me personally does not necessarily shock me. Would I do it? No it is not something that I am into...not saying I am better than anyone else it just isn't my thing; secondly, he is an adult the choices [and even mistakes] are for him to learn and grow as a person. I do not know not one single "perfect" person so for people to sit and continuously judge about what he does...really is not fair.
  Granted, people see him as a role model for young children but what we should be teaching our children that even role models are not perfect and are human. If there is one "perfect" role  model it should be God [for those who are religious as I am] and if anything those are the sorts of people we should strive to be as because as mentioned before...we're just human it isn't fair to judge someone based on choices; I am sure there are things other people may decide to do that may be appalling for others so let's just be fair.
   I think people are so quick to judge someone and of course the media is thirsty; but then again I lost all respect for most media after the handling of the death of my own parents. It was if my sisters and I could not grieve in peace without the media doing something and quite honestly...think that was the first time where I learned how we perceive people and how they truly are can be quite different.
  Needless to say, I still love him regardless. He isn't perfect...but then again no one is. Is it something that I would personally do...no it isn't but that does not mean I am just going to leave a person because he does something I wouldn't agree with see to me that is so conditional and flaky. Would I worry...of course because if one thing would not wish for him to go down a much more serious path but he isn't the first celebrity [if he does in fact] or person to smoke. I mean in reality it could be photo shopped or anything so don't be so quick to make assumptions about anything we see...especially if it comes from the media.
  We should focus more on the positive aspects instead of creating rumours and chaos over irrelevant issues. I focus on the fact that he has a big heart which should be the most important thing; it just seems as if someone is trying to do something positive there are always people who are negative who try to bring that person down. But am I leaving...no way...here to stay. the end and I wouldn't want to love a perfect person anyway...perfect for people can be quite boring.....

one step at a time....

call me weird [okay, I admit I am pretty weird it's okay to say it] but I have issues with artichokes for the longest. So today, I mustered up enough courage to try some artichoke on my turkey sandwich...plus also trying to be more healthy so figured why not give it a try. The thing is...I really dislike artichokes like they are disgusting to me. So decided to try a new food for once and mean couldn't hurt...right?? Turned out it wasn't so bad. I will admit not going to eat artichokes all the time but occasionally wouldn't mind added it here or there to my sandwiches or other snacks. Artichokes...you slowly won me over..... :-p

new year new Q & A

Q: You just performed on New Years Eve...how was it?
A: It was amazing! It was my first time performing on New Years Eve so it was great to see an amazing crowd and surprisingly many Pagers!

Q: Speaking of "pagers" who and what are they?
A: It was just kind of a nickname. Pagers are basically supporters who have been there since forever and remember my early days etc.

Q: You once said you're uncomfortable calling people "fans"?
A: I am. I just feel alot of people are just like...oh those are "fans" almost as if it's derogatory and don't feel it should be that way. I just look at it as people who like to support what we do, they should be respected if it wasn't for them we couldn't do what we do.

Q: Someone once said "pagers" are also "beliebers"...finding that true?
A: I mean honestly, I think it is super cool because I am probably a belieber myself haha! But guess there is a trend mean haven't really sat down and thought about all that. But think people know how much his music inspires me [as a dancer] so it probably does correlate and personally think that is really cool. I will say that I do love and respect beliebers and will defend them to the moon and back, they're awesome don't care what anyone says.

Q: What is with the Angelina Jolie comparison? And Tori Amos?
A: I think at least when I was younger I was bullied a lot growing up. And even now sometimes people will compare me because they think it is being insulting because they are "weird". But ya know, they are amazing, big hearted, very creative, independent and outspoken women...and if that is the type of girl they want to call me thanks...love the compliments haha.

Q: You talk a lot about being bullied growing up?
A: Yes, I was. I mean I was this weird girl in school had an accent at the time so the kids made fun of me all the time because they way I sound whenever I spoke. I refused to speak in class for quite some time. Even now at times people will say things [once in a blue moon] and think now that I am older just kind of ignore it. My older sisters were teased much worse but people will always find something to make fun of a person for. I just kind of developed a Bella Swan approach been very good at blocking out negativity.

Q: Being half Eastern European...how is that?
A: Being a performer and been raised very strict Eastern Orthodox Christian/Catholic it can have its moments. Even now with my family have to kind of shield them [if that is the right way of putting it]. But honestly, I love my Eastern European heritage, my language, my culture. It's totally me who I am as a person, can't think of anything else more awesome. So yes, I love speaking and hearing Russian and the little quirks about my culture. Wouldn't change it.

Q: Speaking Russian...do you?
A: Yes. We grew up speaking French because of school but yea we know Russian as well. In my household when the entire conversation went into Russian that is when we knew it got real ha ha!

Q: Would you date a "pager"?
A: sure, why not? I think it is awesome when celebrities date "fans" so to speak. I mean think many times some put themselves on pedestals and make them feel not worthy to date but no way...can't put a boundary on relationships like that. They should be free.

Q: Plans for 2013?
A: just continue to perform and grow as a performer. I was born into this world so it feels so natural to me to be on stage performing.

Q: You come from a very musical and creative family?
A: yes. My Mum was a professional musician and runway model, like she did shows for Yves Saint Laurent, etc. My Dad was a novelist and my big brother was a lead guitarist...so music was everywhere. My sisters write. I am in between both of those worlds writing and performing. But for now, love performing

Q: Your songwriting...why so protective?
A: I started writing when I was 14. I was encouraged by my English teacher to write songs because it is how I best express myself through music. I'm protective because usually it is something that is personal to me and I tend to be fairly private so.

Q: Romeo + Juliet is about....?
A: about a boy who I have feelings for and it was written at a period where things seemed at a stand point in his life. Where is he in his life now don't know mean we can hear so much from everyone else but then again people can misconstrue a lot of things. But yea, it was written by my perspective and how was seeing the situation [at the time] is it still the same don't know, I'm not big into being in someone's private life unless that person decides to tell me but other than that kind of me looking through the glass window who is Romeo sure many would like to know but it really isn't that difficult to figure out however.

Q: Do you think songwriting is a glimpse into someone's soul?
A: absolutely. if we open our hearts and our minds we can hear the story someone is trying to tell us.just have to really listen...unfortunately we don't listen enough anymore....