I am quite certain a few will read this blog entry and jump for joy as I write this next sentence:
"I am retiring from burlesque".
Not "officially" retiring but taking a break for many reasons. One of them being I have since returned to school and being the medical field already makes for a difficult schedule to manage. Another reason is I just need a personal break from all that has been happening as of late.
I haven't posted anything about the blog which came out a few weeks ago and yes, it discusses some very private aspects of my life which I have been quiet about up until now. Since people have to run to me like cheerleaders to tell me about the blog and I've indeed read it. I am neutral with it.
I did however, a few months ago post screen shots which were sent to me by a trusted individual. We should all know and realise being adults nothing we ever post via social media is necessary "private". Anyone can easily copy and send anything we write anywhere so be conscious about who you discuss and how you talk about them everything does have a way of venturing back.
Secondly, it angers me to an extent that these individuals are claiming I am harassing and bullying therm. For one, I have not gone out of my way to contact anyone from my former burlesque troupe and possibly just once because the messages were getting to a point where it was out of control. I don't know anyone in their right mind who is older than me to write me the sort of messages they have been. Also, they need to stop playing the "victims". I don't have any "beef" with anyone of you and having beef with someone would mean that we wouldn't like one another...I just simply don't care about any of you.
Thirdly, as always my personal life has always been my business. If I don't want to talk about whom I am dating/involved with that is my choice and just live with it. I am not required to tell any person anything I don't feel comfortable doing. Live with it.
Lastly, the rumours: I'm not crazy and obsessed with anyone from my former burlesque troupe. I mean who keeps taking screen shots of my facebook and passing it among one another in attempts to humiliate me? They continue to message my friends [and for two weeks straight sent death threats to one of my best friends], and my cousin I didn't "steal" anyone's boyfriend or anything else. Just get over it.
I don't feel sad or anyway about either of them. I actually feel sorry for them. I think there is something missing in their own lives that they have to continuously belittle someone to make themselves feel better. It's low self esteem on their end actually. I'm not insecure, I'm not jealous and not a hater because really there isn't anything they have I would want. I have my own job and career; they are making themselves out to be more than what is necessary.
I am thankful for experiences in burlesque because I did learn alot about myself as a person and as a person, so it is a good bye for always just for a little bit. I do intend to perform in Trauma again next year and I actually have some projects of my own brewing. I just need to be away from that negativity.
Never give up on anything and there will always be people who don't like you for whatever reason and that is a part of life. Maybe my former burlesque troupe never liked me but at least respect me as a human being, and even with that I really don't care much about them at all.
Thursday, November 13, 2014
Thursday, October 23, 2014
News numbers, new performances, new inspirations.
I have been pretty quiet these past few months in regards to performing and things of that nature. Yes, I am still around with photo shoots and performing. I will always be a dancer, regardless of my age or anything else that is reflecting that.
These past few months have been a testing period for me and believe it or not it was re discovering myself as a person and as a performer. The typical who am I? notion and think we all go through this phase performers or not...we're all people. We all have different wants and needs in our lives and things which are important to us.
The past 7 months have been remarkably different: new relationship, new outlook on life and new outlets for being creative. I think I have grown in these past 7 months more than any experience in my life...performance wise. I also think it is who you surround yourself with which reflects a person's creative growth.
Thankfully, I have been able to surround myself around people who are incredibly talented, creative, positive and extraordinary individuals and every day I am in awe that able to create with so many amazing artists. It was rediscovering that inspiration that at a time was actually lost.
Previously, it was more so being what another person wanted me to be which did not fit me as a performer at all. There shouldn't be anything to feel ashamed of the sort of music I like, the musicians I associate myself with, or the artists I choose to create with. We all are drawn to different artists, music, performers that speak to us and for whatever reason these individuals speak me in a creative way.
Sure, we're all not perfect no one in this world is. I also think in the past much jealousy was involved. And, I never considered myself to have "haters" or people being jealous. I just always felt not everyone will like you regardless whatever it is you're doing. Yet, at the same time be mature enough and respect people for their choices. I know what I choose for myself may not be for everyone else and vice versa. Just deal with it. Honestly, now it is coming to the realisation of how people in this world can be, some negative and some positive.
I've lost someone who I thought was my best friend and this business will teach you a lot about how people truly are. All in all people will say what you've done to them, but always remember what they've done to you...strikely different stories.
I am hoping to continue this journey as a performer and there are some new things in the works. Just be positive always, and keep the flow going.
So yes, my performances are more mature and have grown with me as a person. In one week I am debuting two of these numbers. I am excited, yet nervous at the same time only because one never know how it will be received.
I am just going to keep being positive and perform. It's what I do.
xx
Natalia
These past few months have been a testing period for me and believe it or not it was re discovering myself as a person and as a performer. The typical who am I? notion and think we all go through this phase performers or not...we're all people. We all have different wants and needs in our lives and things which are important to us.
The past 7 months have been remarkably different: new relationship, new outlook on life and new outlets for being creative. I think I have grown in these past 7 months more than any experience in my life...performance wise. I also think it is who you surround yourself with which reflects a person's creative growth.
Thankfully, I have been able to surround myself around people who are incredibly talented, creative, positive and extraordinary individuals and every day I am in awe that able to create with so many amazing artists. It was rediscovering that inspiration that at a time was actually lost.
Previously, it was more so being what another person wanted me to be which did not fit me as a performer at all. There shouldn't be anything to feel ashamed of the sort of music I like, the musicians I associate myself with, or the artists I choose to create with. We all are drawn to different artists, music, performers that speak to us and for whatever reason these individuals speak me in a creative way.
Sure, we're all not perfect no one in this world is. I also think in the past much jealousy was involved. And, I never considered myself to have "haters" or people being jealous. I just always felt not everyone will like you regardless whatever it is you're doing. Yet, at the same time be mature enough and respect people for their choices. I know what I choose for myself may not be for everyone else and vice versa. Just deal with it. Honestly, now it is coming to the realisation of how people in this world can be, some negative and some positive.
I've lost someone who I thought was my best friend and this business will teach you a lot about how people truly are. All in all people will say what you've done to them, but always remember what they've done to you...strikely different stories.
I am hoping to continue this journey as a performer and there are some new things in the works. Just be positive always, and keep the flow going.
So yes, my performances are more mature and have grown with me as a person. In one week I am debuting two of these numbers. I am excited, yet nervous at the same time only because one never know how it will be received.
I am just going to keep being positive and perform. It's what I do.
xx
Natalia
Saturday, September 13, 2014
This Friday September 19
This Friday we're celebrating a number of things it's the one year anniversary of Boob Thirty every third Friday by the Columbus Burlesque Collective. I am excited to perform a new number that evening as well be a pre birthday party with the public. It will also be the last local performance for Roman and Jennifer two choreographers I've been so fortunate to collaborate with. Please come out for a special evening and special performances!! 
Friday, September 5, 2014
something in our society that happens that should stop
I never would have imagined that in this day and age I would have to post on this topic, yet it is one that continues to come up very often while discussing booking, photo shoots and the like. Technically we're in the "business" of promoting beauty of all sorts but how is that often communicated to young ladies who want to pursue burlesque, dancing, modeling or acting?
My answer is this: keep going. Why? Because even though I do not publicly discuss it I quite often face barriers from cultural to my heritage. See, my father was Ukrainian and my Mum was Native American on the other hand in appearance I look more Native than anything. Does this question people when to book me, etc? Yes, in fact it does.
More than few times I have been turned down for modeling jobs or passed up because I am not porcelain white or blonde. Even though naturally, I am a red head and have freckles I still look Native and that within itself is a hard concept for many to grasp. I have also noticed that in our [American] society we love to subject one to one category or another-- it's either white or black.
I have been told that I cannot be certain characters because I am not "white" or put in the background for casting in modeling gigs because I am not "white" by their terms. The other question I have is what does this tell the future generation and young girls of our society?
That they are not capable of playing a leading role because they are not "white" or because they don't have a certain look they are unable to be something more...that is exactly what we are expressing to young girls as a society and it is a facet of our culture I wish would stop.
The whole point of it is just that is ACTING. So, maybe we should begin telling girls "oh you cannot portray that role, you're British, the role is Italian" no one questions that but it essentially is the same concept...right?
I remember once discussing with a photographer about a gig and he wanted to cast Native American models he told me I wasn't a "fit" but he casted a blue eyed model to be "Native American". It is remarkable to me how much in American society how people are still culturally ignorant about race and other cultures.
My advice is this: a girl can be whatever or whoever she wants to be in this world and I don't care what culture or race she is from. I always thought that was the whole focus of acting...we're portraying characters not race, when we strictly do that we are further giving into the limitations of young girls in society and not to mention self esteem.
Another issue that gets me is with the advancement of special effects and make up why not cast the best suited person for that particular job? Some food for thought.
Sure, I am different than most girls in pin up and burlesque and I am proud of that absolutely nothing wrong in being different.
My answer is this: keep going. Why? Because even though I do not publicly discuss it I quite often face barriers from cultural to my heritage. See, my father was Ukrainian and my Mum was Native American on the other hand in appearance I look more Native than anything. Does this question people when to book me, etc? Yes, in fact it does.
More than few times I have been turned down for modeling jobs or passed up because I am not porcelain white or blonde. Even though naturally, I am a red head and have freckles I still look Native and that within itself is a hard concept for many to grasp. I have also noticed that in our [American] society we love to subject one to one category or another-- it's either white or black.
I have been told that I cannot be certain characters because I am not "white" or put in the background for casting in modeling gigs because I am not "white" by their terms. The other question I have is what does this tell the future generation and young girls of our society?
That they are not capable of playing a leading role because they are not "white" or because they don't have a certain look they are unable to be something more...that is exactly what we are expressing to young girls as a society and it is a facet of our culture I wish would stop.
The whole point of it is just that is ACTING. So, maybe we should begin telling girls "oh you cannot portray that role, you're British, the role is Italian" no one questions that but it essentially is the same concept...right?
I remember once discussing with a photographer about a gig and he wanted to cast Native American models he told me I wasn't a "fit" but he casted a blue eyed model to be "Native American". It is remarkable to me how much in American society how people are still culturally ignorant about race and other cultures.
My advice is this: a girl can be whatever or whoever she wants to be in this world and I don't care what culture or race she is from. I always thought that was the whole focus of acting...we're portraying characters not race, when we strictly do that we are further giving into the limitations of young girls in society and not to mention self esteem.
Another issue that gets me is with the advancement of special effects and make up why not cast the best suited person for that particular job? Some food for thought.
Sure, I am different than most girls in pin up and burlesque and I am proud of that absolutely nothing wrong in being different.
Monday, August 25, 2014
My Secret Project
I have been thinking for quite some time about performing a number to this band. See, not only the song but the bandmates are extremely important to me they are my surrogate big brothers and have watched me (literally) grow up. I cannot thank them enough for all of the experiences and I learned so much about performing and being an artist, couldn't have picked a better person than my older brother.
Thank you and much love
Little Sis
Natalia
Orbit - Mayday(Embassy): http://youtu.be/14j7NaZRNxk
Friday, August 22, 2014
Answering the Race Debate
This is a topic which truly hits home for me and for some it has actually been a debate and questions surrounding it. Also, over the past couple months I have been getting some "hate" regarding the race issue and being a performer I come across transcending stereotypes, prejudices and misconceptions from a great deal of people.
I also think that as part of our society [and human nature] we feel more comfortable "labeling" others and if someone does not fall into one particular category it makes us question entirely our society. We live in a very black and white culture...literally and for most people a person almost has to be one or the other.
So this brings up the debate about my heritage and some have even criticised me on the notion [you know, the whole "delusional" thing lol] about my ethnicity. Well, the only way I can describe it is this way:
My family is alittle bit like the singer Shakira [her family is Lebanese but she was born and raised in Columbia] so it was almost the same concept. My sisters and I were born in Thailand a small suburb so to speak of Bangkok. Culturally, my Dad was Ukrainian and my Mum was Native American; my Dad because of his work with the US government and the military my sisters and I were born there. My sisters are much older than I am 12-15 years older so they decided to remain there and attend college; they've lived in Thailand much longer and if fact consider themselves Asian and Thai. There had even been questions about myself as to whether I do the same and not necessary.
I think most of this is because being the youngest I came to the United States when I was still a baby for the most part [about 2 years old] so I have very few memories of Thailand unlike my older siblings. They feel more comfortable there and with Thai culture and I have respect for that and I can understand it must be difficult coming here different language, adjusting to a difficult culture people don't realise how difficult that is. I saw this with my sisters and my relatives who are from Ukraine and Eastern European.
So racially what do I identify as? I identify myself as a human being first and foremost and I feel more connected to my Native heritage I've been lucky to have parents from two amazing cultures and histories but yes I do feel more "Native" if people want me to fully disclose. Yes, I do speak and read Russian and Ukrainian, I am an Eastern Orthodox Christian but racially, I identify as Native.
Some people want to criticise this and that is fine, people will always have their own opinions and I cannot make people see things from my point of view and vice versa. I do know many will try to market me as African-American etc and it doesn't offend me but does it feel uncomfortable somewhat because it is not who I am as a person, instead try to "market" me as a human being. I think people make race too much of everything a person is talented, they're talented and I think continuing to label people with race only divides us even more.
Promote humanity instead of race. Think it can be far more effective.
I also think that as part of our society [and human nature] we feel more comfortable "labeling" others and if someone does not fall into one particular category it makes us question entirely our society. We live in a very black and white culture...literally and for most people a person almost has to be one or the other.
So this brings up the debate about my heritage and some have even criticised me on the notion [you know, the whole "delusional" thing lol] about my ethnicity. Well, the only way I can describe it is this way:
My family is alittle bit like the singer Shakira [her family is Lebanese but she was born and raised in Columbia] so it was almost the same concept. My sisters and I were born in Thailand a small suburb so to speak of Bangkok. Culturally, my Dad was Ukrainian and my Mum was Native American; my Dad because of his work with the US government and the military my sisters and I were born there. My sisters are much older than I am 12-15 years older so they decided to remain there and attend college; they've lived in Thailand much longer and if fact consider themselves Asian and Thai. There had even been questions about myself as to whether I do the same and not necessary.
I think most of this is because being the youngest I came to the United States when I was still a baby for the most part [about 2 years old] so I have very few memories of Thailand unlike my older siblings. They feel more comfortable there and with Thai culture and I have respect for that and I can understand it must be difficult coming here different language, adjusting to a difficult culture people don't realise how difficult that is. I saw this with my sisters and my relatives who are from Ukraine and Eastern European.
So racially what do I identify as? I identify myself as a human being first and foremost and I feel more connected to my Native heritage I've been lucky to have parents from two amazing cultures and histories but yes I do feel more "Native" if people want me to fully disclose. Yes, I do speak and read Russian and Ukrainian, I am an Eastern Orthodox Christian but racially, I identify as Native.
Some people want to criticise this and that is fine, people will always have their own opinions and I cannot make people see things from my point of view and vice versa. I do know many will try to market me as African-American etc and it doesn't offend me but does it feel uncomfortable somewhat because it is not who I am as a person, instead try to "market" me as a human being. I think people make race too much of everything a person is talented, they're talented and I think continuing to label people with race only divides us even more.
Promote humanity instead of race. Think it can be far more effective.
Thursday, July 31, 2014
Nurse Problems
When "It's shitty" can be an appropiate response to how was your night?
You forget what television looks like
Drinking pop out of a graduate seems normal to you
Your wardrobe consists of nothing but scrubs
You listen and count your significant other's respirations while sleeping
You have an active debate with your pharmacist about your prescription
You already know your diagnosis before going to the doctor
You have a list of doctors/nurses you want caring for you
Develop a warped sense of humour
House seems so unrealistic
Judge films and can tell where the mistakes are in forensic scenes
Band aids fix everything
Your purse is filled as a first aid kit
Anything that sounds like an alarm sends you into Olympic sprint mode
All your shoes are sneakers
Able to successfully make everyone sick at the dinner table
Know all about sedatives
Ativan and Haldol become your best friends at work
Friday, July 25, 2014
Q&A
Once again thank you so much for the awesome questions and comments it was great to read what so many of you thought of the World Cup!
Q: How old were you when you began dancing?
A: I started dancing at age 6, then I minored in dance while in college. I still dance and take classes with a professional dance company as well became a professional burlesque performer recently.
Q: What kind of dance do you do?
A: I was trained in modern and ballet and I still love to dance those two genres. I am also a burlesque dancer I actually have grown to love all three equally.
Q: How often do you travel?
A: It depends on my photoshoot schedule typically. Many occasions I will travel depending upon that or which other projects I may have at the moment. I do love to travel think it is interesting because able to explore so many different places and people.
Q: Favorite city to travel to?
A: Toronto my second home and Atlanta. I also love Florida because I attended college down there.
Q: What is on your playlist right now?
A: Of Verona, Mayday, Now the Rabbit, Yuna, Banks just to name a few
Q: What is going on with the hacker rumors?
A: I for one, nor anyone else I know did not hack anyone's account. What I posted where screen shots which were sent to me by a mutual friend. I just feel it is social media nothing is ever really "private" we should be more aware about what we post online. We never know who is reading or has access.
Q: Thoughts of bullies?
A: I don't think of myself as "bullied" or a victim. People may not like me nor do I expect everyone else to really I never cared what others thought of me but when a person mocks deceased family members or be completely disrespectful to my boyfriend yea I feel that is crossing the line.
Q: What about the "hate" your boyfriend has been getting?
A: I think he is an amazing person and obviously doesn't deserve any of it. He is one of the nicest people I know and people don't have to agree or even like our relationship but still respect his and mine privacy and our privacy as a couple. Yea those comments were really uncalled for.
Q: What do you want to say to the "haters"?
A: Nothing actually. Like I said, not everyone will like me or be my friend that is a part of life but don't say things or write things online and not expect a reaction from it, especially when it isn't even true.
Q: What about slander?
A: I haven't slandered anyone. Those were comments they wrote themselves. Be adults and live with their actions. It'd be different if I wrote online they wrote those things when they didn't. Someone sent me those screen shots because they thought it was wrong and I should have a right to defend myself. Other than that not wasting time on it.
Q: You have 3 new numbers what are they?
A: It's kind of a secret for now. But yes, I am working on 3 new numbers and they are a bit personal than in the past. They are also more in tune with how I want to be as a performer and my dancing style. I am very pleased with how they are turning out. I have so much more creative freedom it's awesome.
Q: How are your numbers going to be different?
A: It's less hip hop. Nothing wrong with hip hop but that is most definitely not me. It's not who I am as a performer. I think I was kind of pressured to be hip hop because to fit the mold and people wanted to look "diverse" but yea it isn't my thing and that is not a bad thing I just wasn't comfortable as a performer.
Q: Do you want to keep doing burlesque?
A: For the time being yes, but not like I was. I was performing every week and now it is nice. I have time to spend with my boyfriend and Godkids so it makes it nice.
Q: How many Godkids do you have?
A: I have 2 a girl and a boy. My Goddaughter follows me every where even in the dance studio. She has told me she wants to be a dancer too, it's the cutest thing!!
Q: You have your own burlesque troupe now what is it?
A: it's called Dreamchaser Burlesque. When I "retire" from performing I will put more into running the troupe and recruiting more performers but for the time being enjoying what it is.
Q: Why do people think you're "famous"?
A: I have no idea why that rumour started. I never said I was or acted as if I was. I just enjoy dancing and performing even if it is one or two people who get my performances that makes me happy. It isn't about "fame" for me never has been. I just want to make people smile in one way or another.
Q: What about your family and being a socialite?
A: I think this is where the "famous" rumours stem from. I haven't made up anything about my family. I have been fortunate to come from a very artistic and creative family. I am not ashamed of it. my big brother has had an amazing music career and I am so proud of him and his bandmates. They all work so hard and deserve all the goodness.
Q: Do you consider yourself a socialite?
A: I consider myself an artist just trying to make art
Q: How old would you be if you weren't how old you are now?
A: I am happy with where I am now. I didn't like myself younger. I've grown a lot since.
Q: How old were you when you began dancing?
A: I started dancing at age 6, then I minored in dance while in college. I still dance and take classes with a professional dance company as well became a professional burlesque performer recently.
Q: What kind of dance do you do?
A: I was trained in modern and ballet and I still love to dance those two genres. I am also a burlesque dancer I actually have grown to love all three equally.
Q: How often do you travel?
A: It depends on my photoshoot schedule typically. Many occasions I will travel depending upon that or which other projects I may have at the moment. I do love to travel think it is interesting because able to explore so many different places and people.
Q: Favorite city to travel to?
A: Toronto my second home and Atlanta. I also love Florida because I attended college down there.
Q: What is on your playlist right now?
A: Of Verona, Mayday, Now the Rabbit, Yuna, Banks just to name a few
Q: What is going on with the hacker rumors?
A: I for one, nor anyone else I know did not hack anyone's account. What I posted where screen shots which were sent to me by a mutual friend. I just feel it is social media nothing is ever really "private" we should be more aware about what we post online. We never know who is reading or has access.
Q: Thoughts of bullies?
A: I don't think of myself as "bullied" or a victim. People may not like me nor do I expect everyone else to really I never cared what others thought of me but when a person mocks deceased family members or be completely disrespectful to my boyfriend yea I feel that is crossing the line.
Q: What about the "hate" your boyfriend has been getting?
A: I think he is an amazing person and obviously doesn't deserve any of it. He is one of the nicest people I know and people don't have to agree or even like our relationship but still respect his and mine privacy and our privacy as a couple. Yea those comments were really uncalled for.
Q: What do you want to say to the "haters"?
A: Nothing actually. Like I said, not everyone will like me or be my friend that is a part of life but don't say things or write things online and not expect a reaction from it, especially when it isn't even true.
Q: What about slander?
A: I haven't slandered anyone. Those were comments they wrote themselves. Be adults and live with their actions. It'd be different if I wrote online they wrote those things when they didn't. Someone sent me those screen shots because they thought it was wrong and I should have a right to defend myself. Other than that not wasting time on it.
Q: You have 3 new numbers what are they?
A: It's kind of a secret for now. But yes, I am working on 3 new numbers and they are a bit personal than in the past. They are also more in tune with how I want to be as a performer and my dancing style. I am very pleased with how they are turning out. I have so much more creative freedom it's awesome.
Q: How are your numbers going to be different?
A: It's less hip hop. Nothing wrong with hip hop but that is most definitely not me. It's not who I am as a performer. I think I was kind of pressured to be hip hop because to fit the mold and people wanted to look "diverse" but yea it isn't my thing and that is not a bad thing I just wasn't comfortable as a performer.
Q: Do you want to keep doing burlesque?
A: For the time being yes, but not like I was. I was performing every week and now it is nice. I have time to spend with my boyfriend and Godkids so it makes it nice.
Q: How many Godkids do you have?
A: I have 2 a girl and a boy. My Goddaughter follows me every where even in the dance studio. She has told me she wants to be a dancer too, it's the cutest thing!!
Q: You have your own burlesque troupe now what is it?
A: it's called Dreamchaser Burlesque. When I "retire" from performing I will put more into running the troupe and recruiting more performers but for the time being enjoying what it is.
Q: Why do people think you're "famous"?
A: I have no idea why that rumour started. I never said I was or acted as if I was. I just enjoy dancing and performing even if it is one or two people who get my performances that makes me happy. It isn't about "fame" for me never has been. I just want to make people smile in one way or another.
Q: What about your family and being a socialite?
A: I think this is where the "famous" rumours stem from. I haven't made up anything about my family. I have been fortunate to come from a very artistic and creative family. I am not ashamed of it. my big brother has had an amazing music career and I am so proud of him and his bandmates. They all work so hard and deserve all the goodness.
Q: Do you consider yourself a socialite?
A: I consider myself an artist just trying to make art
Q: How old would you be if you weren't how old you are now?
A: I am happy with where I am now. I didn't like myself younger. I've grown a lot since.
Friday, July 11, 2014
Confidence is
When I was younger I always compared myself to others and measured my self worth by what I thought they had more of and I didn't. Confidence is being comfortable with who you are as a person; money, car material possessions don't define a person's worth it is being okay with what you have.
Comparison is one of the biggest self esteem destroyers because we always think of ways we fall short be in love with yourself. That is by far the greatest treasure. Confidence is humility, knowing when you are wrong and own your responsibilities, it's not putting down others so you can feel better about yourself.
That is what makes a woman confident.
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
A Thank You
If there is anything it is quite easy to become caught up in negative emotions and other events which take such precedence in our lives. I am like most a human being as is everyone and despite what people say, I never thought of myself as a "celebrity" or "famous". I always thought of myself as a person doing what she loves which is dancing and being fortunate enough to be surrounded by amazing, creative and talented individuals.
Why is this such a bad thing is beyond me. Not everyone will like me and that is perfectly all right. I don't expect everyone to like me that is a fact of life. However, writing such horrible comments about my personal life, my family, and my loved ones is crossing the line; it does not bother me if a person talks about me. I ignore it yet when it is women who are between the ages of 40-50 sending me harassing messages via facebook and twitter it makes me re examine what we are becoming as a society.
These women are much older than I am by 15-20 years shouldn't they be providing an example for young women especially being a pin up model and a burlesque performer? It is also a reminder that as individuals myself included need to take responsibility for our own actions and how we conduct ourselves online. Bullying does not stop once we finish high school it still can continue and my experience has been proof of that.
Granted we may have our differences but the constant bashing is un necessary. Thankfully, I am constantly surrounded by positive people in my life who I am so thankful for and can honestly say I am proud they are my "burlesque aunties".
I don't have any mean things to say towards anyone and for the record no I haven't slandered anyone those are comments these individuals write and published themselves. I am not making myself a victim by any means nor do I feel I am one. But, I am a human being and have feelings I see what people write online and even if it's "private" or not it is still subjected to being made public regardless what we think.
I am looking forward to creating 3 new numbers in the dance studio and preparing for Trauma in a few months as well so from here on out allowing the positive outweigh the negatives.
Why is this such a bad thing is beyond me. Not everyone will like me and that is perfectly all right. I don't expect everyone to like me that is a fact of life. However, writing such horrible comments about my personal life, my family, and my loved ones is crossing the line; it does not bother me if a person talks about me. I ignore it yet when it is women who are between the ages of 40-50 sending me harassing messages via facebook and twitter it makes me re examine what we are becoming as a society.
These women are much older than I am by 15-20 years shouldn't they be providing an example for young women especially being a pin up model and a burlesque performer? It is also a reminder that as individuals myself included need to take responsibility for our own actions and how we conduct ourselves online. Bullying does not stop once we finish high school it still can continue and my experience has been proof of that.
Granted we may have our differences but the constant bashing is un necessary. Thankfully, I am constantly surrounded by positive people in my life who I am so thankful for and can honestly say I am proud they are my "burlesque aunties".
I don't have any mean things to say towards anyone and for the record no I haven't slandered anyone those are comments these individuals write and published themselves. I am not making myself a victim by any means nor do I feel I am one. But, I am a human being and have feelings I see what people write online and even if it's "private" or not it is still subjected to being made public regardless what we think.
I am looking forward to creating 3 new numbers in the dance studio and preparing for Trauma in a few months as well so from here on out allowing the positive outweigh the negatives.
Monday, June 30, 2014
An Update
I just want to post an update from my two previous blogs which were posted today. I want to clarify some things: I did not hack anyone's account these were sent to me by someone who felt not only is this sort of behaviour is wrong and uncalled for. I actually thought long and hard about posting this as for one it is discussing an issue which is extremely private.
This is something I have experienced since being in the troupe and I by no means wanted to write an "exposed" blog however that is crossing the line. I never posted anything about them online in a negative way as they have done nor have I messaged any of their friends with threats etc.
People should also take into account that what we post on social media sites can be made public and does have a way of getting out eventually. This is why being adults we need to be more responsible about what we post and write on Facebook, twitter etc. It never is as "private" as we think it is. Own up to your actions .
Furthermore when a grown woman text messages someone my age calling me fat and that I need a boob job really should not be on social media sites it is tragic when a grown woman that age behaves in that manner.
I've moved on from this experience and speaking of why are they still to this day taking screen shots of my facebook to begin with?
So for the record no I did not nor anyone else I know hack anyone's account and "slander" would be if I made false statements in which case I haven't.
People focus on something positive instead of negatives.
I know I am and never allow anyone to make you feel bad about yourself there is more to a person than looks and material possessions. Self worth is beyond that.
You've Kept Your Hands Cleans Cont'd
I am sharing this because despite what people say I have not spoken to these individuals in 4 months or more yet still continue to receive these sorts of messages and even worse one performer I haven't even met and doubt she has even seen me perform and I have no idea who she is. Either way never allow hate, jealousy or pettiness take you away from your dreams regardless how big or small. Stay positive always
You've Kept Your Hands Clean
First, I would like to say that no one should feel bullied or endure verbal or mental abuse by anyone. What we also need to realise as a society relational aggression still exists and is very real. Oftentimes we ignore relational aggression because it is more emotional and verbal abuse as oppose to physical bullying.
I find it more disturbing when this behaviour comes from individuals my age and older because at that age I feel one is more aware of their actions and the repercussions of what words etc can do to another individual.
Being a performer receiving hate is something to expect anymore these days because not everyone is going to like what you do as a performer. I never allowed what others say affect me too much someone will always find something to criticise about.
For the longest I wasn't certain if I wanted to make these messages and posts public more out of ignoring it maybe it will stop yet it continues. I also decided to come out about this to let others know a) this behaviour is not okay and will not be accepted and b) maybe it will emcourage others to speak up about bullying. No matter how we look at the situation it is bullying. It can be embarrassing, yes but if we don't start making changes it will continue.
Burlesque can be a beautiful art form and it should experienced by all cultures and gender. I got into burlesque because was inspired by my experience in dance and wanting to show girls and women it is okay to be different and still be beautiful.
I know that won't always happen but at least if you are in a position of leadership be professional and don't have to like me not everyone will but can at least respect one another as performers and individuals.
Speaking of being performers and "public figures" we should take into account that people will follow whomever they like and that is fine. But I have had this done to me and seen other performers insult each other or will purposely send their "fans" to send hate towards others.
Social media has fuel relational aggression more than any other outlet. Sure we can't control what people say about others but when you purposely go out of your way to make horrible and disrespectful remarks or when it resorts to threats etc then it is a problem.
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
Q&A Longtime!
Hey Lovelies,
It has been a while since I've blogged or even have done a Q & A but I still see your questions please continue to send them to my ask!! Thank you all for sending amazing questions and for being patient.
much love,
Natalia
Q: Would you rather give bad advice or receive bad advice?
A: That is a tough one! Honestly, I have been on both sides and we're all human so we make mistakes one way or the other. I just try to look at life as a learning experience and just pray that whatever isn't too bad, really all we can do.
Q: Favorite city?
A: I absolutely love NYC and Toronto possibly my two most favourite cities in the world. Toronto has become like a second home to me, so yes I consider myself Canadian!!
Q: Favorite Michael Jackson song?
A: Human Nature and Off the Wall. I think the lyrics to Human Nature are so profound in their own way.
Q: Do you like Paramore?
A: YES!!!! Hayley Williams is stunning and love them completely.
Q: Will you attend any Dita von Teese shows this September?
Q: Would you rather give bad advice or receive bad advice?
A: That is a tough one! Honestly, I have been on both sides and we're all human so we make mistakes one way or the other. I just try to look at life as a learning experience and just pray that whatever isn't too bad, really all we can do.
Q: Favorite city?
A: I absolutely love NYC and Toronto possibly my two most favourite cities in the world. Toronto has become like a second home to me, so yes I consider myself Canadian!!
Q: Favorite Michael Jackson song?
A: Human Nature and Off the Wall. I think the lyrics to Human Nature are so profound in their own way.
Q: Do you like Paramore?
A: YES!!!! Hayley Williams is stunning and love them completely.
Q: Will you attend any Dita von Teese shows this September?
A: Absolutely! I am sad this will be the final dates, but I am hoping to get a chance to meet my idol the lovely Dita.
Q: New burlesque troupe and numbers?
A: Yes to both! Although I am not in a troupe per say. I am now an independent performer but I am in a group which allows independent performers to come together and spread positivity which is what burlesque is all about.
Q: What was it like returning to the stage?
A: I was nervous given it had been a couple months since I had performed. I am thankful for the warm reception and of course the support has been incredible.
Q: What about fake Facebook profiles?
A: To clear up the confusion: there is one profile that my cousin runs and she uses that to promote events when I am performing and the causes I am involved with. Secondly, I mainly use my twitter, FB page or tumblr to update any information mainly twitter. But for the record: www.facebook.com/nataliapage13 is me on Facebook I do have an account I use on FB but prefer twitter or tumblr.
Q: Do you have a boyfriend?
A: Yes, I do.
Q: Is dating hard being a burlesque performer?
A: In the past it has been yes. It was difficult dating and modeling in the past, but the idea is to find someone who is completely supportive and maintaining that balance between the two hence why I am scaling back performing/traveling. I have no regrets at all but something has to give you know? It's just finding compromises all relationships take work regardless performing or not.
Q: Favorite restaurant?
A: Depends on my mood!! I love to travel and that means exploring different foods, but I love Tex Mex mean being raised in Texas love Mexican food! Since being in Ohio I am developing a liking for German food!
Q: New burlesque troupe and numbers?
A: Yes to both! Although I am not in a troupe per say. I am now an independent performer but I am in a group which allows independent performers to come together and spread positivity which is what burlesque is all about.
Q: What was it like returning to the stage?
A: I was nervous given it had been a couple months since I had performed. I am thankful for the warm reception and of course the support has been incredible.
Q: What about fake Facebook profiles?
A: To clear up the confusion: there is one profile that my cousin runs and she uses that to promote events when I am performing and the causes I am involved with. Secondly, I mainly use my twitter, FB page or tumblr to update any information mainly twitter. But for the record: www.facebook.com/nataliapage13 is me on Facebook I do have an account I use on FB but prefer twitter or tumblr.
Q: Do you have a boyfriend?
A: Yes, I do.
Q: Is dating hard being a burlesque performer?
A: In the past it has been yes. It was difficult dating and modeling in the past, but the idea is to find someone who is completely supportive and maintaining that balance between the two hence why I am scaling back performing/traveling. I have no regrets at all but something has to give you know? It's just finding compromises all relationships take work regardless performing or not.
Q: Favorite restaurant?
A: Depends on my mood!! I love to travel and that means exploring different foods, but I love Tex Mex mean being raised in Texas love Mexican food! Since being in Ohio I am developing a liking for German food!
Friday, June 6, 2014
Performance and Appearance Schedule for June
Appearances:
June 11 The Patio [at the Continent]
June 27 Comfest
June 29 Circus Legs & Eggs Brunch
Performances
June 20 Ace of Cups
see you all soon
xoxo
Natalia
June 11 The Patio [at the Continent]
June 27 Comfest
June 29 Circus Legs & Eggs Brunch
Performances
June 20 Ace of Cups
see you all soon
xoxo
Natalia
How Do I Even Get Started A Pin Up Girl's Guide
For a while I have been asked the question by many young women who are looking to embark upon the wonderful world of pin up modeling [or modeling in general] and where to get started. I will be the first to admit that it is not easy and it requires a great deal of work as well willingness to put yourself out there for the general public.
Here are some ideas that helped me get started:
1. Group Shoots
I liked these ideas especially if new to modeling because it does give a model a chance to network and shoot with an array of photographers. Each geographic area has different ideas about group shoots ; even if you don't get booked with photographers at that particular event it is a good idea to go network [have business cards handy] and if a photographer has a cancellation you can very easily talk with photographers about being a last minute fill in. This will get your feet in the water as well investigate what genre of modeling works for you and what you wish to pursue.
2. Networking
Do not be afraid to use Facebook, Model Mayhem, etc to network for photoshoots. However, use extreme caution and common sense when networking [as well any photoshoot]. I would suggest to always bring a chaperone and it is just a matter of safety for the model and the photographer. Screen potential photographers, research if looking through a portfolio and it is mostly nudes more than likely this is what the photographer shoots. If a photographer still wishes to work with me [and he or she primarily does nudes] I disclose the information that absolutely no nudes. Photographers need to respect wishes as well. If a model expresses no nudes, etc do not press the issue. Some models wish to pose nude while others do not it is a personal preference do not force it.
3. Trial and Error
It is okay to experiment with different looks to further grasp what area you want to go into as a model. Some ladies experiment with alternative modeling and love it, while others wish to go the route of editorial or high fashion. Find what you are comfortable with and pursue that. Everyone has their approach to modeling and fashion there truly is something for everyone.
4. Support System
It is nice to have a support system of any kind because it can be stressful and time consuming. Knowing that there are people who will back you is great and also can help with promoting and networking. Keeping that balance is also important because this industry can be a handful to deal with.
5. Rejection
Don't be afraid of it. Rejection is something that happens regularly in the entertainment industry be it dancer, model, actor, artist...it just happens. Think of yourself as anchovies some people will love it others may not. There will also be people who may think your art form is the absolute worst, but I say if you reach at least one person that is enough at least for me anyway. Even if you have 10 people who follow your career be proud of that and own it.
6. Fandoms
Yes, even if you build yourself up locally you can have your own and nothing to be ashamed of. Just as we have people who support various local bands etc, the same applies to modeling. Just know that you may people who will think you're great, stalk you or absolutely detest you. It is all part of how the industry works. Learn to not allow what others think affect you a great deal [why a support system is handy]
7. Management, etc
If you feel you are to that point in your career choose a manager whom you trust and will have your best interest and knows your wishes and respects them. Also know that this is a business so do not take anything personally on most days [sad but true]
8. Overexposure
With Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, Instagram etc I see a great deal of models going for the overkill. Meaning every 5 seconds they are posting "selfies" etc in an attempt to gain exposure. People do it so much so that it not going to lie becomes annoying. You want people to listen and capture an audience not annoy them every 10 seconds with flyers, yes it is important but don't overkill with it.
9. Believe
Have confidence in yourself and your talent but also be humble about it. Arrogance will not win people over but never forget those who helped in the long run. Know that the road is long and hard and doesn't get easier.
10. Join Groups
One way to get started is to join local modeling groups which do charity/humanitarian work. It also puts your name out in a professional manner, but doing good for others in the process; I feel it is a rewarding experience and it helps teach others what it should be about...helping others feel great about themselves and helping yourself grow in the process.
Here are some ideas that helped me get started:
1. Group Shoots
I liked these ideas especially if new to modeling because it does give a model a chance to network and shoot with an array of photographers. Each geographic area has different ideas about group shoots ; even if you don't get booked with photographers at that particular event it is a good idea to go network [have business cards handy] and if a photographer has a cancellation you can very easily talk with photographers about being a last minute fill in. This will get your feet in the water as well investigate what genre of modeling works for you and what you wish to pursue.
2. Networking
Do not be afraid to use Facebook, Model Mayhem, etc to network for photoshoots. However, use extreme caution and common sense when networking [as well any photoshoot]. I would suggest to always bring a chaperone and it is just a matter of safety for the model and the photographer. Screen potential photographers, research if looking through a portfolio and it is mostly nudes more than likely this is what the photographer shoots. If a photographer still wishes to work with me [and he or she primarily does nudes] I disclose the information that absolutely no nudes. Photographers need to respect wishes as well. If a model expresses no nudes, etc do not press the issue. Some models wish to pose nude while others do not it is a personal preference do not force it.
3. Trial and Error
It is okay to experiment with different looks to further grasp what area you want to go into as a model. Some ladies experiment with alternative modeling and love it, while others wish to go the route of editorial or high fashion. Find what you are comfortable with and pursue that. Everyone has their approach to modeling and fashion there truly is something for everyone.
4. Support System
It is nice to have a support system of any kind because it can be stressful and time consuming. Knowing that there are people who will back you is great and also can help with promoting and networking. Keeping that balance is also important because this industry can be a handful to deal with.
5. Rejection
Don't be afraid of it. Rejection is something that happens regularly in the entertainment industry be it dancer, model, actor, artist...it just happens. Think of yourself as anchovies some people will love it others may not. There will also be people who may think your art form is the absolute worst, but I say if you reach at least one person that is enough at least for me anyway. Even if you have 10 people who follow your career be proud of that and own it.
6. Fandoms
Yes, even if you build yourself up locally you can have your own and nothing to be ashamed of. Just as we have people who support various local bands etc, the same applies to modeling. Just know that you may people who will think you're great, stalk you or absolutely detest you. It is all part of how the industry works. Learn to not allow what others think affect you a great deal [why a support system is handy]
7. Management, etc
If you feel you are to that point in your career choose a manager whom you trust and will have your best interest and knows your wishes and respects them. Also know that this is a business so do not take anything personally on most days [sad but true]
8. Overexposure
With Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, Instagram etc I see a great deal of models going for the overkill. Meaning every 5 seconds they are posting "selfies" etc in an attempt to gain exposure. People do it so much so that it not going to lie becomes annoying. You want people to listen and capture an audience not annoy them every 10 seconds with flyers, yes it is important but don't overkill with it.
9. Believe
Have confidence in yourself and your talent but also be humble about it. Arrogance will not win people over but never forget those who helped in the long run. Know that the road is long and hard and doesn't get easier.
10. Join Groups
One way to get started is to join local modeling groups which do charity/humanitarian work. It also puts your name out in a professional manner, but doing good for others in the process; I feel it is a rewarding experience and it helps teach others what it should be about...helping others feel great about themselves and helping yourself grow in the process.
Monday, April 28, 2014
Answering the Retirement Rumours
"People have been asking me as of late when am I to perform again? There is no simple or easy answer to that question; I continue to tell myself ‘I will perform again when I am ready’? Now the question remains am I ever going to be ‘ready’ to dance again? The thought of leaving dance has never been an option for me as I will always be a dancer it has been a part of me since I was a young child, yet this latest experience has made me question the very essence of dance as an art and as a lifestyle. Some may call it the ‘Black Swan’ effect. I find myself asking the questions what is the purpose of pursuing ‘fame’ and ‘attention’ if there is nothing to fully show for it? Sure, the attention is nice but always there is something lacking in the atmosphere in the dance community where I am in currently. Dance has always been a beautiful form of communication and in past interviews I've expressed that I would ‘retire’ from burlesque once I felt burned out or if things progressed in my personal life to where I wanted to focus more on those things. My loved ones are important and dance will always be there for me never without a doubt in this, but was everything all worth it in the end? I don’t have any regrets and I am not ‘retiring’, I will perform burlesque again but it will be on my terms as it should always be. I want to be the sort of performer that I am enjoying my art I was being someone I wasn't and never felt comfortable. I’m not a hip hop person nor am I to be a marketing ploy for others. I am so grateful for the Pagers, Beliebers, Arianators who have been so incredibly supportive and I love them all from the bottom of my heart. So for now, I will continue to perform and enjoying these moments and however far it will take me.”
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
Ready to Perform Again
After intentionally taking almost two months off from performing I am ready to get back into the swing of things as a burlesque performer. But, there are some things I would like to express in the meantime:
I only intend to do 2 shows a month 3 maximum and this is due to my other personal obligations
Please ensure there is security at venues and no not bodyguards etc that isn't necessarily but ensure that I and more importantly others feel safe attending the venue.
Tipping. I know some performers are big about audience members tipping, I look at it this way I am there to entertain the audience tipping is nice yes however I will not enforce tipping. I am performing and doing what I love yet if other performers should I participate in a show with require tipping please be respectful and tip them. They all work so hard on costuming, rehearsing, etc so please be respectful of each individual performer's requests
If you are looking just to see "boobs" or girls get naked, I am probably not the sort of performer you wish to see. I have no issues with nudity but I do not make that the center point of my performances. There is more to burlesque than just taking clothes off it is an art form and a way of entertaining the crowd it is the teasing and sadly previously, many have missed this point. Therefore, if you are familiar with my previous performances and troupe things will be hugely different.
Booking inquiries can be made at natalie_page@ymail.com for further information arrangements can be made via email or contact me via twitter @nataliepage13
I am open to travel occasionally depending on the show/venue as well who else performing with.
Bottom line, I think performing is all about having a great time on stage and entertaining the crowd this is what burlesque should be at least in my opinion.
xoxo
Natalie
I only intend to do 2 shows a month 3 maximum and this is due to my other personal obligations
Please ensure there is security at venues and no not bodyguards etc that isn't necessarily but ensure that I and more importantly others feel safe attending the venue.
Tipping. I know some performers are big about audience members tipping, I look at it this way I am there to entertain the audience tipping is nice yes however I will not enforce tipping. I am performing and doing what I love yet if other performers should I participate in a show with require tipping please be respectful and tip them. They all work so hard on costuming, rehearsing, etc so please be respectful of each individual performer's requests
If you are looking just to see "boobs" or girls get naked, I am probably not the sort of performer you wish to see. I have no issues with nudity but I do not make that the center point of my performances. There is more to burlesque than just taking clothes off it is an art form and a way of entertaining the crowd it is the teasing and sadly previously, many have missed this point. Therefore, if you are familiar with my previous performances and troupe things will be hugely different.
Booking inquiries can be made at natalie_page@ymail.com for further information arrangements can be made via email or contact me via twitter @nataliepage13
I am open to travel occasionally depending on the show/venue as well who else performing with.
Bottom line, I think performing is all about having a great time on stage and entertaining the crowd this is what burlesque should be at least in my opinion.
xoxo
Natalie
Friday, April 18, 2014
My Love/Hate Relationship with Burlesque
For quite some time now I had been debating with myself and others whether to respond in regards to everything that has happened in the last month and half. Sometimes, I feel with me ignoring things and what people say to me or about me and those close to me it gives them the initiative to take things further than necessary.
About a month and half ago now I left my burlesque troupe; honestly, it was not an easy decision because of all the issues involved but in actuality I knew it was something that would happen eventually. I was preparing myself for quite some time for the moment I would leave my troupe and despite how it appeared to the public it was not a happy or positive experience for me in the long run.
Ultimately, I left the troupe because of some things that were said. Granted, I made a comment on my own personal facebook account [which I am at liberty to do so] and it was in reference to no one in particular a general statement. Now, I know many talk about how people make vague statuses about people or will shade people, yet I am more of a direct person if there is something I need to say or express I will do so. One example is my closest friends and I will make inside jokes around Tori Amos lyrics it's been something we have done for as long as I have known them which is quite a long time.
Drama is not my thing. The friends I have and communicate with on facebook, twitter etc I have known for YEARS. I've always been the type of person to maintain friendships for an extremely long period of time...I don't friend hop or be friends with a person out of hype, never have and never will. So when someone asks me to "choose" between people I have known for years versus the troupe of course I am choosing my long term friends.
Wait, I digress [and this blog is a mess, apologies] When someone makes really inappropriate remarks about one of my friends who is one of the most talented, generous person I know of course my friends will take offense to it. My friends work just as hard as I do and they've accomplished a great deal and I could not be any more proud to say that these people inspire me and fuel my own creativity as an artist. They are also individuals I learn a great deal from. Naturally, my friends will defend one another just as I will defend my friends we have each other's back.
Now when a person is about 40 years old and sending threats and hate towards a person who is my age and younger it would make any sane person question the emotional maturity and sanity of that individual. I mean really, who does that? When you are almost 10-20 years older than us one would think that people emotionally mature but I have learned no they don't.
I am not writing this blog to bash one person or group but people need to take a look at their behaviour towards others and truly question if they are being good people when in fact they are not. What most people do not realise that the entire time I was in my troupe I have been sent threats, harassing messages from other performers both in my troupe and not in my troupe. I still continued to perform because if I stopped those who doubted me would win, those who sent me hate/threats would win. Maybe it is out of my own stubbornness who knows.
Another issue is my personal life and who I was supposedly "dating". For one, it is not for any of them to discuss who I am involved with romantically and I guess because I choreograph and performed to songs by a certain singer that means we're dating which isn't the case. I purposely avoided those questions because we should be focused on his music and we should be focused on me as an entertainer. If there is one thing I did learn from him was how to handle all of the negativity because he also receives so much and if anything he helped me to be strong in all of this. And maybe that is why he did cross my path because it was a way of helping me out as I do believe things happen for a reason and people come into our lives directly or indirectly. As we all know he is involved with someone and there is someone in my life. People are old enough to respect someone's privacy.
The last issue for me was mocking my family particularly my deceased family members. My Mum modeled and was a musician when she was younger, I am proud of that my big brother was in one of the top indie bands in the nation. So, this was something to mock which I failed to see the humour as did others.
In the end I am glad I am no longer a part of the troupe and it has made me question my role in burlesque scene and if I want to continue performing. Burlesque should be about women supporting one another as the entertainment business is difficult on us ladies as it is we shouldn't be insulting one another about their weight or looks, mocking their talents because I feel we're all talented in our own rights there is no need for all of the cattiness especially when burlesque draws an older crowd to it. Most young fan bases are far more mature than half of what I have seen in burlesque and I grew up in the industry.
I won't stop performing however; I do think I needed this time away to focus on myself and how I want to be portrayed as a performer personally and professionally. Also to work on some things in my personal life as want or hope that will be more settled. But once again I am taking things one day at a time and I feel more comfortable now than when I was with a troupe. Some people talked about how much I "sucked" as a performer but then again I was trying to be what other people wanted and not what suited me. I'm not a hip hop queen, I'm not ghetto, that is not even my culture. There isn't anything wrong with those things but that is not me nor who I am as a person.
In this short time I learned to be more comfortable with me as a person and what works for me artistically. So in the end no, none of my friends "ganged up and attacked someone" when in reality it was the opposite, my friends never messaged threats to anyone. I have had other performers get their "friends" to attack me via my personal facebook as well my friends. But really, can we stop all of this now? The Columbus Burlesque scene is not united no matter much we try to play that facade, in fact it couldn't be anymore divided. Yes, there is a "feud" going on but it is more one sided by one group of people than anything.
Yes, I will return to performing and it's because there have been some who have messaged me wanting me to come back, I've started my own troupe and realistically I know it will take some time to be fully functional and I am okay with that. I don't feel bullied or victimized, I think if anything people need to learn how to respect another person's personal boundaries. Period. End of story, we are too old to not know any better in all of this.
So if people want to be with me in making art great and if people want to spend their time gossiping, spreading rumours, hate and negativity that is all their choices in life. I am not going to say karma because you know that is the energy we put out there. People can do what they want. I'm just saying that people need to focus on their choices in life. At this point am I happy? Yes, I am very happy with my life both artistically and personally they can say whatever they want about me, because those who know me well enough would ask me first and that my dears is respect. People we should all try that once in a while.
About a month and half ago now I left my burlesque troupe; honestly, it was not an easy decision because of all the issues involved but in actuality I knew it was something that would happen eventually. I was preparing myself for quite some time for the moment I would leave my troupe and despite how it appeared to the public it was not a happy or positive experience for me in the long run.
Ultimately, I left the troupe because of some things that were said. Granted, I made a comment on my own personal facebook account [which I am at liberty to do so] and it was in reference to no one in particular a general statement. Now, I know many talk about how people make vague statuses about people or will shade people, yet I am more of a direct person if there is something I need to say or express I will do so. One example is my closest friends and I will make inside jokes around Tori Amos lyrics it's been something we have done for as long as I have known them which is quite a long time.
Drama is not my thing. The friends I have and communicate with on facebook, twitter etc I have known for YEARS. I've always been the type of person to maintain friendships for an extremely long period of time...I don't friend hop or be friends with a person out of hype, never have and never will. So when someone asks me to "choose" between people I have known for years versus the troupe of course I am choosing my long term friends.
Now when a person is about 40 years old and sending threats and hate towards a person who is my age and younger it would make any sane person question the emotional maturity and sanity of that individual. I mean really, who does that? When you are almost 10-20 years older than us one would think that people emotionally mature but I have learned no they don't.
I am not writing this blog to bash one person or group but people need to take a look at their behaviour towards others and truly question if they are being good people when in fact they are not. What most people do not realise that the entire time I was in my troupe I have been sent threats, harassing messages from other performers both in my troupe and not in my troupe. I still continued to perform because if I stopped those who doubted me would win, those who sent me hate/threats would win. Maybe it is out of my own stubbornness who knows.
Another issue is my personal life and who I was supposedly "dating". For one, it is not for any of them to discuss who I am involved with romantically and I guess because I choreograph and performed to songs by a certain singer that means we're dating which isn't the case. I purposely avoided those questions because we should be focused on his music and we should be focused on me as an entertainer. If there is one thing I did learn from him was how to handle all of the negativity because he also receives so much and if anything he helped me to be strong in all of this. And maybe that is why he did cross my path because it was a way of helping me out as I do believe things happen for a reason and people come into our lives directly or indirectly. As we all know he is involved with someone and there is someone in my life. People are old enough to respect someone's privacy.
The last issue for me was mocking my family particularly my deceased family members. My Mum modeled and was a musician when she was younger, I am proud of that my big brother was in one of the top indie bands in the nation. So, this was something to mock which I failed to see the humour as did others.
In the end I am glad I am no longer a part of the troupe and it has made me question my role in burlesque scene and if I want to continue performing. Burlesque should be about women supporting one another as the entertainment business is difficult on us ladies as it is we shouldn't be insulting one another about their weight or looks, mocking their talents because I feel we're all talented in our own rights there is no need for all of the cattiness especially when burlesque draws an older crowd to it. Most young fan bases are far more mature than half of what I have seen in burlesque and I grew up in the industry.
I won't stop performing however; I do think I needed this time away to focus on myself and how I want to be portrayed as a performer personally and professionally. Also to work on some things in my personal life as want or hope that will be more settled. But once again I am taking things one day at a time and I feel more comfortable now than when I was with a troupe. Some people talked about how much I "sucked" as a performer but then again I was trying to be what other people wanted and not what suited me. I'm not a hip hop queen, I'm not ghetto, that is not even my culture. There isn't anything wrong with those things but that is not me nor who I am as a person.
In this short time I learned to be more comfortable with me as a person and what works for me artistically. So in the end no, none of my friends "ganged up and attacked someone" when in reality it was the opposite, my friends never messaged threats to anyone. I have had other performers get their "friends" to attack me via my personal facebook as well my friends. But really, can we stop all of this now? The Columbus Burlesque scene is not united no matter much we try to play that facade, in fact it couldn't be anymore divided. Yes, there is a "feud" going on but it is more one sided by one group of people than anything.
Yes, I will return to performing and it's because there have been some who have messaged me wanting me to come back, I've started my own troupe and realistically I know it will take some time to be fully functional and I am okay with that. I don't feel bullied or victimized, I think if anything people need to learn how to respect another person's personal boundaries. Period. End of story, we are too old to not know any better in all of this.
So if people want to be with me in making art great and if people want to spend their time gossiping, spreading rumours, hate and negativity that is all their choices in life. I am not going to say karma because you know that is the energy we put out there. People can do what they want. I'm just saying that people need to focus on their choices in life. At this point am I happy? Yes, I am very happy with my life both artistically and personally they can say whatever they want about me, because those who know me well enough would ask me first and that my dears is respect. People we should all try that once in a while.
Sunday, April 13, 2014
Just Reaching From Nowhere
How can I be telling you my thoughts my love?
When even I don't know what I'm thinking
How can I explain the way your eyes
Burn into my mind, my love
For when you talk to me
I'm blind 'cause you set me free
And you hold me and your fingers
Touching me
What if we decide to break these walls?
This from me, the builder
Can we give this love a fair chance?
And only cease when it fades
And when I see your face
Locked in my memory
And you hold me
And I'm giving up to you
Reaching from nowhere
Feeling for your hands
Screaming out your name
Nearing towards you
Reaching from nowhere
Feeling for your hands
Screaming out your name
Nearing towards you...
-Reaching From Nowhere
-Reaching From Nowhere
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